Disappointed

I forgot I wrote this - as usual.

"3 days ago..."
It's 1am and I'm typing this on a cracked iPhone 4S screen.
So cracked that it looks like I stuck it in a Fast and Furious car crash scene (pick one) and it now has a few constellation patterns of its own. I can't swipe the darn thing so much or else itty little pieces of glass gets in my skin.
Seeing as my hands are drier than sand- and cracking themselves up-not a pretty sight. And of course-the kids can't use it.

Try not to laugh when I say, when I watch a movie- I really get into it. When alone or with just Hubster- I'll make sarcastic comments under my breath, curse a storm, roll my eyes and so on.
Then the other side of me gets too into the movie and I cry a lot. I cry at the memories characters had about each other, I always cry when an animal or elderly person dies...sweet sayings and in general? I'm a hot mess wen it comes to chick flicks.

I scrolled through Netflix and couldn't find anything I wanted to watch.
Last night I saw Mockingjay Part 1 finally (my own copy) and am excited to see part 2 because I wasn't too keen on the first.
Tomorrow the Hubster is back and then we can continue watching our shows together. (Currently on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt-yeah I can't believe he's watching it either!) Out of common courtesy, I don't watch episodes while he's away and vice versa because then there's so much to catch up on.

So I tried to watch "The Best of Me"- a movie based on a Nicholas Sparks novel-which I haven't read yet.
I'm typically pro "book over movie" but seeing as I don't have the book and don't recall reading it- I went with the movie first.
I needed something sappy and sad to watch and my goal was to let out a wave of tears that could go on as long as possible.

I needed a good cry.

My husband doesn't get this at all. Every now and again, when I am overwhelmed to the max- I need to cry it all out. I don't mean "sob, sob blow my nose-done!"
I mean sob like I'm at a funeral and my neighbours are wondering wtf is going on in that chick's apartment!
I didn't want to cover it up with ice cream or chips (I refused to buy some today!).
I wanted to let out all my stress and awful days with the kids out.
One big sob fest for this mama.

But it didn't happen. I teared up a little here and there. My sob fest turned into deep annoyance with Nicholas Sparks and the producers of the movie because I didn't like how it ended.
I actually love when the happily ever occurs in a movie! As long as it's not mega cheesy.
But it didn't happen to my satisfaction and I still had this dam waiting to burst.

So I cruised through Netflix again -to see if there was something non-commital available.
I saw "Grey's Anatomy" and I recall watching it religiously with a friend every week while we knitted in Canada and I remembered sobbing like a crazy lady at that episode where Denny dies.
Yeah - that one where Izzie is in a pink dress with beautiful waves in her up-do like Rapunzel.
Season 3 minus an episode - aka season 2 finale...aka season where that Denny guy dies.
I never did continue the series - life just got busy!

Well, guess what the heck happened instead?
I curled up and watched it and was a sobbing mess when Derek and Meredith (and side chick Addison) went to see the vet to put their dog to sleep.
That's when I was an emotional mess.  I sobbed, I cried and the music did me in and I was lying on the sofa with Milo freaking out and having flashbacks of when I had to get Blue put to sleep.
Not a pretty picture.

But did Milo judge me?

Nope.  He totally didn't give a rat's bum what I was doing.

Which is kind of better than the sappy eyed look and the paw on my shoulder I would've gotten if Blue was still alive to witness my sob-fest.  Then the forced "pet me, love me" head thrusts into my palm...oh I miss him.

Personally, I was just thrilled to let it ALL out!  And without Hubster around to freak and ask what he did wrong or what was I watching/reading on Facebook/online to get me to cry "that much".

I genuinely don't remember the point of this post - I was half asleep when I started it and funny enough, half asleep while I finish this!

Other than to express how disappointed I was in the ending of "Best of Me" and how I didn't shed a single tear over Denny dying - but I recall sobbing like there was no end in sight with my friend K in Canada...that was well over 7 years ago though... STILL - I started this post and may as well post it right?

