Things V-Man Does - That He Probably Shouldn't.

Here's a list off the top of  my head of things that the V-Man does (or did) that is generally not accepted by society for a neuro-typical child.

I'm okay with some of it honestly because he is very touch-sensitive with his lips and smelling things is quite important to him.
And oh right - he has that side-kick autism to give him a hand.

• Shoving things up his nose - actually no, I'm not too okay with this one - as it caused swelling in his nose and we accused A-Man of breaking it with the Hulk toy.
• His recent attempt was a piece of gum he chewed.  Caught that one though - before it entered Nostril - The Black Hole.
• Now - our fingers or his - whichever goes!
• Jump.  He jumps a lot - he's starting to find other things to do - but jumping for him is an expression of his own happiness.  Who am I to say no to that?  Unless it's going to hurt him or endanger someone else of course...
• Eat with his hands - hello sensory overload.  Hello life skills!  Cave men started out that way and I'm cool with the V-Man touching his food so he feels comfortable enough to eat it.
• Sniff his food.
• Touch food to his lips but doesn't eat it for a few minutes.
• Put his pizza toppings down on a table (we aim for a plate) and then eats it.  Why?  No idea why he does it but guess what?  A table can be wiped - so I've learned to get over it.
• Kick his shoes off when eating in public - maybe his feet are too hot.  Maybe he wants more toe wiggling space.  Maybe he wants to be comfortable eating and wearing shoes weighs him down.  I have no idea - but he doesn't fight when it comes to putting them back on - so that's cool.
• But now he undresses - at least his snow suit when eating at Subway...
• Wipe his hands on his head - no idea why he does this.  Maybe he just doesn't get what napkins are for.
• Grope tatas/boobs/breasts - we're trying to get him to quit this one as it's highly annoying to me and probably quite offensive to others.
• Rummaging through strangers' bags - another one we're trying to work on.  And it truly freaks people out whenever this happens - especially if it's a Finnish person because they're quite reserved and private...and there's my 6-year old checking what groceries they bought.
• He did this to a young man of maybe 18 and he was mega awkward and just walked backwards a bit...which of course the V-Man took as a "I'mma gonna stalk you challenge"....then the bus came and the guy ran away.
• Strip.  Without fail - every birthday involves at least one of my children stripping.  Don't ask me why - as I have no frickin' clue.  But typically it's when the V-Man wants to wear pajamas - he'll strip.  Or when he needs a diaper change.
• Yes - we've played the "find his dirty diaper" game before.  Yuck is correct.
• Stealing food.  By "stealing" - I mean taking food from other people's plates at parties, overloading his own tummy at parties or just flat out taking food he didn't ask for.  How in the world he's not ill on the regular - I don't know.
• Not nap.  Trust me - I'd love it if he still napped but he stopped around 3 years old and shows no interest in napping at day-care/school or overnight care and definitely not at home.  This leads to an earlier bed time and a more solid night of sleep!

I'm sure I'm missing a lot of things but again, off the top of my head and for the sake of getting this blog post out there - these are some things!
:)
BIMU

Happy Birthday V-Man

Dearest V-Man,

You're 6 years old and I cannot believe it. 3:23am 6 years ago was one of the most biggest reliefs ever!  We didn't know your gender and we didn't care.  You were our first and a surprise!
I truly remember most details of my whole pregnancy with you and of course, our move from Canada to Finland.
I remember all those times you felt the need to play peek-a-boo instead of being born already.  (There was a lot of swearing and threats in my delivery room that night.)
I try to forget and I mostly have forgotten what it was like before your diagnosis - because all I remember was a lot of tears and screaming from both of us.
I've calculated that we've changed approximately 3650 dirty diapers (assuming 10 a day or more- seriously) - but we're still alive.
Enough of this negative junk...

