Good-Bye 2015

2015 is nearly coming to an end and I have finally sorted out what my resolutions will be for next year!

First of all, let's quickly review last year's resolutions:

1. Don't buy yarn for a whole year.  I allowed myself to buy yarn for someone else as a gift for them to use (which I didn't at all!) and I allowed myself to use a gift card that I had received last Christmas as a gift (that and it had a 6-months expiry date).  I even poked at the yarn devil side of me and went to the yarn store multiple times (often leaving completely empty handed) 
2. Try a new recipe a week.  I was so sick and tired of predictable meals for each day of the week and for repeatedly having the same meal multiple times during the week for the sake of convenience, making everyone eat something and due to our busy schedules.
3. Here's a list of more - turns out I did make a post!

Now, 2016's resolutions are as follows for myself:

1. Only buy yarn for the project I have planned.  I'll try to reduce splurging at sales and when travelling!  Hubster requested I don't make up for 12 months of no yarn-shopping in a span of a couple of days. ;)
1. Only crochet/knit one project at a time.  I'm allowing myself to only start a new project once a previous one has been complete.  I'm going to try and clean up my WIP's (work in progresses) and make more items instead of just hoard a ton of yarn.
2. Try a new recipe a week.  It's fun, it gets the kids involved, different tastes and flavours, spices up our palate - oh and I will be blogging about it by posting links of recipes (and any changes made to our versions) up top in the Recipe Links! tab.
3. Clean more.  Especially now that I'll be a student full time - yeah.  Need to jump on the clean and organize wagon!
4. Be a nicer, more patient/calm parent.  Easier said than done.  I have no problem admitting I have a temper and I am the Momster from Hell sometimes (sometimes too often!).
5. Lose some weight.  I don't own a scale and average from 130 pounds to 147 pounds (58-67 kg).  I'd like to see the lower end of the numbers - not necessarily 130 lbs but I have found myself out of breath lately, lacking energy, not fitting into clothing and I simply cannot afford and cannot justify buying new clothes because I'm getting continuously bigger in the belly/hips area - and no, it's not pregnancy.

So those are my goals along with the basics of overall, trying to be a nice person, help someone else when I can - even simple gestures like holding open a door for a stranger, maintaining my blog and videos regularly and so on!

I hope you have a fantastic new year and a wonderful holiday season!

BIMU

Waiting Room Patients - I Want You To Know A Few Things...

Dear Waiting Room Patients,

I'm a mom.  A parent.  A guardian. A person trying to keep my sanity in check...
I realize that every time I'm in the hospital waiting room with the V-Man - you're probably wondering why I am there and "what's wrong with the boy who's not listening to his mother."
I am there for my sick child that I promised to care for from the moment we found out we were expecting.
I am there for answers because as a non-medical professional myself - I need to figure out what is going in my kid's body that's making him ill and how to quickly yet efficiently fix it.
I am there and internally screaming my head off at all of you who stare, point and whisper at my kid as he is stimming  his little heart out by bouncing, gasping, grasping air with his fists and making garble with his mouth.
I am not the parent to bring their kid in for any little thing and try to tolerate as much as I can at home before I lose my f*cking marbles.  Trust me - if I could wave a wand over him and make him better at home without having to bother the waiting room, the hospital staff and so on - I so would.

But unfortunately for you - I have an autistic child.  What does this mean and why were we there today?

1. V-Man is non-verbal autistic, he's 6 and strong like a freaking bull.  We really do think that may be his "talent"...as opposed to math, art, physics, music...
1. It also means he doesn't listen, he doesn't necessarily have control over his movements, he cannot express to me exactly what he is feeling.  Not even a "I feel sick.  I feel dizzy or my tummy hurts here" - it is a constant guessing game to figure out what is wrong.
2. I despise going to the hospital with him but as it turned out - he was showing some clear signs of an ear infection and guess what? Ear infections are super duper common in autistic kids and by common in at least my own child - I mean he's had them non-stop from the time he was 1.5 years old up until he was 4 - when our doctor finally suggested he got tubes.  Turned out he didn't have one but it might happen soon anyway - but everyone in the waiting room would've known this as V-Man insisted on keeping the door wide open...
1. It was slightly easier from birth to four years old because he was quite content to be in his stroller.  He's now far too big for one.
3.  V-Man hates the hospital, doctors, nurses and anything associated with health care.  Getting his ears checked is never easy - never mind testing CRP levels (that little prick in your finger for a quick blood smear to test for infection levels), x-rays and so on - nah.
4. I'm embarrassed to be there.  Yes, it's for his health and nothing is more important and I would do anything for my kid - which apparently means chasing him away from the automated doors every 4 seconds.  I also realize my kid's antics drove some people nuts and I'm fortunate tonight he didn't go into anyone's bags or try to steal their bottle, bag, food or other interesting item of the day.  
1. I also am the one walking in like a luke-warm cucumber and walking out like a hot mess because any kind of check-up for the V-Man involves a wrestling, pinning and turning my body into a yoga-ninja pretzel just to hold him in place to check his ears.  Then the other side!
2. I also know that I need to just "Let It Go" and ignore those other people because they don't know what a hospital trip is like with the V-Man unless they were in my shoes for the past 6 years.  But still...
5. I almost always have a glass of wine after the hospital visit once the kids are asleep.  Tonight I'm just going to go to bed early.
6. I am the mother on the phone because I was updating concerned friends and texting my husband with as much fury as I could muster (as I do every time I  take the kids to the hospital but mostly only angry when I take V-Man because let's face it - he's the most difficult/most uncomfortable in a hospital kid):
   