Zzzz
BIMU

Quick Hello

I'll be the first to admit that the best thing about my husband travelling abroad for work is that I get to cook and eat whatever I want without having to worry about his Crohn's disease depicting our menu or his complaining and nagging (it's rare trust me) about the flat smelling like fish or garlic.

I am kindly reminded every time he goes away how tough it is to be a single parent.
I regularly write in my blog about how all the single parents in the world need a freaking high five multiplied by a million.
I also regularly feel like killing my husband during these times because something either in or out of his control occurs to f*ck up his travel plans (see video here - "My Husband Sucks At Travelling"), I'm usually sicker than a pack of dogs with a horrendous flu (so far so good *KNOCK ON WOOD*), one of the kids has to go to the hospital (again, *knock on wood*) or some other crazy stuff occurs.

Thankfully, there were some cancellations for overnight care so we lucked out and he has a spot there again tomorrow straight until Hubster gets back home.
And he just came home today from overnight care and I'm already debating on how long I can hide in the bathroom (door locked obviously) and devour some ice-cream.

I treated myself to a shower today (i.e. something longer than 2½ minutes) and my nostrils are burning from the stench of V-Man's perma-poo smell.
I've managed to jam A-Man's fingers in the storage locker (read: heavy metal cellar door) while closing it quickly, as I was running late to get the V-Man, and A-Man thought it would be wise to shove his fingers between the hinges.
His screams got Milo barking upstairs, M-Girl screaming - everyone screaming or howling in some fashion.  (Except me of course - that'd be so 4 years old.)

But I'm surviving and I'm being braver with asking for help from friends.  Because if I don't ask for help (stupid me for taking M-Girl and A-Man out of daycare thinking it'd be easier) - I get overwhelmed by the screaming, the crying, the fists flying and the self-abusing V-Man.
I can't count to 10 silently in my head and take a deep breath.  Wish I could but when it's the heat of the moment - I'm just not able to.
Kudos to those who can back away from a stressful, screaming situation and just pause and reflect.

Currently, I busted A-Man for jumping off the sofa and landing hard on his arse on a bag of yarn.
He thought it was funny - and he continuously thinks it's funny until he gets hurt of course.
He started crying and of course set M-Girl and V-Man had his hand up and ready to slap his face if A-Man didn't stop immediately.

Anyways, I'll be "Staying Alive" and trying not to freak as V-Man rubs my boobs (like I can't tell what he's trying to do or FEEL IT), kids drown themselves in movies for the night and wait for my friend to come over so I can walk the dogs for longer than 15 minutes.
I can't walk the dogs for long or at all with V-Man at home alone because he will seek and destroy things, open the door and so on.  The only way to keep him inside is by double-locking the doors from the outside or chaining it.
And with him and A-Man always fighting - better to have a friend over for supper instead - so much easier.

Your friendly neighbourhood part-time Momster and full-time "No" broken record,
BIMU

PS Tonight is going to be a Ben & Jerry's night once they're all asleep.  Wish me luck.

"An Experience"

We were recently invited to a birthday party of a friend's daughter's - who was turning the big 0-5 and I wanted to be sure of what kind of gift to give.
Last year we gave some pretty awesome pajamas and a Dr. Seuss book and maybe even a quickly sewn blanket to go with (I can't remember).
This year because she's 5 and she probably knows what she wants compared to her younger toddler years - I figured it'd be best to find out what she wanted or more importantly, NEEDED and go with it.

This year, I asked what we could get the birthday girl "E".  E's mom said that they would prefer less on the materialistic side because they want to raise their child with more experiences instead.  And also they only had so much space for more toys - fair enough!

I loved the idea and instantly thought one of the following:

• Movie tickets
• Restaurant gift card
• Hop Lop (indoor play arena) gift card

I had to clarify after a day of thinking what she meant by "experiences".

She kindly explained that it didn't have to be expensive.  It could be an experience of something they could do as a family or with another family.

Fair enough.  Now I had to re-think things and be mindful of our own budget too.

