Friday, 2 January 2015

My Body - My Way

I'm not fit.  I don't exercise.  I don't put any effort.
"How typical - another whiny post about how she'll change her eating and exercise habits because it's a new year..."

Nope.  Slightly different.

I openly admit that I hate how my body looks about 90% of the time and am finding myself sucking in and leaning back to push that metal button into that hole to do up my snow pants...and several pairs of jeans too.
However, my winter coat is long enough that nobody will SEE my snow pants aren't done up as we walk with our dogs and play with our kids at the park!

I'll never have an 8-pack...or a 6-pack...I have this massive scar the length of my torso almost - so yeah...that's another story for another time...but my "abs" may end up looking like zig-zagged dinner rolls anyway.
I have a bad back - so the idea of sit-ups, crunches or push-ups is probably not a good idea - seeing as 20-minutes of wrestling with kids and swinging them around - puts me out for the night.  And I don't mean my 5-year old.  I mean an almost 2-year old E-girl (A-Man's main squeeze) who is fairly petite and A-Man himself (3-years old).
Call me weird but I do love planking - thanks to the Wii Fit! (Which I need to connect somehow...that jerk motivates me somehow...I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see me after 3 years.)

But here's what I'm going to do (as I sip a kid's sized cup of Pepsi):
  • Eat healthier
    • I actually hate the word "diet".  Unless referring to a special diet because of allergies or foodie lifestyle (i.e. vegetarian).  So I'm not thinking of this "eat healthier" section as a "diet" but as "Eat lots of variety and healthier choices.  Downsize those damn portions!"
    • Sweets once a week when with the knitting group I frequent.  And special occasions like birthday parties etc.
    • Opt for a salad or a wrap if actually hungry and having to eat at a fast-food location (i.e with the V-Man during our "Mommy and me" lunch dates).  I did that today actually and skipped the fries.
      • Be mindful that what I ate during the day and try to pack in healthier stuff later.  To both help smooth over my guilt and to make me more energetic. (I made a chicken and veggies stir-fry this evening and ate mostly veggies...)
    • Cut back on portion size.  I'm not "anti-white rice, anti- pasta and anti-this and that" - but I just need to stop feeling so full I could burst.  I need to get back to the "Oh I feel full - let's top it off with water to seal in the cracks in my belly and snack on fruit later if hungry again."
  • Stop buying pop & junk food - because if the temptation is in the house - it's in my tummy!
    • Go back to using my fruit-infuser water bottle.  The thing is bloody brilliant and I have a freezer with a tonne of frozen strawberries screaming to be used!  And it's easy to pick up a lemon or lime...and some fresh mint too. (I'm done with that cup of Pepsi now - thanks for asking!)
    • Use my new-to-me salad spinner and whip out kale chips like it's nobody's business!
  • Relax more.
    • I'm not buying anymore yarn this year - so far I'm onto day 2 and didn't even THINK of using my gift card in my wallet! Ha.  So that means I have a lot of yarn to use up - and knitting/crocheting is going to help me relax.
    • I'm going to be starting Finnish lessons intensively- and that's a 10-minutes bus ride...20-minutes a day total.  That's extra time to just clear my head, be child-free and just chill mentally.  (And knit on the bus.)
    • Isolate myself from the internet a couple hours of the day to just knit, menu plan, take care of my body (had a sauna session and feel fantastic!) and read.
  • Exercise when I can - and NOT stress about it. 
    • I walk the dogs.  I hike in the woods -not for hours on end...but better than sitting on my arse blogging right? (Yes I realize the irony in this.)
    • I need to:  walk more, try planking more, try doing some yoga or set up the exercising games for the Xbox thingy or the Wii (can't find 1 stupid cord to get it set up!).
    • I see NO point in getting a gym membership because I don't know what my school schedule will be like and I don't want to waste money.  I've done the gym membership before and I didn't use it a lot.  And that was life BEFORE kids.
    • Keep bringing my backpack and reusable grocery bags to the store and fill it as much as I can handle and that'll be my weight lifting.  (Or push the baby in the stroller filled with stuff.)
      • Or push stroller with 15kg of dog food and groceries and carry nearly 1-year old M-Girl. :)
  • Ditch the stress.
    • I get a lot of weird inquiries on Facebook that I spend far too much time trying to sort out.  Again - I'm probably being too nice.  Again - I need to not waste so much time on it.  (I'll blog about it later...)
    • Money is a big stresser for me - so I'm trying to cut back on spending on un-necessary things.
    • Clean as I go.
    • Organize better (I am constantly losing my wallet!).
  • Take better care of me.
    • If you cut a chunk of wood off a tree and handed it to me - my heels could probably smooth it to a polished shine.  THAT'S how cracked and disgusting my feet are.  Yep - I'm admitting it.  It's nasty and I need to work on them.
      • Let's not even discuss the state of my nails, cuticles etc. 
      • I don't actually care about the state of my hands - but with the winter here - the dry air is cracking my hands up.  And not in a funny manner! ;)
    • Mentally.  I'm a bottle-it-all-up then have a massive melt-down type of person.  This typically happens around my period and sometimes I bottle things up for months.  Whenever the SH is out of town on conference or at meetings - I'm usually on the brink of a kids don't know who I am and it's overall quite messy.  I cry like I'm at a massive funeral (and probably shed a pound or two in doing so) and have a swollen face the next day.  I need to stop letting myself get to THAT point.
    • I so rarely wear make-up.  I'm terrible at it.  I don't do the cat-eye, the smoke-eye, the smudged eyes...the sunset eyelids...nothing bold or over the top.  I honestly feel like I'm wearing a lot when I use a bit of dark brown eyeliner and remember to moisturize my face before heading out the door.  Which is 1% of the time and typically for "special occasions".
      (I'm terrified of wearing red lipstick...something to add to the bucket list I suppose.)
Whenever I (rarely) whine to my spouse about feeling fat and flabby, he chooses wisely to not say anything.
He has a medical condition (Crohn's) that has him looking fit and athletic.

"If I say you look fine - you say I'm lying to you.  If I say 'Yeah - you're fat ' - I'm an asshole.  It's just easier to say nothing at all." - SH
Yes opposites attract!

So where the heck this post come from?
I was just heating up in the sauna (can't really say I was chillin'...), looked down at my flubby belly and realized I want it gone.  It's obviously not going to go away immediately by lotion or magic if I want to look better by the time I'm 30 - I better start now.  And seeing as I do all the cooking - I'm the one that has to make sure what I put in my body is something the kids should be eating too - and because food is addicting to me as my yarn, fabric & second-hand shopping is- the only one responsible is me.

So who am I doing it for if the SH doesn't seem to care?
Me.  My kids.  (Because nobody likes being seen panting and drenched in sweat while chasing their kids in the playground as they run in 3 separate directions...I'm sort of predicting next summer...)
But mostly me.  I'd like to be fitter, fit in my clothes better without shopping for new-to-me stuff in increasingly larger sizes and in general - just feel happier about my appearance overall.
Time to take a bit of selfishness up to the next level!  And not feel bad about it.

So - that's that.

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