Good-Bye 2015

2015 is nearly coming to an end and I have finally sorted out what my resolutions will be for next year!

First of all, let's quickly review last year's resolutions:

1. Don't buy yarn for a whole year.  I allowed myself to buy yarn for someone else as a gift for them to use (which I didn't at all!) and I allowed myself to use a gift card that I had received last Christmas as a gift (that and it had a 6-months expiry date).  I even poked at the yarn devil side of me and went to the yarn store multiple times (often leaving completely empty handed) 
2. Try a new recipe a week.  I was so sick and tired of predictable meals for each day of the week and for repeatedly having the same meal multiple times during the week for the sake of convenience, making everyone eat something and due to our busy schedules.
3. Here's a list of more - turns out I did make a post!

Now, 2016's resolutions are as follows for myself:

1. Only buy yarn for the project I have planned.  I'll try to reduce splurging at sales and when travelling!  Hubster requested I don't make up for 12 months of no yarn-shopping in a span of a couple of days. ;)
1. Only crochet/knit one project at a time.  I'm allowing myself to only start a new project once a previous one has been complete.  I'm going to try and clean up my WIP's (work in progresses) and make more items instead of just hoard a ton of yarn.
2. Try a new recipe a week.  It's fun, it gets the kids involved, different tastes and flavours, spices up our palate - oh and I will be blogging about it by posting links of recipes (and any changes made to our versions) up top in the Recipe Links! tab.
3. Clean more.  Especially now that I'll be a student full time - yeah.  Need to jump on the clean and organize wagon!
4. Be a nicer, more patient/calm parent.  Easier said than done.  I have no problem admitting I have a temper and I am the Momster from Hell sometimes (sometimes too often!).
5. Lose some weight.  I don't own a scale and average from 130 pounds to 147 pounds (58-67 kg).  I'd like to see the lower end of the numbers - not necessarily 130 lbs but I have found myself out of breath lately, lacking energy, not fitting into clothing and I simply cannot afford and cannot justify buying new clothes because I'm getting continuously bigger in the belly/hips area - and no, it's not pregnancy.

So those are my goals along with the basics of overall, trying to be a nice person, help someone else when I can - even simple gestures like holding open a door for a stranger, maintaining my blog and videos regularly and so on!

I hope you have a fantastic new year and a wonderful holiday season!

BIMU

Waiting Room Patients - I Want You To Know A Few Things...

Dear Waiting Room Patients,

I'm a mom.  A parent.  A guardian. A person trying to keep my sanity in check...
I realize that every time I'm in the hospital waiting room with the V-Man - you're probably wondering why I am there and "what's wrong with the boy who's not listening to his mother."
I am there for my sick child that I promised to care for from the moment we found out we were expecting.
I am there for answers because as a non-medical professional myself - I need to figure out what is going in my kid's body that's making him ill and how to quickly yet efficiently fix it.
I am there and internally screaming my head off at all of you who stare, point and whisper at my kid as he is stimming  his little heart out by bouncing, gasping, grasping air with his fists and making garble with his mouth.
I am not the parent to bring their kid in for any little thing and try to tolerate as much as I can at home before I lose my f*cking marbles.  Trust me - if I could wave a wand over him and make him better at home without having to bother the waiting room, the hospital staff and so on - I so would.

But unfortunately for you - I have an autistic child.  What does this mean and why were we there today?