These past three years - you have surpassed our expectations in so many little things that they heavily outweigh those first two years of your toddler-hood scream fest.
Your smile and infectious giggle lights up our world - you don't even know how happy it makes us. It is impossible to not follow suit after seeing how happy you are.
Your eagerness to help out with the dishes or the laundry - and yes, it quite often means half a bottle of soap is gone - but the thing is you tried.  Or when we can't find piles of folded clean laundry because you took it upon yourself to shove it all into your dresser drawers.  Even though the clothes weren't yours.
The way your face lights up when you figure something out is also precious.  I cherish these the most because it teaches you SO many things like cause and effect, basic life skills and fun.
Even though you put a pore strip package into the Xbox One and we had to buy a new one because it totally broke the machine...
Your ability to trust someone is so grand and I truly hope that nobody will break your heart and lose your trust because yours is overflowing and special.

For someone with quite a diagnosis- you have taught us lots of things.
Here's a list of some of them.

• Be silly - always.  No need to be serious ALL THE TIME.
• Think outside the box.  Find different ways to communicate, to express, to play and to love.
• Laugh.  Laugh because you can and because you want to and don't care what others are thinking.  Even when it seems like you're laughing at nothing.
• Just try.  There are so many times I have thought and accused you of pushing your boundaries and really - you were just trying to learn something new.  Once I realized this and thought outside the box and in line with your thinking (so it may be) - it got super interesting watching you do what you do.
• Equality & fairness.  Everyone in your eyes gets fair and equal treatment.  Us, your siblings, the dogs, the neighbours, the bus driver, the strangers that stare, the kinder strangers who smile your way.  It says a lot that you see everyone as equal.  A grand lesson many could learn from.
• Express yourself.  It might not look or sound lovely when you're upset.  But you express yourself the only ways you know how and can cope with.  Something I tend to bottle up inside are my emotions but you toss them at us freely and in the rawest form.
  Thank you.

We look forward to what you come up with next and we want you to know that we appreciate and love you for who you are and as you are.

XOXO
BIMU

Meet Milo

I don't know if I believe in ghosts or religion or anything like that to be honest - but I totally believe in signs.

A few nights ago I had a sweet dream of lying in bed with Blue (who has since passed away 2 months ago) and I asked if it was okay if we got another dog because Loki is so darn lonely.
He nodded, took a deep breath and put his front leg on my arm and we snuggled tight and I woke up - yep you guessed it - a sobbing mess.

I took it as a sign that things will be okay and I didn't feel so bad about adopting another dog.

I know we didn't plan on having a second dog - so I had already sold a bunch of Blue's stuff already - thinking we truly wouldn't get another.
Loki as a solo dog is fantastic!  He doesn't bark, he's easy to walk, he responds well to clicker training - so why bother getting another?

Because Loki is pretty depressed.  He doesn't howl or bark when he's alone - and we tried putting calming music videos for him while we were away.  But still - as soon as he saw we were leaving without him - he'd sulk away.  And whenever we came home - we were nearly tackled with his 35 kg body.

It was time to look for another one.

I know there are several dogs being flown into Finland from countries that cannot care for them due to overpopulation - i.e. Spain, Cyprus etc. - but they were quite expensive.
Of course it covered sterilization, vaccines and their flight ticket (almost 500€) but I couldn't justify paying that much for a dog - regardless of its breed or sad story.  Trust me - I'm a sucker for sad stories!

After some time - I found Milo.  A Karelian Bear Dog mix with a striking looking face and he was wearing a scarf in his photo - I mean, who can't resist a dog in accessories?!  Well, my husband for one can - but anyway.  Even HE was impressed by the scarf!

Anyway, after bouncing the idea around and finding out we had to wait for another family - who were ahead of us - we got confirmation last Sunday that we'd be getting him and my lovely neighbour and I zipped out there with Loki in tow.

The first meeting was a bit awkward as I didn't know he would be SO protective of his home and lunge at me.
I was trying to remain calm and not break a sweat or have him smell fear.  I've never been bitten or attacked by a dog - and I certainly didn't want to experience it any time soon.
After I passed his sniff test - I was allowed in his home and we decided that since we drove 3 hours to see him - we may as well adopt him and bring him back home.