   "Big whopping f*ck you right now.  I'm so sick of doing this - you can go here next time with him - I'm done!"

That may come off as harsh but I won't lie about this.  When I'm tired and exhausting myself even more with playing tag/"let's not hit the paramedics moving the elderly on a bed" in a hospital waiting room - I'm not going to be the nicest person in the world but at the same time I'll keep my nasty attitude to just my husband because I know he gets my frustrations and can take it until I calm down.

I am typically the parent that goes to the hospital with the kids because I speak more Finnish than my husband - in case we were to encounter a doctor or nurse that doesn't speak a lot (or any) English and I'm the carrier of info - both mentally and in my wallet.

Anyways, what I was trying to say is that I realize my kid annoyed you by rushing to the automatic doors every 4 seconds and there's a reason for it.

He's not necessarily able to control himself or listen to me and it annoyed me too.

I called out to him multiple times in the hopes he would be interested in his iPad and no.  He wasn't. I offered my phone and no - that wasn't good either.  My keys, wallet, bag and even a package of tissues weren't enticing tonight.

If kids came with little remote controls for urgent situations or preventing mega awkward ones - I'd be the first one ordering one.

I know that today was a minor incident in a a sea of many possibilities - it can always be worse.  I don't think I'm quite apologizing as I am more so explaining my frustration with both my kid not being able to tell me "Hey Mom - I feel like crap - take me to the doctor please" and the awkwardness that can occur in a very public setting - not just the hospital waiting room either!  Restaurants, at the bus stop, waiting in line to pay for groceries or an item...anywhere.

I won't speak for all other parents out there but I'd rather have someone come up to me and ask me nicely, "May I ask what your child has?"
I'd be pleased as punch and whenever someone has asked (maybe twice a stranger has asked in the whole 6.5 years of us living here) and feel better for having explained what autism is and hopefully they're happy having learned something new.

I'm regularly thankful for the Finnish custom of supreme silence but at the same time - if someone were to reach out to me and just simply ask what's up - it could help making the whole "spreading of autism awareness" a little smoother.

BIMU

That "B" Word

No, not a blog post about swearing - although, I confess to swearing far too much and quite often in front of the kids.
Anyways, I meant that other B-word.

Budget.

We've been trying with massive successes in the failure department of trying to save money.
Something always comes up and in retrospect - not many of these things were urgent or necessary.

Not having anything in our savings account actually screwed us over while the Hubster was in the USA attending a conference and he wasn't able to cover his hotel room (which he thought was already paid by the university).  I even made a video about it.

So this was a real eye opener and a quick reminder that we really should start making the savings account grow instead of shrink.

Here's a break down of what we agreed to - of course the numbers are flexible for everyone based on your own income and I'm not going to give you our exact income amounts - it's rather personal and I don't even remember anyway.

We agreed to 150€ a week for groceries.
That means I withdraw 150€ at the beginning of the week and then I leave my bank card at home.

So this is almost the end of week 1 and how do I feel?
Surprisingly I'm not crying or freaking out because I've learned to use this amount for only groceries and so far it's been actually EASY!

So what's the difference between mentally shopping for 150€/ week (which we tried before) and physically shopping with 150€ a week?

