Life With Kids: Our Revised Bed-Time Routines

Things have certainly changed (mostly) for the better now that the kids all sleep in their own beds and in the same room!
Of course M-Girl occasionally wakes up and wants to crawl in bed with us and just because it's summer doesn't mean we get to sleep in AT ALL.  We've been up by 6 am (usually around 5:30 - like this morning) every freaking day this summer holiday.
I may as well be in cadet summer camp again! I told a friend and it's true.

Anyway, if you're wondering what it's like in our household to put 3 kids to bed - here we go!
I am mentally working on other posts but we are going to be travelling from Tuesday to Friday - so there will probably be a few delays as usual!

• 7-7:30 pm - V-Man is the first to get ready and the first to go down.  He gets 2mg of melatonin after brushing his teeth and lies in his bed while SH reads his e-book.
• 7:30 pm - A-Man and M-Girl get their teeth brushed and get ready for bed.
• 7:45 pm - I lie down with M-Girl and give her the teddy bears and cover her in a blanket.  Then she sticks her bare little feet at me because I am expected/we have this ritual where I must sniff her feet and make silly faces and gagging/barfing sounds.  It makes her laugh - so I do it and her feet are cute now.  
• I absolutely hate feet - so I'm enjoying this for as long as possible because grown-up feet are just gross.  Useful and practical in every way - but they're just stumps with long extensions (toes).
• Once my duty of sniffing feet is done - I'm usually responding to e-mails, on Facebook or blogging on my phone.
• While M-Girl is with me and SH is with V-Man, A-Man is quietly (trying) reading and playing a colour board game.  He regularly runs back and forth demanding someone comes to play with him but if either of us moves - then the kids get back up and running around again.
• 8:00 pm A-Man is back and demanding I crawl in his bed to sleep with him.  But I can't because M-Girl is now super awake.  I explain repeatedly that I cannot leave until M-Girl is asleep - every single night.
• 8:20 pm - M-Girl is usually asleep by now and I crawl into A-Man's bed and he tucks me in and blows me a kiss and tells me he loves me "Va care ya".
  Within 10 minutes he is asleep and I'm usually in an intense conversation with a friend - usually from Canada on Whatsapp.

So typically by 9 pm and after nearly 2 hours of getting the kids ready to sleep - they're finally out.

In case you're wondering, no - I can't just toss them into the bedroom and tell them to play quietly (or not at all) until they go to sleep.  They're still pretty young for that and A-Man is so disruptive that he keeps the others awake.

And I don't want them to have a screaming match - which always leads to someone getting pinched, slapped or their eyes poked (M-Girl's latest move for retaliating against her brothers)...

This is a huge difference compared to having A-Man and M-Girl in bed with me and SH having to sleep with V-Man on the sofa bed!

Yesterday was a huge change to our schedule and our kids didn't get to sleep until nearly 9:30 pm because we had our future dog-sitters/my classmate/friend over with her family.

They were gone by 8 pm which was lovely because that meant all the kids were super tired after!

But the saddest thing was that V-Man really enjoyed having them over so much that he began really smacking his head when they were leaving and screaming like crazy.

SH had to pick him up and squeeze him hard and whisper that it was okay - they can visit another time.

It was V-Man's first time meeting my friends and while I'm super glad that he had fun with them (my classmate's chest was not spared by the V-Man's grip!) - I wish he didn't get so upset that they had to leave (they have a little one about M-Girl's age and it was way past his bedtime!).

Happy Sunday,

BIMU

A Side Of Autism: Can He Have Some Boobs With That??

Yes you read the title correctly and no, we didn't take the V-Man to a strip club.
Today is officially day 2 of summer vacation (this was written on the 20th of June) and I did a lot of shouting. The weather looked promising and we tried to go on a family hike with the dogs and nope. V-Man was not having it. He wanted to go on the bus.
Today is Mid Summer in Finland...no bus on this holiday!
We tried letting him pick the route but after thirty minutes (or was it only 15?) - I gave up and told him we are taking Loki and A-Man home. He seemed thrilled until we walked past the bus stop.
Some more screaming - from him- which would've been fine by me if he wasn't accompanying those screams with threats to bite us and break our fingers...oh and slapping his right side of his head so hard he now has a large purple bruise there.