He barked the whole way home and managed to get into the front seat during the last forty-five minutes of the trip.

I know not everyone thinks it's a great idea getting another dog - it's obviously not the smartest idea I've had in the world.
Milo has issues we need to work on and we'll be working with a trainer next week to try and smooth out the few bumps he has in his behaviour. :)  Like barking, being extremely protective of me during our night walks, separation anxiety and stealing food...
But as you can see in the photo - Loki is pretty darn happy and so is Milo - and that's what matters.

It's been 6 days and Milo has experienced a lot of firsts in such a short time!
Like being off leash in the woods, going to a dog park, living with another dog, travelling by bus and learning clicker training.
Something really special is that when V-Man first met Milo - he immediately went over to pet him and that was that.  Milo immediately sniffed the air and around V-Man and noticed something different and doesn't mind V-Man's erratic moves - which can be quite unpredictable!

"With love and patience, nothing is impossible." - Daisaku Ikeda
BIMU

PS You can meet Milo here on YouTube!

#Seeamazing

Sorry it's been awhile - you know how it is!
I'm finally done my Finnish language course and exams and am eagerly awaiting to find out if I got a cooking school position in the new year.

Some big changes have happened to my blog lately - well, more so my Facebook page and I'm still in shock.

I don't know if you heard - but Sesame Street is rolling out an autism awareness initiative program and I think it's a fantastic idea!
I've already seen the first music video, "The Amazing Song" - and I was so touched and amazed with it - I sobbed my eyes out.
It was AMAZING because I saw kids in that video that looked just like my V-Man.  Kids that screamed and cried, communicated not with their voice but with a tablet or pictures....kids that also smiled and were amazed by the simplest of things.
Poor Hubster didn't know what to do with my overflow of emotions (or why I was THAT ecstatic) - he just hid in the bathroom.
Then I filmed a video right away - while I could express exactly how I was feeling in that specific moment.  I had already filmed a video and honestly, couldn't even tell you what it was about - I was such a sobby-happy mess.  (I guess "sobby" isn't a word - but you know what I mean!)

So this video went viral I guess - of me blubbering and crying and thanking not only Sesame Street - but "Autism Daddy" for helping with their project too and I really didn't think Autism Daddy/Frank from Sesame Street - would ever see my video.
I was floored and beyond starstruck when I got a mention from his Facebook page, a few hundred new followers and he commented on my video personally - that yes, he did see it and was happy I liked it and that I made him cry too.
*Cue the water works* and my husband wondering if someone died.
Yep - that's me - a crying machine.

Anyway, I'm still in shock and I wanted to address all of this in a blog post (before I pick up my dog - Milo!).

A friend shared the Sesame Street autism awareness program on her Facebook and wished her daughters were still into SS.  I said I think it's worth getting them to watch it because it's an excellent way of educating neurotypical children about what autism is.
If my V-Man didn't have autism - I'd still watch the whole thing and get my kids to watch it too. Here's why:

1. It shows what autism is in a positive manner.  That's not to say that autism is so incredibly awesome and everyday is perfect - but that autism isn't the WORST possible thing in the world.
2. It shows what autism is in a safe environment.  There are some autistic children who react to meeting new people in a negative or violent/aggressive way - or heck - they're having a crap-ass day too.  So being able to show this to a child in an environment that's determined by you, the parent, makes it possible.
1. This would also be awesome to watch in schools/day-cares.
3. Maybe you don't know anyone with autistic kids to try and meet up and have a play-date with.  That's certainly true for where we live.  We know two - one is 13 with verbal capabilities and the other is 4 with semi-verbal capability.
1. Maybe your child is recently diagnosed and currently you're lost and confused as to how best to help your child.
4. It doesn't hurt to educate your child that there are children/people in the world different from them. Not everyone can speak, hear, see or walk on both legs.  

I was a wee bit embarrassed to post a sobbing video of myself - but I'm glad to report that the response has been positive and a lot of people felt the same way too.