• I am shopping first thing in the morning after I drop A-Man off at day-care and as soon as the shop opens.
• This means:
• the shelves are typically well stocked
• there's not many long lines
• I am able to snatch up several good deals on meat that might be expiring in a day or two (typically in Finland it's -30%) and can meal plan in my head with it for that night or the next couple of days.  Or freeze it if I have space.
• I'm kid-free 
• Why does "kid-free" make a difference?  I am not tempted to spend more and no, I don't give in to my kids' demands every time.  There are times that my kids are generally really well behaved and deserve a little treat.
• A-Man makes me hate grocery shopping with his whining, crying for toys and so on.
• Occasionally we have an ice-cream...it's usually under 2€ for the two of us but if I go kid-free - I save 2€.
• V-Man is constantly hungry and he knows the direct route to Subway or Koti Pizza or whatever fast food joint is there.  That costs minimum 10€.
• M-Girl is seriously the easy kid and doesn't demand anything but apples and maybe bananas - which are things we need weekly if not 2-3x a week anyway.
• I meal plan in advance because I'm on this "real" budget.
• Because the Hubster has Crohn's - and we have picky-ass children when it comes to eating - I gave my cookbooks to the Hubster and a pile of post-it sticky note strips and he went through it and left tabs where he found things that I could make that he would be willing to try to eat.
• Actually that was part of my New Year's resolution - try a new recipe every week.  And yes, I've stuck to it in some shape or form! :)
• But I found this an easy way to plan meals and if I am stuck - I have my ever-so-faithful Pinterest to refer to.
• I actually love meal planning but because the V-Man has music therapy twice a week in the evenings - I resort to quick meals that even the Hubster can cook so in case I'm not able to do it - he can.  And seeing as he's not a fan of slow cooked EVERYTHING - having him make fried rice or pasta or Korean spiced beef is just easier.
• I'm not impulsively buying crap.  
• By "crap" I mean junk food, toys, extra baking stuff and the list goes on.
• I'm mentally reminding myself this way that some things that should be treats ARE treats if I only buy them every now and again.
• I'm saying "no" more.  
• "No" to my kids for what they want.
• "No" to outings with friends that may cost me a bit more than I really want to spend.
• "No" to myself - ensuring I stick to our family's budget, get the most for my buck (euro) and that I really need it.
• Don't be too hard on yourself but do try saying "no" every now and again!  Makes a difference! :)

I realize you've probably read several of these "OMG I got to be a stay-at-home mom by doing these things!" and while this is now the beginning of week 2 (I'm a slow blogger - sorry) - I have to say I'm doing well and pleased about it!  And it does work if you shop smart.

How can you shop smart?

• Never go grocery shopping hungry - if you can help it.  I don't know about you - but I instantly become little miss impulsive shopper with a bottomless pit stomach.  Pregnant ladies - I feel your pain of constantly being starving (or on the verge of barfing) and trying to stick to your grocery list.
• Price compare!  Does your grocery store have a coupon system or points system that make it worth your while to shop at their store versus competitors?
• In Finland, there's mainly K or S-market chains.  K-Market give you points that they automatically redeem into coupons that give you 5 or 10€ off your next purchase and are valid for up to a year.
  S-Bonus from the S-shop chains are, I feel - more beneficial as they give you up to a full 5% back every month - depending on how much you spend.  It's an initial 100€ sign up (or you can pay it back as you use it) and I feel I definitely get more than 10€/month back - compared to the K-Market chain coupons.
• Make a list and check it twice!  What's your budget? What are your regular staples that are low the most often?  What are you going to splurge on? What do you need?  What can you go without for the week/month/forever?  What are you meal-planning this week?  Stick to it.
• Inventory - I try to make a mental note of everything I have in my cupboard pantry and the fridge/freezer.  I have a set amount of staples I have to have on hand at all times (i.e. rice, cereal, pasta and sauce etc.) and I try to load up twice a month on those staples.
• Use a shopping basket - this limits how much you can buy space wise and reduces buying wholesale on something you might need!
• Pay in cash.  This sounds cheesy but it works.  Leave the bank cards and credit cards home and pay in cash so you can stick to your budget!

December is a tough month for anyone because yearly bills come in (i.e. insurance) and I owe some taxes this year (because I wasn't deducted enough during my maternity leave), the holiday seasons and the boys birthday party was a couple few weeks ago - the list goes on.

I'll be spending the rest of my December cleaning and piling stuff up to sell soon - not just to make money but just so we have physical space in here!  So that should help - because honestly, if I haven't seen it in 6+ months, haven't used X item(s) at all and don't remember having it - I probably don't need it.

That's the plan anyway.
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Underestimating V-Man

One thing the Hubster and I absolutely love is reading.
Of course with him being a researcher - he does it for a living and I do it more for pleasure and learning new things (usually craft techniques and reading multiple blogs and news sources!).
Hubster also reads for fun FYI...