Anyway the rest of the day the kids were squirrely and we didn't know what to do. It rained on and off and now it's pouring out and there was some thunder (they're asleep so I guess it's moot now) - but we survived the day.
I assure you there was a lot of shouting today.

One of V-Man's interests/super annoying things he does - is rub boobs.  Specifically - nipples!
Mine, yours, male or female- big or small- it doesn't matter.
Teacher, stranger, parents, friends - pretty much any adult will do!
And I get it- he has gets a reaction out of people and the more they dislike it (aka me) the more of a challenge it becomes.  How fun!
Also, with male boobs-they typically don't wear bras and that means instant cause and effect -if you know what I mean.
Women who wear padded bras are just a bump in the road or a challenge to him.  Again - how fun!

And if I haven't said it already-this boob rushing annoys the dear f*ck out of me.
And if you're wondering if he was breastfed long enough, I assure you - he's never had formula (except possibly at the hospital after birth) and he was nursed until he was 14 months old.

This boob rubbing/grabbing phase comes and goes and as of about a week ago-it's back-full on.
I just really hope it doesn't stick around - or else this could be incredibly awkward!!
(And I totally hear jail time...)

I recall taking him to the beach when he was about three-years old with little A-Man and V-Man ran away from me to go sit in some young guy's lap and caress his nipples.
I was of course, mortified, alone (SH was abroad at a conference) and stuck in the sand with our stroller.
The guy took it well until V-Man was really rubbing that poor guy's chest and trying to sneak some beer from his can.

I'm just at a loss of what to do to stop this behaviour. I can shout and slap his hand away until the cows come home...I can wear a thick coat (done this before) all summer or until this phase ends...or let him do it. And I'd rather not. Because while I'm comfortable with my body's shape and I know my son doesn't mean his personal masseuse sessions as sexual - someone might, later on down the road.
So it'd be nice to nip it in the bosom (ha ha ha)...and move on to the next confusing/inappropriate/mind blowing phase that he has stored up for us...
And yes - he's sniffs bums sometimes.

Ciao for now!
BIMU

Thank You Internet.

I am adopted and by adopted I mean I was raised by two parents who cared for me from when I was a very young infant up until I moved out.
I'm not a celebrity baby - nor was I bought from abroad to be raised in Canada.

Now back to the main point of this post now that I have those bits out of the way.
I was always curious to meet my birth parents and when I was about 16, I was in touch by phone and email with my biological father. We chatted semi-regularly and then when I was 20, decided I would fly over by myself to Hong Kong. It was a fantastic trip but I didn't know what to say.
I returned again to China the following year and we did nothing but fight.
Once I returned back to Canada, we kept in touch every few months via email but never Skyped and he didn't have Facebook- so when I got pregnant with V-Man, he reached out a bit more.
After a petty fight via email (over addresses really!) - we've cut ties.
And I'm fine with it. I have a family of my own to raise and if he has no interest in seeing their photos or being a part of their lives (seeing as he also has his own children too)- that's fine with me.
And I don't mean it in a snarky way at all.

What about the birth mom?
Yep, well awhile ago I blogged about having found her and sending her an email.
I kept my email relatively short and to the point.

"Hi,
Pretty sure we know each other. I'm in Finland (hint: I won't come find you), married and have three kids (hint: pretty busy life here too) and have two dogs.
I've debated on trying to find you and if you don't wish to keep in contact with me - I completely understand and apologize for disturbing you.
It'd be nice to be friends."