And the best thing that came out of it - was being able to connect with SO many families in the same boat as me and having this new community to be part of - no matter where we live.

So thank you so much for making my week.  

I appreciate each and every one of you reaching out to me - it means the world to me! :)
xo BIMU

A Side of Autism: Time For a Reality Check (and Music Therapy!)

So if you didn't know - I've been filming YouTube videos lately mostly "vlogging" (video blogging) my experience (thus far) as a mother of 3 kids and 1 having autism and another with SLI.
I will be filming about other topics soon - but so far - the things that have come up most frequently in my life lately - has been V-Man's autism!
That and a friend has asked me a list of questions - so I thought it'd be cool to try and make short less than 10-minutes videos about those various topics!

He's currently at overnight care and I took a short 39-seconds long video of what a V-Man melt-down is like (then added some of my own vlogging in there).
So please, turn down the volume PRIOR to watching it or don't watch it at work because your co-worker is probably wondering why you're watching such a sad and torturous video!
As you can see in it, he's screaming, yelling and slapping/pinching himself.
He was actually quite easy on himself to be honest!!  Normally it's a straight 5-minutes (or more) of slapping his own face.  He was just done with music therapy and wanted to leave and he couldn't figure out how to open the door.

A few weeks ago, I was approached by a Master's student inquiring if I'd be interested in having the V-Man try out some music therapy.
I warned the Master's Student (MS) that V-Man is non-verbal, I'm not sure how he'd react or if he'd even sit in one spot for 30-45 minutes...and I stressed that I was worried it'd be a waste of time for him.
MS said it was fine because he wanted to study children of a particular age and with both a disability and without.  The key thing for HIM is that the kids understood English to some degree - as the instructions and songs would be in English.

The first meeting was a brief intro and once V-Man discovered the CD-player - he was done with learning about instruments or singing songs.
I'm happy to say that the second meeting (it's twice a week until almost Christmas) was more successful on my end because he was familiar with the bus stop compared to the first meeting - where he kicked and screamed and I had to drag/carry him to the building.  So that made it easier.
He even touched the drums with his feet (which we had to nip in the bud because he wanted to stand on them) and then with his hands nicely.

WAHOO!

Then I started filming during the good-bye song because V-Man was having a melt-down and was just simply done with it all.

I have been debating internally with myself on whether or not I should post this video but then I thought, "Why not?"

Here's my reasoning, before you think I'm a crazy parent:

• I didn't start the tantrum/melt-down.  I didn't want to - but I did want to show my friends and family and also others - what it's really like for us to have an autistic child cry.  
• The oppourtunity to share a snippet of his actions was enough for me and I believe, enough for your own ears too.  
• Just imagine hours of this on and off throughout a day...
• That I really don't beat my kid and that those slaps and pinches are truly self-inflicted.  Not that I think nobody believes me - but also if you see another child with a disability - perhaps they really did do it to themselves.  Here's my proof that my kid does it to himself at least.
• That not all autistic children react the same.  The spectrum is huge and the big league scientists are constantly trying to figure out what an autistic person feels/thinks like.
• I wouldn't put all of the autistic kids I know in one group and say they're the same because they're not.
• It is in NO WAY a "shaming" video because that is simply not my intent whatsoever.  It's my only way to share what he's truly like when having a melt-down.  Other than have him visit you and have one in front of you.
• I have no reason and no urge to embarrass my children so publicly on a platform like a blog or YouTube - especially since I would never want the same to happen to me.  So please keep an open mind when watching the video.

I cannot soothe him properly in this video because I am filming (and with limited memory space on my phone) and trying to calm him down with my voice and with one hand.  Normally we take both of his hands and stroke our face or hair and try to remove him from the uncomfortable situation.

I truly am terrified that some day he'll yank my hair out - but for now will keep my fingers crossed.

We've TRIED giving him something to hold in his hand (something I forgot to mention in the video) and he ended up beating himself with whatever the item might be.