1. V-Man is non-verbal autistic, he's 6 and strong like a freaking bull.  We really do think that may be his "talent"...as opposed to math, art, physics, music...
1. It also means he doesn't listen, he doesn't necessarily have control over his movements, he cannot express to me exactly what he is feeling.  Not even a "I feel sick.  I feel dizzy or my tummy hurts here" - it is a constant guessing game to figure out what is wrong.
2. I despise going to the hospital with him but as it turned out - he was showing some clear signs of an ear infection and guess what? Ear infections are super duper common in autistic kids and by common in at least my own child - I mean he's had them non-stop from the time he was 1.5 years old up until he was 4 - when our doctor finally suggested he got tubes.  Turned out he didn't have one but it might happen soon anyway - but everyone in the waiting room would've known this as V-Man insisted on keeping the door wide open...
1. It was slightly easier from birth to four years old because he was quite content to be in his stroller.  He's now far too big for one.
3.  V-Man hates the hospital, doctors, nurses and anything associated with health care.  Getting his ears checked is never easy - never mind testing CRP levels (that little prick in your finger for a quick blood smear to test for infection levels), x-rays and so on - nah.
4. I'm embarrassed to be there.  Yes, it's for his health and nothing is more important and I would do anything for my kid - which apparently means chasing him away from the automated doors every 4 seconds.  I also realize my kid's antics drove some people nuts and I'm fortunate tonight he didn't go into anyone's bags or try to steal their bottle, bag, food or other interesting item of the day.  
1. I also am the one walking in like a luke-warm cucumber and walking out like a hot mess because any kind of check-up for the V-Man involves a wrestling, pinning and turning my body into a yoga-ninja pretzel just to hold him in place to check his ears.  Then the other side!
2. I also know that I need to just "Let It Go" and ignore those other people because they don't know what a hospital trip is like with the V-Man unless they were in my shoes for the past 6 years.  But still...
5. I almost always have a glass of wine after the hospital visit once the kids are asleep.  Tonight I'm just going to go to bed early.
6. I am the mother on the phone because I was updating concerned friends and texting my husband with as much fury as I could muster (as I do every time I  take the kids to the hospital but mostly only angry when I take V-Man because let's face it - he's the most difficult/most uncomfortable in a hospital kid):
   
   "Big whopping f*ck you right now.  I'm so sick of doing this - you can go here next time with him - I'm done!"

That may come off as harsh but I won't lie about this.  When I'm tired and exhausting myself even more with playing tag/"let's not hit the paramedics moving the elderly on a bed" in a hospital waiting room - I'm not going to be the nicest person in the world but at the same time I'll keep my nasty attitude to just my husband because I know he gets my frustrations and can take it until I calm down.

I am typically the parent that goes to the hospital with the kids because I speak more Finnish than my husband - in case we were to encounter a doctor or nurse that doesn't speak a lot (or any) English and I'm the carrier of info - both mentally and in my wallet.

Anyways, what I was trying to say is that I realize my kid annoyed you by rushing to the automatic doors every 4 seconds and there's a reason for it.

He's not necessarily able to control himself or listen to me and it annoyed me too.

I called out to him multiple times in the hopes he would be interested in his iPad and no.  He wasn't. I offered my phone and no - that wasn't good either.  My keys, wallet, bag and even a package of tissues weren't enticing tonight.

If kids came with little remote controls for urgent situations or preventing mega awkward ones - I'd be the first one ordering one.

I know that today was a minor incident in a a sea of many possibilities - it can always be worse.  I don't think I'm quite apologizing as I am more so explaining my frustration with both my kid not being able to tell me "Hey Mom - I feel like crap - take me to the doctor please" and the awkwardness that can occur in a very public setting - not just the hospital waiting room either!  Restaurants, at the bus stop, waiting in line to pay for groceries or an item...anywhere.

I won't speak for all other parents out there but I'd rather have someone come up to me and ask me nicely, "May I ask what your child has?"
I'd be pleased as punch and whenever someone has asked (maybe twice a stranger has asked in the whole 6.5 years of us living here) and feel better for having explained what autism is and hopefully they're happy having learned something new.

I'm regularly thankful for the Finnish custom of supreme silence but at the same time - if someone were to reach out to me and just simply ask what's up - it could help making the whole "spreading of autism awareness" a little smoother.

BIMU

That "B" Word

No, not a blog post about swearing - although, I confess to swearing far too much and quite often in front of the kids.
Anyways, I meant that other B-word.

Budget.

We've been trying with massive successes in the failure department of trying to save money.
Something always comes up and in retrospect - not many of these things were urgent or necessary.

Not having anything in our savings account actually screwed us over while the Hubster was in the USA attending a conference and he wasn't able to cover his hotel room (which he thought was already paid by the university).  I even made a video about it.

