Thursday, 1 January 2015

Let's Be Honest: Things We Say Outloud at Home

Instead of giving a play-by-play of what a day with an autistic child in our home is like - I figured I'd do it a bit differently.  Here are things we say/yell on a regular basis to our kids:
  • Don't do that!  Leave it alone!  No! (And every other variation...)
  • Keep it in your pants!  Put your penis away!  Put it back in the diaper!
  • Did you pee on the floor?
  • Don't step/stomp in your poop!
  • Could you stop pooping for a day - PLEASE?!
  • Let's go this way...
  • You have to stop kissing your friends at day-care...that's why they separated you two.
  • You're getting a shower - you're not dying.
  • Will you just PLEASE co-operate?
  • When does day-care start again?  
  • Is it Monday yet?!
  • Why are you awake?
  • Go to sleep.
  • Shut the lights off!
  • Put it back.
  • Stop eating dog food! (Only seemed to happen when my kids are teething thankfully.)
  • Stop emptying the dog water bowl!
    • Stop putting stuff in the dog water bowl...
  • Stay still!
  • The stove is HOT!  Don't touch please!
    • Don't lick the wok.
    • Did you put this in the food you're mixing?! (It was dish soap and A-Man did say "Yes.  Mix-it, mix it."
  • Leave Daddy's bum/privates alone!
  • Stop headbutting people in the privates...
  • Stop groping the ladies!/men!
  • No, we don't touch people we don't know...
  • Keep your hands to yourself...
  • Don't bite me!/him!/her!
  • Stop hitting!
  • Stop jumping!
  • Are you nuts?! (usually refers to some crazy parkour-like technique that looks like the child will break every bone in their body and they don't...)
  • Don't eat their food - please eat your own...
  • Aww - you hit your head?  Let's hug.  Now let's talk about why racing under the tables was a bad idea...and the cause of your bumped head.
  • Hurry - the bus is coming!
  • Stop eating snow.
    • I hope that's not yellow snow.
  • Do you need to potty?/pee?/poop?
    • Are you sure?
  • (Various swear words.)
  • Santa's always watching...
  • Want to meet the Tooth Fairy?  Fall on your face again and it just might happen...
  • Yes unfortunately we have to:
    • Shower you.
    • Clean your ears.
    • Cut your nails.
    • And your toenails too.
    • Cut your hair.
    • Put clothing on you.
    • Put outdoor clothing on you.
    • Clean and temporarily ignore your every single demand for us to see what you're doing.
  • I can't wait until you have kids some day... 
I'm sure this list is fairly short... and yes, it's mostly true. :)

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