So something along those lines and I hit send.
I held my breath for about 3 days and realized that because it went to her "Other" folder on Facebook, she probably won't see it.
I've tried finding her before online once I was married and settled in. But there were so many people on Facebook with the same name, and I didn't know if she was married or not (or changed her name) - so I had a hard time tracking her down.
But I wasn't too stressed about it because if it's meant to be - it'll happen.  If not - keep truckin'.
Then for no reason other than to avoid some confusing Finnish homework and also to challenge myself in finding someone in the world - I did a search on Google for her name as I knew her and her graduating university.
A graduation registrar came up and I took that name and searched for her. Instantly I had who I was looking for and then I found her on Facebook, Pinterest and LinkedIn.
Through the Google listings, I discovered I had a half-sister! Wow!
And possibly a brother (turned out to be her spouse)...again - double wow.
Will this change who I am or how I view her? Nah not really. So I sent that email off and waited.
Note: I didn't want to be one of those people sharing and exposing my face while holding a sign and a baby photo of myself (which I have none here) asking the millions of users on Facebook if they knew who my biological mother is.  Not that there's anything wrong with searching for your birth family - but for me - that wasn't quite my style.

I got an email last Sunday evening from her and I was lying in bed waiting for M-Girl to sleep. (It was also the night before V-Man had his tubes surgery - so I was waiting to go to sleep too.)
I was asked some security questions to confirm my identity (when my birthday was, where I was born and where I grew up) and after I answered those - I held my breath.
I got a response confirming it was her and she was thrilled to have me contact her.
It was of course a shock for both of us but I'm learning a lot about her family (3 half sisters...!!!) and for her - I suppose a kind of insta-grandma status.

I don't know what would shock me more - 3 half siblings and a ton of cousins/uncles and a couple aunts being thrown in the mix - or finding out I have three grandchildren.
Probably the latter...yeah?

So it's been a few days and I'm simply in shock and happy that I finally found her- and we are taking things really slow.
We haven't Skyped yet -mostly because 2/3 of the half sisters don't know about me yet and that's fine for me.
I am continuing to call her by her first name because I think it's awkward for myself to call her "Mummy/Mom" and she understands that and is fine with it.

I went into this with 0 expectation because I know and have heard of people putting their children up for adoption because they didn't want to have a connection or because the child was created out of an unfortunate situation (ie rape) and while that wasn't my personal situation - I didn't know what to expect and I didn't want to get my hopes up.  I also wanted to be respectful that she may have no interest in wanting to connect because it's been nearly 30 years and she has 3 daughters to care for and so on.

I'm learning now that it is possible to be friends with a relative and am very content with how things are going so far. It's given me some closure - although, yes I could probably have not searched and been just as content with my life.
It wasn't a life or death situation for me if I didn't have contact with either biological parent but I'm glad that I have because I've learned a lot from both and it helps me identify some things in myself that I couldn't understand before.
We have agreed that if we do fight over something or don't see eye-to-eye - then we will calm down and discuss it in a mature manner as we both don't want to toss away this connection over something petty - like what happened between my biological father and I.

I also told her (and am sharing with you here) that had she tried to find me and reached out when I was younger - I would have been mad.
"Why did you leave me?  Did you not love me?"  You know - hurtful questions would have flown out of my mouth.
But now that I'm older, I'm calmer and more mature and able to understand that it's not easy to give up a child or resist looking for them and contacting them because you don't want to interrupt everything they've ever known.
For me, it's not so personal that she left me with the parents I was raised with - I was raised well and I was loved and turned into a fairly decent person - so I think it's fine.
I had made myself a promise that if I ever did find her (or she finds me) - I would listen and be as understanding as I could be.
So far, it has been smooth sailing and there's no anger or stress - which helps a lot.

Everyone has their own lives to run and perhaps others to care for - so it can be upsetting or confusing to have to adjust your lifestyle to allow someone new into it.
I guess the biggest thing is to be realistic - nothing wrong with being hopeful - but certainly keep your toes on the ground when attempting to find your biological family.

So as much as I have a love/hate relationship with the Internet - I will admit this has solved some puzzles and has been a fairly positive thing.
Internet - you get +10 points.

BIMU

PS - And in case you're wondering - no, this doesn't affect my relationship with my parents (who raised me) - at least in my opinion.  They're still "Mom and Dad" - I just happen to have connected with another person in my life and am seeing where it goes.