So this was a real eye opener and a quick reminder that we really should start making the savings account grow instead of shrink.

Here's a break down of what we agreed to - of course the numbers are flexible for everyone based on your own income and I'm not going to give you our exact income amounts - it's rather personal and I don't even remember anyway.

We agreed to 150€ a week for groceries.
That means I withdraw 150€ at the beginning of the week and then I leave my bank card at home.

So this is almost the end of week 1 and how do I feel?
Surprisingly I'm not crying or freaking out because I've learned to use this amount for only groceries and so far it's been actually EASY!

So what's the difference between mentally shopping for 150€/ week (which we tried before) and physically shopping with 150€ a week?

• I am shopping first thing in the morning after I drop A-Man off at day-care and as soon as the shop opens.
• This means:
• the shelves are typically well stocked
• there's not many long lines
• I am able to snatch up several good deals on meat that might be expiring in a day or two (typically in Finland it's -30%) and can meal plan in my head with it for that night or the next couple of days.  Or freeze it if I have space.
• I'm kid-free 
• Why does "kid-free" make a difference?  I am not tempted to spend more and no, I don't give in to my kids' demands every time.  There are times that my kids are generally really well behaved and deserve a little treat.
• A-Man makes me hate grocery shopping with his whining, crying for toys and so on.
• Occasionally we have an ice-cream...it's usually under 2€ for the two of us but if I go kid-free - I save 2€.
• V-Man is constantly hungry and he knows the direct route to Subway or Koti Pizza or whatever fast food joint is there.  That costs minimum 10€.
• M-Girl is seriously the easy kid and doesn't demand anything but apples and maybe bananas - which are things we need weekly if not 2-3x a week anyway.
• I meal plan in advance because I'm on this "real" budget.
• Because the Hubster has Crohn's - and we have picky-ass children when it comes to eating - I gave my cookbooks to the Hubster and a pile of post-it sticky note strips and he went through it and left tabs where he found things that I could make that he would be willing to try to eat.
• Actually that was part of my New Year's resolution - try a new recipe every week.  And yes, I've stuck to it in some shape or form! :)
• But I found this an easy way to plan meals and if I am stuck - I have my ever-so-faithful Pinterest to refer to.
• I actually love meal planning but because the V-Man has music therapy twice a week in the evenings - I resort to quick meals that even the Hubster can cook so in case I'm not able to do it - he can.  And seeing as he's not a fan of slow cooked EVERYTHING - having him make fried rice or pasta or Korean spiced beef is just easier.
• I'm not impulsively buying crap.  
• By "crap" I mean junk food, toys, extra baking stuff and the list goes on.
• I'm mentally reminding myself this way that some things that should be treats ARE treats if I only buy them every now and again.
• I'm saying "no" more.  
• "No" to my kids for what they want.
• "No" to outings with friends that may cost me a bit more than I really want to spend.
• "No" to myself - ensuring I stick to our family's budget, get the most for my buck (euro) and that I really need it.
• Don't be too hard on yourself but do try saying "no" every now and again!  Makes a difference! :)

I realize you've probably read several of these "OMG I got to be a stay-at-home mom by doing these things!" and while this is now the beginning of week 2 (I'm a slow blogger - sorry) - I have to say I'm doing well and pleased about it!  And it does work if you shop smart.

How can you shop smart?

• Never go grocery shopping hungry - if you can help it.  I don't know about you - but I instantly become little miss impulsive shopper with a bottomless pit stomach.  Pregnant ladies - I feel your pain of constantly being starving (or on the verge of barfing) and trying to stick to your grocery list.
• Price compare!  Does your grocery store have a coupon system or points system that make it worth your while to shop at their store versus competitors?
• In Finland, there's mainly K or S-market chains.  K-Market give you points that they automatically redeem into coupons that give you 5 or 10€ off your next purchase and are valid for up to a year.
  S-Bonus from the S-shop chains are, I feel - more beneficial as they give you up to a full 5% back every month - depending on how much you spend.  It's an initial 100€ sign up (or you can pay it back as you use it) and I feel I definitely get more than 10€/month back - compared to the K-Market chain coupons.
• Make a list and check it twice!  What's your budget? What are your regular staples that are low the most often?  What are you going to splurge on? What do you need?  What can you go without for the week/month/forever?  What are you meal-planning this week?  Stick to it.
• Inventory - I try to make a mental note of everything I have in my cupboard pantry and the fridge/freezer.  I have a set amount of staples I have to have on hand at all times (i.e. rice, cereal, pasta and sauce etc.) and I try to load up twice a month on those staples.
• Use a shopping basket - this limits how much you can buy space wise and reduces buying wholesale on something you might need!
• Pay in cash.  This sounds cheesy but it works.  Leave the bank cards and credit cards home and pay in cash so you can stick to your budget!

