A Side of Autism: My Moisturized Sofa

I love my kids and there are times where I am more on the "why the f*ck did I have kids?" end of the scale.

Remember that awesome trip to Helsinki I vlogged about?  Well, I was riding on that high of having a meltdown-free day with the V-Man and even managing to travel to Helsinki and back within the same day (almost 8 hours on a bus!) and it was all burnt to smithereens this morning.

We (Hubster and I) were still asleep and we knew 2/3 kids were awake.  We found out that the V-Man was awake when A-Man started screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I let the Hubster go check and see how much damage control would be needed and then when I heard him shout, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I braced myself for the worst.
Like laundry soap all over our old hardwood floors (that soak up liquid like sponges - so you need to act fast!) or more fabric softener...

I opened my eyes and saw white stuff everywhere on our grey sofa.

Thankfully - my sofa probably needs to be washed anyway.

Unfortunately - I'm super lazy and don't have a car to rent a deep cleaning vacuum.

I then saw red.

Why be so pissed off about THIS much lotion spread deeply and all over my sofa?  Along with my daughter M-Girl who was caked head to toe in it?

Because I just bought the lotion the day prior, it was 750 ml and was nearly empty by the time we saw that up there and I used it once.

I'm trying to be better at moisturizing my skin because frankly - my legs look like snake skin boots - for free! HA!

I was also mad because it was Burt's Bees lotion and I can't get that in my city - so it was a real shocker for me when I walked past a shop and saw it for 50% off.

So what you're looking at (not including the blobs of lotion in M-Girl's hair, on her belly and all over her hands, feet and diaper/pajamas) - is 9€ of lotion everywhere.

We know the V-Man did it because A) he was caught red (white?) handed with the tube in his hand and hand painting it everywhere and B) A-Man shouted it to us.

I'm calmer now about it - I can almost chuckle about it.

I realize it could have been worse.

It could've been blood.  Mud.  Poop.  Pee. Wine.  Vaseline.  Olive oil.  Soya sauce. 

Remember my New Year's Resolutions?

Calmer parent - well, that's gone.  In fact, on NY Day - I am pretty sure I screeched the roof off about something at the kids and cursed a storm.

That morning of the moisturizing sofa incident - I did a billion times worse.  I think I yelled at V-Man and M-Girl (as she was caked in it) for a solid 5 minutes - like hollered at them - for a solid 5 minutes.
Then I stormed off and tried to scrub the sofa with sofa cleaner and then went to the bedroom to sob and calm down.

But it's done and over with and the stain is sort of fading.

And Milo licked the sofa a lot for the next 2 days to try and help me out I guess.

This is exactly why I don't buy new anything (with few exceptions like underwear, groceries, toilet paper and so on).
And it's also why we don't have white clothes or furniture.
This is the life of motherhood that annoys me the most I suppose and I have no shame in saying that.
I'd love to meet the parents that thoroughly enjoy parenting to the extent that they're happy 100% of the time.  Never once having a melt-down or a breakdown (whatever sounds nice to you), children that are pure angels that do no wrong and can own nice things from the moment they're with their partner straight through baby barf, toddler-hood and creative art on the wall ages.
(Or is this completely imaginary like unicorns?)
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