A Side of Autism: Dogs

I don't give my dogs enough credit at times and it's not because they don't deserve it but because life with three kids in the household can be pretty hectic most of the time and I finally have something to write about for this blog!
A friend just sent me this video (link via Facebook page) and it shows a tall teenage autistic boy having a meltdown.  For whatever the reason, this young man is super upset - crying, hurting himself - it was hard to watch for the first time because it's what I have in my home but in a 5-year old format.
But I encourage you to watch it because his dog recognized that meltdown and the frustration building up with every slap and that dog worked calmly and flawlessly to calm the young man down and redirect his attention onto themselves (the dog).
Freaking brilliant!  That dog deserves a billion squeaky toys and awesome bones and endless belly rubs.

Now let's talk about the dogs I have.

I have a newly-minted 12-year old ½ Labrador and ½ Border Collie named Blue.
Blue loves food, attention, cuddles and being the boss.
He hates walking in the pouring rain, getting caught doing something wrong (i.e. stealing food) and being put on time out (extremely rare!).
He also love babies - there's nothing more precious than seeing him with a newborn.  He absolutely adores them and loves watching them and sniffing them and gives the sweetest and tiniest kisses possible.
He has been my rock through post-delivery healing after having V-Man (which included 15 stitches and 6-months of difficulty moving around and using the bathroom).

Loki is my 7.5-year old Husky mix.
Loki is named appropriately as he looked like a joker when he came to our home - ginormous paws, scrawny legs, tiny body and could barely walk up and down the stairs because he was more of a tumbler instead.  Instead of being about 40-pounds-ish - he's more like 70.
He also adores babies, usually is the cause of some spontaneous interior designing (aka dig through the garbage when we forget to close the kitchen door), has destroyed several things (list in the PS) and has endless patience with our 3 children.

How do my dogs affect the V-Man?
Blue and V-Man have some sort of strange agreement about sharing the sofa.  Blue will move over so V-Man can sit with him and sometimes he wraps his legs so they hang over Blue's side and sometimes V-Man pets him gently.  V-Man has been learning how to pet and rub the dogs ears and back of their necks and sometimes their backs when he walks in the door.
There hasn't been any sign of aggression between V-Man and either dog.
And yes, occasionally when V-Man is upset - the dogs circle around him or near him to try and distract him and sometimes it works.  Or sometimes V-Man has food in his hands and they're pretending to care. :)

Loki is usually the first one to the door when we walk in.  I've noticed (and have yet been able to capture a photo because my hands are full with a booster seat, keys and his backpack) that V-Man calmly walks inside, takes in his surroundings and trails his fingers along the dog's back while walking down the hall.  Kind of like how one would trail their fingers along piano keys or other familiar surroundings.
Then he goes to see if I have started his favourite movie (or not) and returns to remove his shoes and coat.
That's the first ten seconds of our usual routine when he gets inside.
V-Man has also managed to get over the hurdle of going downstairs and coming back upstairs when going to and from day-care via taxi.
A huge thanks to Loki for that one!  We no longer bring Loki with us to take V-Man to the waiting taxi or to pick him up in the afternoon.

In fact, V-Man seems to want to go hiking but only if the dogs are going.
He just had a tube put inside of his ear (the other one is still secure and they checked - nothing else up his nose!) and when he got home and fed - he wanted to go outside.  But he wouldn't budge out the door until he saw SH pull down the leashes and clip them onto the dogs' collars.
This is a huge improvement, compared to last year where hiking involved a lot of intense screaming and fighting!
He's a super strong kid - so we would like to avoid as much fighting as possible!

For awhile when we were first teaching him to sleep in his bed alone, Loki would curl up at the foot of the bed and the rhythmic breathing - along with the Alphabet game - would help V-Man sleep faster!

Anyway, my exams are finally done and I have a presentation tomorrow and a potluck the following day.
Then summer vacation begins!!  For 6 weeks.
I'll try to pump out as many blog posts as I can - as I do have some quite exciting news for you! (Not pregnant - so let's get that out of the way now.)  And when I start classes again at the end of July - they'll be quite intensive - so I'll be trying hard to make up for all the lost time I had this past semester!