December is a tough month for anyone because yearly bills come in (i.e. insurance) and I owe some taxes this year (because I wasn't deducted enough during my maternity leave), the holiday seasons and the boys birthday party was a couple few weeks ago - the list goes on.

I'll be spending the rest of my December cleaning and piling stuff up to sell soon - not just to make money but just so we have physical space in here!  So that should help - because honestly, if I haven't seen it in 6+ months, haven't used X item(s) at all and don't remember having it - I probably don't need it.

That's the plan anyway.
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Underestimating V-Man

One thing the Hubster and I absolutely love is reading.
Of course with him being a researcher - he does it for a living and I do it more for pleasure and learning new things (usually craft techniques and reading multiple blogs and news sources!).
Hubster also reads for fun FYI...

Anyhow, one thing that the V-Man despises (despised?) was reading.
We buy books every year for a Christmas gift because we really want to encourage reading, imagination, bond with our kids and so on.
He hasn't had any interest whatsoever in books other than to rotate them, open and close the covers and recently?  Shove the corner of the book up his nose.  Everything is getting the deep-space nostril treatment lately!

Anyways, to my surprise - last night we had the music therapy and that didn't go all that great. Mostly because V-Man's time switched due to a prior group cancellation and there was another group singing loudly (and nicely!) in the room next door.  Toss in a screaming kid with the choir (not V-Man) - and he wasn't having it.

So V-Man dragged me to McDonald's for supper and then to the ice-cream parlour and I figured - let's make a date out of this!
Hubster was occupied with A-Man's Christmas party and M-Girl was with them - so it was just me and V-Man and that was cool.
I got a scoop of ice-cream for V-Man and he was ecstatic!  Oh wait, he was more ecstatic about the escalator going up and down and prancing on his toes and squeezing his fists repeatedly while eyeing every single stranger and probably giving them a heart attack.
Anyways, he ended up not having any ice-cream - not because it was too delicious for me to not share but because he apparently just wanted the wafer cookie on top.
Yep.  I didn't even want the ice-cream!  But I ate it anyway.

Anyways, we got home, zipped out with the dogs and began to prep for bed time.  We were already past the 7 pm ritual and had such a wildly different day than normal- so I was pretty casual about the whole thing.
Hubster messaged me in distress asking if we were home yet and advising me to get V-Man to bed asap.

Yeah - no.

What's the point of getting V-Man to sleep when:

A) He wasn't tired.
B) Milo would bark like a crazy dog when everyone else got back home.  Which means - he'd be up anyhow.
C) He was reading.

Yeah - I wrote that.
C) He was reading.

And no, he wasn't reading out loud or else you would've seen a horribly crooked and shaky film of me in full blast water works ("tears") and V-Man screaming in the background to pay attention to him.
Phone screen is still cracked and that's the camera I usually use to film...haven't approached the Hubster to use his to record yet - I don't think he'd mind but ah well!

Let me explain how this came about and why this is a HUGE deal.

First of all, he was ticked as all get out because for the first time in probably 4 years - his blanket cover and his pillow case matched.
That was a no-go apparently so I figured it out after 10 minutes ("But why won't you crawl into your bed at least?! What's wrong?! They're clean sheets!") and he was pleased as punch when I tossed his blanket into my room and gave him my mis-matched blanket to his pillow case.  Alrighty then.