These were the things I thought of:

• Little indoor garden kit - herb garden or beans or something... (boring)
• Nail polish (I'm sure the father would love this..ha.) (messy)
• Cooking or baking utensils - but they probably have a lot already...
• Hiking with us - but they're probably going to do that at some point anyhow - so not very "special" in terms of birthday-ness.
• Handicraft kit - but if the parents don't know how to do it - sure they could learn online or ask questions - it might just be more frustrating for everyone involved.

So as I was cruising through Pinterest (part of my bed time routine - some people wear face masks - I use Pinterest!) - I came across cookie mix in a jar.

So simple and I had 99% of the ingredients at home.

I just needed a jar, some sort of ribbon and a birthday card to write the ingredients and instructions.

BOOM DONE.

I can't find the recipe I used but it was some sort of M&M cookie mix! I figure they're more or less the same depending on how sweet you like your cookies!
That's 2 cups of flour on the bottom - at least I can remember that!

So if you don't know how one of these puppies work it's fairly simple (and obviously you should buy a better sized jar than I did - or fill that up with small cookie cutters or something).

You layer the dry ingredients (flour, baking soda or powder, sugar(s), cocoa powder and candies) in a neat and tight fashion (press down especially if you need the space!) and then put a lid on top.

You can get all fancy pants with it and use a Sharpie, stickers or labels or nice ribbons to decorate it and usually there's a tag involved (I was already over an hour late for this party) - with the instructions.  You can stick the label on the outside of the jar or inside or in a card or on your forehead - I'm sure it'd be greatly appreciated ;) .

Usually an egg or milk or butter is involved and of course the baking instructions!

And guess what?  You don't have to make cookie mix.

You can make brownie mix, bread mix, hot chocolate mixes...the possibilities are endless!

Just be sure to put only the dry ingredients in the jar eh? :)

Here's some fabulous ideas from Pinterest!
Just look up "Mason Jar cookie mixes" or recipes or "brownies/bread" whatever you want mixes :D

These would make great gifts for any season or event and excellent party favours (you can find smaller batched recipes for smaller sized jars online too).

Cheers,
BIMU

PS I don't remember the measurements but here's what I put in that jar:

• 2 Cups of flour
• 2 tsp of baking soda (or maybe it was only 1 - like I said - don't quote me on this!)
• 3/4 Cup of brown sugar
• 1/4 Cup of white sugar
• A good shaking of hot chocolate powder mix :D
• 1 bag of M&M-like chocolate candies
  
  Then I scribbled instructions on her birthday card.

Things V-Man Does - That He Probably Shouldn't.

Here's a list off the top of  my head of things that the V-Man does (or did) that is generally not accepted by society for a neuro-typical child.

I'm okay with some of it honestly because he is very touch-sensitive with his lips and smelling things is quite important to him.
And oh right - he has that side-kick autism to give him a hand.

• Shoving things up his nose - actually no, I'm not too okay with this one - as it caused swelling in his nose and we accused A-Man of breaking it with the Hulk toy.
• His recent attempt was a piece of gum he chewed.  Caught that one though - before it entered Nostril - The Black Hole.
• Now - our fingers or his - whichever goes!
• Jump.  He jumps a lot - he's starting to find other things to do - but jumping for him is an expression of his own happiness.  Who am I to say no to that?  Unless it's going to hurt him or endanger someone else of course...
• Eat with his hands - hello sensory overload.  Hello life skills!  Cave men started out that way and I'm cool with the V-Man touching his food so he feels comfortable enough to eat it.
• Sniff his food.
• Touch food to his lips but doesn't eat it for a few minutes.
• Put his pizza toppings down on a table (we aim for a plate) and then eats it.  Why?  No idea why he does it but guess what?  A table can be wiped - so I've learned to get over it.
• Kick his shoes off when eating in public - maybe his feet are too hot.  Maybe he wants more toe wiggling space.  Maybe he wants to be comfortable eating and wearing shoes weighs him down.  I have no idea - but he doesn't fight when it comes to putting them back on - so that's cool.
• But now he undresses - at least his snow suit when eating at Subway...
• Wipe his hands on his head - no idea why he does this.  Maybe he just doesn't get what napkins are for.
• Grope tatas/boobs/breasts - we're trying to get him to quit this one as it's highly annoying to me and probably quite offensive to others.
• Rummaging through strangers' bags - another one we're trying to work on.  And it truly freaks people out whenever this happens - especially if it's a Finnish person because they're quite reserved and private...and there's my 6-year old checking what groceries they bought.
• He did this to a young man of maybe 18 and he was mega awkward and just walked backwards a bit...which of course the V-Man took as a "I'mma gonna stalk you challenge"....then the bus came and the guy ran away.
• Strip.  Without fail - every birthday involves at least one of my children stripping.  Don't ask me why - as I have no frickin' clue.  But typically it's when the V-Man wants to wear pajamas - he'll strip.  Or when he needs a diaper change.
• Yes - we've played the "find his dirty diaper" game before.  Yuck is correct.
• Stealing food.  By "stealing" - I mean taking food from other people's plates at parties, overloading his own tummy at parties or just flat out taking food he didn't ask for.  How in the world he's not ill on the regular - I don't know.
• Not nap.  Trust me - I'd love it if he still napped but he stopped around 3 years old and shows no interest in napping at day-care/school or overnight care and definitely not at home.  This leads to an earlier bed time and a more solid night of sleep!