Cheers,
BIMU

PS Things that Loki has destroyed (mostly) as a puppy:

• Asthma inhaler Symbicort which contains steroids
• Cell phone charger - while it was plugged in.  Half his face looked like it was melting.
• Antique sofa legs (wooden) and respective sofa's cushions.
• Kong on a Rope toy - he managed to pass that out.
• Various books - both ours and the university library.
• Stationary
• Stuffed toys (not his).
• Pencils, erasers, pens, purses and shoes
• The list goes on...

A Side of Autism: To Chew or Not To Chew (& USB Ports)

I have absolutely no idea at what age a child is capable of understanding, "This is gum.  Chew it - keep chewing it....but don't swallow it."
A-Man is 3 and hasn't had a piece yet and V-Man (5-years old) has been obsessed lately with USB ports as of recently and trying to get into my bags of gum.
I've caught V-Man once with a piece of gum in his mouth and another en route to his right nostril.
So I removed both pieces and didn't try it again.

Then a couple days ago, he was in my purse and yanking my gum out and trying fiercely to open the zip-lock style bag to get some gum.
I was rushing about packing his stuff for overnight care and on our way out the door, as a treat for his patience - I gave him a piece of gum.
He looked shocked and watched me slip a piece into my mouth, put the bag of gum away and we were off!
It's about a fifteen-minutes walk to overnight care and every thirty seconds or so - I tried to look at his jaw line and his mouth to see if he was still chewing.
"Keep chewing!...Don't swallow it ok!  Keep chewing!  Good job!"
I'm sure anyone looking at us and hearing me cheering V-Man on for chewing gum thought I was one of those crazy overprotective mothers.
You know what?  He did it.  He lasted from our front door to their front door and inside.

Then the gum was gone while I was talking to the care-giver there about his up-coming tubes surgery (round 2) and that's when I had a mild freak out.

Alright, it was bound to get swallowed.  The flavour doesn't last long - it's why I take 2 pieces anyhow - so I can't blame him.

But then we found it!

My 5-year old V-Man smelled dinner was ready and decided to kindly dispose of his chewed up, stringy gum on the counter.  And not just ANY counter but the kitchen counter, where the respite care's scheduling book is...all over that.  Yep.  That's my boy.
Everyone was cool with it and we were just glad it wasn't in anyone's diaper, hair or being choked on!

Oh right, before I end this post - V-Man has been obsessed with USB ports and USB cords.  Usually the cords are my chargers for my phone, my Polar Loop watch and my external battery charger for my phone.
Just in general - pushing buttons on remotes, swiping phone screens and plugging and un-plugging my phone has been the equivalent of a room full of toys for a kid.  And he's figuring out how to use a mouse and a keyboard...there doesn't seem to be any intent with his fiddling about (other than space bar while watching Youtube - he knows it stops it!).

SH was getting constantly angry and I decided to do something about it.  Because he was fitting them in properly but he was constantly doing it and we were worried he was going to break something.
So I bought him a little 4-plug USB port and he was thrilled.  I had a broken iPhone charge cord so he has that and is super content.
I know - not your typical 5-year old's typical toy and probably not even on their wish list...but if it makes him happy and exercises his brain as well (and doesn't hurt anyone) - then why not?

I think the big and sometimes the hardest lesson with a non-verbal autistic child who seems to be showing some talents, in what can be coming off as the most annoying ways - is we need to fulfill those interests in the most positive way possible.  And of course still ensure there's nothing (or body) broken and that there's still guidelines in place.

Quite often the first words out of our mouths when it comes to V-Man climbing or getting into something he shouldn't...is "No."
"No."
"Don't do that."  
"Get down."
And in their five billion other formats and similar side-cousin versions of "no".
However I'm learning quickly that "No" = He's going to do it anyway. = Repetition of "No" = frustration because he's not listening.