Then I grabbed a book, "The Mixed Up Chameleon" by Eric Carle (affiliate link) and started reading out loud.  It's a fairly new book in our home, as it was buried under a pile of other books - and I had completely forgotten that I bought this ages ago!  Or maybe it was a gift? It probably was! Whoops!

Here's the shocker:  he didn't "ask" (i.e. push the book away, push me away, cover my mouth or scream/cry/leave the room) me to stop reading.

So why is this a HUGE deal?  

1. V-Man typically doesn't care for books other than to:
1. Rotate them and flip them back and forth (and not actually OPEN it).
2. Rip and crumple pages. *shudder*  - I absolutely hate folded and crinkled pages in a book!
3. Pick them up, drop them, throw them...bend them cover to cover (backwards) so the binding breaks.
2. He doesn't like when we read to him - or at least when the Hubster tries.
   And because the Hubster is the one that puts him to sleep 98% of the time - it doesn't really open up an oppourtunity for me to read to him.  And apparently, I'm a crappy mom for not even thinking to try!
1. I suppose I've had so many "#MomFails" with regards to reading out loud with him - and getting in trouble for reading with the younger two (if the kids got too excited or spoke too loudly about the story after - V-Man had a fit!)
3. I asked him to put it away and if he wanted - he could get another one.  I held my breath.  After I repeated it again - he did it.  I nearly wet myself.

It should be noted that most books that I want the kids to cherish forever (typically classics or by Canadian authors or my favourite authors or have real paper pages and not stiff cardboard pages) - are way up high on a shelf.  By "way up high" - I mean nearly touching the ceiling.

So now, our goal is to try to introduce these board books (as they're the most interesting and sturdy) back into the V-Man's daily routine and hope for the best.

I have apparently underestimated my child's interest for reading and disregarded it as "not his thing" because of multiple fails before.

May this serve as a kind reminder to just try it again every now and again. :)
BIMU

Disappointed

I forgot I wrote this - as usual.

"3 days ago..."
It's 1am and I'm typing this on a cracked iPhone 4S screen.
So cracked that it looks like I stuck it in a Fast and Furious car crash scene (pick one) and it now has a few constellation patterns of its own. I can't swipe the darn thing so much or else itty little pieces of glass gets in my skin.
Seeing as my hands are drier than sand- and cracking themselves up-not a pretty sight. And of course-the kids can't use it.

Try not to laugh when I say, when I watch a movie- I really get into it. When alone or with just Hubster- I'll make sarcastic comments under my breath, curse a storm, roll my eyes and so on.
Then the other side of me gets too into the movie and I cry a lot. I cry at the memories characters had about each other, I always cry when an animal or elderly person dies...sweet sayings and in general? I'm a hot mess wen it comes to chick flicks.

I scrolled through Netflix and couldn't find anything I wanted to watch.
Last night I saw Mockingjay Part 1 finally (my own copy) and am excited to see part 2 because I wasn't too keen on the first.
Tomorrow the Hubster is back and then we can continue watching our shows together. (Currently on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt-yeah I can't believe he's watching it either!) Out of common courtesy, I don't watch episodes while he's away and vice versa because then there's so much to catch up on.

So I tried to watch "The Best of Me"- a movie based on a Nicholas Sparks novel-which I haven't read yet.
I'm typically pro "book over movie" but seeing as I don't have the book and don't recall reading it- I went with the movie first.
I needed something sappy and sad to watch and my goal was to let out a wave of tears that could go on as long as possible.

I needed a good cry.

My husband doesn't get this at all. Every now and again, when I am overwhelmed to the max- I need to cry it all out. I don't mean "sob, sob blow my nose-done!"
I mean sob like I'm at a funeral and my neighbours are wondering wtf is going on in that chick's apartment!
I didn't want to cover it up with ice cream or chips (I refused to buy some today!).
I wanted to let out all my stress and awful days with the kids out.
One big sob fest for this mama.

But it didn't happen. I teared up a little here and there. My sob fest turned into deep annoyance with Nicholas Sparks and the producers of the movie because I didn't like how it ended.
I actually love when the happily ever occurs in a movie! As long as it's not mega cheesy.
But it didn't happen to my satisfaction and I still had this dam waiting to burst.