• Plush toy
• Dinky car
• Jingly keys (yes that hurt a lot)
• Food (pretty messy and apples are also painful)

So I know the video might be painful to watch but I hope you're able to see what it's like on my side of being a mom of an autistic kid with super strength and I hope this video somehow, raises autism awareness.

I was initially inspired by this article in the Huffington Post to share a snippet of my son's life on YouTube.

Thanks so much for reading my blog, following me/subscribing and so on - and for tolerating my 4-hours of sleep last night/super tired tears (but hey! class finals are finally done!)!!
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Phases

I went to a parent/teacher/therapist meeting today and it was awesome.
It was long (about 2 hours) but it was well worth it because I learned a lot of things about the V-Man's newer habits at school.
In Finland, children start the year they turn 7 years old but because V-Man is diagnosed with autism - he gets to start a year early - with the aims of graduating at the same time as his peers of the same age, who would start at 7.

Out of nowhere and near the end of the meeting, I had a light bulb moment.  A real "OMG I totally forgot he did that moment!"
So I thought it'd be cool to make a quick video of some of his more memorable phases and list here in this blog - as many of the phases he's gone through since being born.
Of course they might not apply to all children - autistic or not - but I found it really interesting!
My goal is to keep my videos 10 minutes long or less - hence this longer blog post! :)

• From birth to almost 1 year old:  V-Man absolutely could not be tolerated being held by the Hubster or anyone but me.  Unless he was nearly asleep, I had no freedom.  He didn't take a soother or a bottle ever.  Boob juice all the way.
• Physical contact was hard for V-Man.  He didn't care for anyone touching him, holding his hand or being held in someone else's lap.
• Now, he quite enjoys being cuddled a bit - on his own terms - and will grab random strangers hands.  Or bums.  That's awkward on the bus...
• He was potty trained (both #1 and #2) between 6-months old and 9-months.  Then he had an abscess on his rear end and absolutely refused to sit on a potty.  There went that out the window.
• He has been obsessed since he was 1.5 years  old with rubbing breasts and chests.  I truly think it's just a cause and effect reaction for him.  Not only the cause and effect of someone telling him "No - don't do that" after rubbing someone's chest but also the skin to t-shirt contact.  The fact that if you rub a nipple (let's just be blunt here) the skin gets hard.  But it's harder for him to get the same physical reaction from a woman because they're usually wearing bras.  
• Watching Disney Cars DVD - we're on our third copy.  
• Dear Disney, thanks to you changing the cover of the DVD - V-Man refuses to watch it now.  Despite the fact that nothing else changed otherwise.
• Watching Shrek 1-4 - he loves them all. But I think the first three films are his favourite.
• Biting/Chewing clothing and people - either his clothing or us - we ended this by buying him a really soft bunny on a string with a strong clip to attach to his coat/shirt.  Whenever he threatened to bite - we just popped that bunny in his mouth and he chomped hard on that instead.
• Grinding his teeth was my "OMG" moment this morning during our meeting and I just realized that he hadn't ground his teeth in ages!!!  He is a loud and hard grinder and his front tooth is actually chipped from grinding his teeth.  The dentist said there's nothing we can do but get him to use a mouth guard (yeah - that's not happening!) and hopefully he grows out of this phase before his adult teeth settle in!
• Poor diet: He could tell the difference between Chiquita and Dole or store-branded bananas.  He only ate bananas, yoghurt, bread, French fries, crackers and certain kind of burgers from a local chain.  That was the extent of his protein/meat intake.  Once we got him into a wonderful specialized day-care - he learned how to taste new foods and become a toddler/child with a teenager x5-sized appetite!
• Still doesn't like blood tests, needles, doctors or nurses.  He had a rough first blood test when he was younger and it was something out of a nightmare - blood squirting everywhere and 3 nurses plus myself holding down a 2-year old little boy.
• Jumping - enough said.
• Dropping breakfast on our face - to wake us up he'd bring either: bread, bunch of bananas, butter or an empty glass if he was thirsty and because our bed was against the wall - 1 parent got un-lucky with the V-Man alarm clock.
• Running away/wearing a safety harness - Here's the original blog post and a video to go with it.  