I'm sure I'm missing a lot of things but again, off the top of my head and for the sake of getting this blog post out there - these are some things!
:)
BIMU

Happy Birthday V-Man

Dearest V-Man,

You're 6 years old and I cannot believe it. 3:23am 6 years ago was one of the most biggest reliefs ever!  We didn't know your gender and we didn't care.  You were our first and a surprise!
I truly remember most details of my whole pregnancy with you and of course, our move from Canada to Finland.
I remember all those times you felt the need to play peek-a-boo instead of being born already.  (There was a lot of swearing and threats in my delivery room that night.)
I try to forget and I mostly have forgotten what it was like before your diagnosis - because all I remember was a lot of tears and screaming from both of us.
I've calculated that we've changed approximately 3650 dirty diapers (assuming 10 a day or more- seriously) - but we're still alive.
Enough of this negative junk...

These past three years - you have surpassed our expectations in so many little things that they heavily outweigh those first two years of your toddler-hood scream fest.
Your smile and infectious giggle lights up our world - you don't even know how happy it makes us. It is impossible to not follow suit after seeing how happy you are.
Your eagerness to help out with the dishes or the laundry - and yes, it quite often means half a bottle of soap is gone - but the thing is you tried.  Or when we can't find piles of folded clean laundry because you took it upon yourself to shove it all into your dresser drawers.  Even though the clothes weren't yours.
The way your face lights up when you figure something out is also precious.  I cherish these the most because it teaches you SO many things like cause and effect, basic life skills and fun.
Even though you put a pore strip package into the Xbox One and we had to buy a new one because it totally broke the machine...
Your ability to trust someone is so grand and I truly hope that nobody will break your heart and lose your trust because yours is overflowing and special.

For someone with quite a diagnosis- you have taught us lots of things.
Here's a list of some of them.

• Be silly - always.  No need to be serious ALL THE TIME.
• Think outside the box.  Find different ways to communicate, to express, to play and to love.
• Laugh.  Laugh because you can and because you want to and don't care what others are thinking.  Even when it seems like you're laughing at nothing.
• Just try.  There are so many times I have thought and accused you of pushing your boundaries and really - you were just trying to learn something new.  Once I realized this and thought outside the box and in line with your thinking (so it may be) - it got super interesting watching you do what you do.
• Equality & fairness.  Everyone in your eyes gets fair and equal treatment.  Us, your siblings, the dogs, the neighbours, the bus driver, the strangers that stare, the kinder strangers who smile your way.  It says a lot that you see everyone as equal.  A grand lesson many could learn from.
• Express yourself.  It might not look or sound lovely when you're upset.  But you express yourself the only ways you know how and can cope with.  Something I tend to bottle up inside are my emotions but you toss them at us freely and in the rawest form.
  Thank you.

We look forward to what you come up with next and we want you to know that we appreciate and love you for who you are and as you are.

XOXO
BIMU