So I'm trying to find quick solutions that prevent us from sounding like broken record parents and drops the "No" to "Nope pal - let's try this...you can do this...YES."
It certainly isn't easy to say "yes" (or possible) all the time or to find a satisfying alternative for HIM so we can still prevent meltdowns and frustration from both parties.
I think "No" is something that was also drilled into our heads as children and it's also a word that encases love and care (no matter what way you say it) because you don't want the child to hurt themselves or others.

Anyway, we're working on it.  And this summer he seems to be interested in hiking again!  Which is a huge relief because we live in Finland - and there are loads of woods to hike about in and the last two summers he hated it.
This summer, he seems to enjoy it a lot more and seems to want to go out in the woods and even walks Loki with a leash!

I know it might seem hard and probably seems crazy - but all y'all special needs parents - try saying "Okay" or "Yes" every now and again.  For us - it's been alright.
Cheers and good luck!
BIMU

Hi I'm Alive!

Hey everyone!
Super sorry for the ridiculously long delay in writing here!  I've had Finnish tests up the ying-yang and finally today was the last day.
So I'm back to blogging every chance I get and am looking forward to summer vacation!

What have I been up to?  Well, I've been dabbling in soap making (I got some awesome books that cover the subject and of course the internet is a huge help! - separate post about that coming up), testing out new and easier (=less time consuming) recipes, keeping the kids alive and been obsessed with Lee Child's Jack Reacher novels!  I can finally read them again!
I promised myself to only read when on the toilet (don't give me that look - it's way better than counting tiles!) and focus on my studies for the past couple of weeks.

So now I'm free like a bird and I'm happy that I can finally get a groove on with some baby shower gifts that are due in a couple weeks, can focus on my kids some more (dogs too) and just chill until it all starts up again at the end of July.
Well - I still have classes until mid June but I think it's safe to say - everyone is slacking off now.

In regards to the kiddos - all 3 sleep in their OWN BEDS and in the SAME room.  Yes - shouting/capitalizing those bad boy words was necessary.
It took 2 nights and they settled in.  We got rid of the single upper bunk (with pull out table and built in shelf and ladder) because I scored a double beds set, where the bottom one can be pushed in and hidden away when not in use!  And they're for adult sizes - so here's hoping I never have to buy my kids beds again!  Muwahahaha.

Scored this double beds set second hand for 20€!

The plan was that when Ikea opened up here and accepted large deliveries from the bigger Ikeas across Finland - we were hoping to buy a proper bunk bed set for the kids and keep that white one (left side) for V-Man.

But then that beautiful bed set popped up on my newsfeed via Facebook, and I called SH at work and told him we're getting it and I saved us over 150€.

So it's pretty much taken SH and I nearly 6 years to get a bed back to our selves and we still don't really have the bed to ourselves because the dogs usually love to sleep with us and are loving having a sofa available (where V-man used to sleep) for themselves as well.  Yup - the dogs are spoiled.

The first night went horribly.  Took the kids forever to calm down (mostly A-Man is the trouble maker at bed time probably because he's so full of energy!) and V-Man woke up a couple times.  But after that - it's been a dream.
Just being able to watch television at a volume where we don't need subtitles to follow along (like when V-Man was on the sofa) was a huge change and *gasp!* having the blinds open at night (it's summer time in Finland!) or having the light actually on in the living room...or talking to each other - WOWZERS.

Having the kids in their own room has changed our lives! :D

Then again, it can have some downsides like this morning for example.
A-Man woke up at 5:30 this morning screaming in Finnish, "MENEE POIS!" repeatedly.  Menee pois means to "get off" or "go away".  (Google Translate says "Going out".)
We went to see what was causing all the screaming and yelling from the boys, which of course woke up M-Girl and V-Man crawled over to A-Man's bed and sat on his face.
I know the pain all too well and felt bad for A-Man.  Once everyone calmed down - V-Man went back to sleep and the other two stayed up reading and playing together.

With that said - before I bore you to death with a never ending blog post...I'll cut this off here and I'll be back soon! :)
BIMU