Anyhow, one thing that the V-Man despises (despised?) was reading.
We buy books every year for a Christmas gift because we really want to encourage reading, imagination, bond with our kids and so on.
He hasn't had any interest whatsoever in books other than to rotate them, open and close the covers and recently?  Shove the corner of the book up his nose.  Everything is getting the deep-space nostril treatment lately!

Anyways, to my surprise - last night we had the music therapy and that didn't go all that great. Mostly because V-Man's time switched due to a prior group cancellation and there was another group singing loudly (and nicely!) in the room next door.  Toss in a screaming kid with the choir (not V-Man) - and he wasn't having it.

So V-Man dragged me to McDonald's for supper and then to the ice-cream parlour and I figured - let's make a date out of this!
Hubster was occupied with A-Man's Christmas party and M-Girl was with them - so it was just me and V-Man and that was cool.
I got a scoop of ice-cream for V-Man and he was ecstatic!  Oh wait, he was more ecstatic about the escalator going up and down and prancing on his toes and squeezing his fists repeatedly while eyeing every single stranger and probably giving them a heart attack.
Anyways, he ended up not having any ice-cream - not because it was too delicious for me to not share but because he apparently just wanted the wafer cookie on top.
Yep.  I didn't even want the ice-cream!  But I ate it anyway.

Anyways, we got home, zipped out with the dogs and began to prep for bed time.  We were already past the 7 pm ritual and had such a wildly different day than normal- so I was pretty casual about the whole thing.
Hubster messaged me in distress asking if we were home yet and advising me to get V-Man to bed asap.

Yeah - no.

What's the point of getting V-Man to sleep when:

A) He wasn't tired.
B) Milo would bark like a crazy dog when everyone else got back home.  Which means - he'd be up anyhow.
C) He was reading.

Yeah - I wrote that.
C) He was reading.

And no, he wasn't reading out loud or else you would've seen a horribly crooked and shaky film of me in full blast water works ("tears") and V-Man screaming in the background to pay attention to him.
Phone screen is still cracked and that's the camera I usually use to film...haven't approached the Hubster to use his to record yet - I don't think he'd mind but ah well!

Let me explain how this came about and why this is a HUGE deal.

First of all, he was ticked as all get out because for the first time in probably 4 years - his blanket cover and his pillow case matched.
That was a no-go apparently so I figured it out after 10 minutes ("But why won't you crawl into your bed at least?! What's wrong?! They're clean sheets!") and he was pleased as punch when I tossed his blanket into my room and gave him my mis-matched blanket to his pillow case.  Alrighty then.

Then I grabbed a book, "The Mixed Up Chameleon" by Eric Carle (affiliate link) and started reading out loud.  It's a fairly new book in our home, as it was buried under a pile of other books - and I had completely forgotten that I bought this ages ago!  Or maybe it was a gift? It probably was! Whoops!

Here's the shocker:  he didn't "ask" (i.e. push the book away, push me away, cover my mouth or scream/cry/leave the room) me to stop reading.

So why is this a HUGE deal?  

1. V-Man typically doesn't care for books other than to:
1. Rotate them and flip them back and forth (and not actually OPEN it).
2. Rip and crumple pages. *shudder*  - I absolutely hate folded and crinkled pages in a book!
3. Pick them up, drop them, throw them...bend them cover to cover (backwards) so the binding breaks.
2. He doesn't like when we read to him - or at least when the Hubster tries.
   And because the Hubster is the one that puts him to sleep 98% of the time - it doesn't really open up an oppourtunity for me to read to him.  And apparently, I'm a crappy mom for not even thinking to try!
1. I suppose I've had so many "#MomFails" with regards to reading out loud with him - and getting in trouble for reading with the younger two (if the kids got too excited or spoke too loudly about the story after - V-Man had a fit!)
3. I asked him to put it away and if he wanted - he could get another one.  I held my breath.  After I repeated it again - he did it.  I nearly wet myself.

It should be noted that most books that I want the kids to cherish forever (typically classics or by Canadian authors or my favourite authors or have real paper pages and not stiff cardboard pages) - are way up high on a shelf.  By "way up high" - I mean nearly touching the ceiling.

So now, our goal is to try to introduce these board books (as they're the most interesting and sturdy) back into the V-Man's daily routine and hope for the best.

I have apparently underestimated my child's interest for reading and disregarded it as "not his thing" because of multiple fails before.

May this serve as a kind reminder to just try it again every now and again. :)
BIMU