  

  2014

• Climbing - he still does.  He can get on wall radiators and arrange furniture just right for his climbing needs.  So far - no broken bones. *KNOCK ON WOOD*
• Not sleeping - this phase has passed I think - thanks to the wonders of Melatonin (an over the counter sleeping aid).  And he even sleeps in his own bed which just took persistence and ensuring A-Man went to sleep after V-Man did so it was nearly silent.



He did this on his own. 5-years old

• Ear Infections were an issue from 1.5-years to recently.  Thanks to tubes surgery - he is able to sleep better.  Oh and probably because his nose is clear too...remember that orange booger?
• Ear infections do seem to be a common thing among youngsters with autism - just a trend I've noticed in reading other blogs, books and so on.
  ** Not a medical expert - just a Mom. **
• Slapping himself when angered/not getting enough attention or what he wants or when siblings scream:  the difficulty with this one is I get frustrated pretty easily and I'll admit - while spanking a child is illegal here - I feel like absolute crap for wanting to spank a child who IS screaming the roof off and driving my head into the ground with a pounding headache - but there's absolutely no point because he's already slapping himself harder than adults slap each other.  Anyway, that and I'm trying my hardest to approach my kids temper tantrums with a calmer mindset.  The other issue with that is that if we try to give him something to hold that has texture - to use as a distraction - it doesn't work.  He still slaps himself like crazy with it.  
• I'm sure my neighbours (we haven't met) think we're beating the crap out of him - but I swear we're not.  He's a 1-man show that one!
• Sniffing and touching with his lips:  this sensory test can be your skin, your clothing, new food, food he's used to - anything.
• Escaping: V-Man seems to have the tendency to know how to escape any place.  Whenever he arrives somewhere he immediately scans the room for all the potential exits.  This is a major issue because he does run away - we have to be extremely careful where we visit (i.e. playgrounds and people's homes or BBQ parties) and unfortunately, have kept those to a bare minimum.  We have a fire pit in our yard and haven't used it since moving here nearly three years ago because there's no fenced in area for him to run about.  


• His new thing, is that when he's bored - he grabs his shoes and leaves.  It means he needs a break from us, from the humming of the computer I suppose and just needs a personal time-out.  So Hubster will grab the leash and Loki (who has his own YouTube video by the way) and they all go hiking together and I've noticed when V-Man returns - he's calmer and happier.
• Another new thing is that when he's returning from overnight care - he likes to carry his own backpack (which does have some weight to it!) and he'll even carry his own booster seat (for the taxi) home!  It's about a 15-minutes walk from our home - so I'm thrilled he's interested in helping out!
• He's interested in chores: V-Man enjoys putting the dishes in the dishwasher - it's not perfect but it's the effort that counts!  He likes putting soap in the dishwasher, and in the washing machine (he was being too quiet - that was the first sign...) and "hanging laundry", and cooking!  He tries to stir food and likes to sniff spices. :)
  

I'm curious what other phases or trends he'll go through :).

Anyways, the kids are getting rowdy (V-Man is already out like a light) - so I better sign off and prep for the next video! :)
BIMU

I'm On YouTube!

I'm totally throwing myself out there and putting some home-made videos from my phone whenever I have a quiet moment and made myself a YouTube account.

I've had a YouTube account before where I did craft tutorial videos and while some friends requested I start that up again - I've currently filmed and posted two videos that are closer related to autism.

In my first video - I shared some signs our first child was autistic.
Sorry it's so darn wobbly and don't ask me why it cut off at the end so suddenly - because I have no idea! I was using YouTube Capture app for the first time too.

In the second video - I talk about using PECS and why we use communication boards with A-Man as well.

I'll have a tab up top with each video and the link - I'm still working on how to get that video bar set up so you can watch it from this blog!
Thanks for your patience!
BIMU

Update:  No guarantee it'll be just my videos in the video bar - every time I refreshed the blog - it showed me my videos and some others that might not be deemed appropriate!