So I cruised through Netflix again -to see if there was something non-commital available.
I saw "Grey's Anatomy" and I recall watching it religiously with a friend every week while we knitted in Canada and I remembered sobbing like a crazy lady at that episode where Denny dies.
Yeah - that one where Izzie is in a pink dress with beautiful waves in her up-do like Rapunzel.
Season 3 minus an episode - aka season 2 finale...aka season where that Denny guy dies.
I never did continue the series - life just got busy!

Well, guess what the heck happened instead?
I curled up and watched it and was a sobbing mess when Derek and Meredith (and side chick Addison) went to see the vet to put their dog to sleep.
That's when I was an emotional mess.  I sobbed, I cried and the music did me in and I was lying on the sofa with Milo freaking out and having flashbacks of when I had to get Blue put to sleep.
Not a pretty picture.

But did Milo judge me?

Nope.  He totally didn't give a rat's bum what I was doing.

Which is kind of better than the sappy eyed look and the paw on my shoulder I would've gotten if Blue was still alive to witness my sob-fest.  Then the forced "pet me, love me" head thrusts into my palm...oh I miss him.

Personally, I was just thrilled to let it ALL out!  And without Hubster around to freak and ask what he did wrong or what was I watching/reading on Facebook/online to get me to cry "that much".

I genuinely don't remember the point of this post - I was half asleep when I started it and funny enough, half asleep while I finish this!

Other than to express how disappointed I was in the ending of "Best of Me" and how I didn't shed a single tear over Denny dying - but I recall sobbing like there was no end in sight with my friend K in Canada...that was well over 7 years ago though... STILL - I started this post and may as well post it right?

Zzzz
BIMU

Quick Hello

I'll be the first to admit that the best thing about my husband travelling abroad for work is that I get to cook and eat whatever I want without having to worry about his Crohn's disease depicting our menu or his complaining and nagging (it's rare trust me) about the flat smelling like fish or garlic.

I am kindly reminded every time he goes away how tough it is to be a single parent.
I regularly write in my blog about how all the single parents in the world need a freaking high five multiplied by a million.
I also regularly feel like killing my husband during these times because something either in or out of his control occurs to f*ck up his travel plans (see video here - "My Husband Sucks At Travelling"), I'm usually sicker than a pack of dogs with a horrendous flu (so far so good *KNOCK ON WOOD*), one of the kids has to go to the hospital (again, *knock on wood*) or some other crazy stuff occurs.

Thankfully, there were some cancellations for overnight care so we lucked out and he has a spot there again tomorrow straight until Hubster gets back home.
And he just came home today from overnight care and I'm already debating on how long I can hide in the bathroom (door locked obviously) and devour some ice-cream.

I treated myself to a shower today (i.e. something longer than 2½ minutes) and my nostrils are burning from the stench of V-Man's perma-poo smell.
I've managed to jam A-Man's fingers in the storage locker (read: heavy metal cellar door) while closing it quickly, as I was running late to get the V-Man, and A-Man thought it would be wise to shove his fingers between the hinges.
His screams got Milo barking upstairs, M-Girl screaming - everyone screaming or howling in some fashion.  (Except me of course - that'd be so 4 years old.)

But I'm surviving and I'm being braver with asking for help from friends.  Because if I don't ask for help (stupid me for taking M-Girl and A-Man out of daycare thinking it'd be easier) - I get overwhelmed by the screaming, the crying, the fists flying and the self-abusing V-Man.
I can't count to 10 silently in my head and take a deep breath.  Wish I could but when it's the heat of the moment - I'm just not able to.
Kudos to those who can back away from a stressful, screaming situation and just pause and reflect.

Currently, I busted A-Man for jumping off the sofa and landing hard on his arse on a bag of yarn.
He thought it was funny - and he continuously thinks it's funny until he gets hurt of course.
He started crying and of course set M-Girl and V-Man had his hand up and ready to slap his face if A-Man didn't stop immediately.

Anyways, I'll be "Staying Alive" and trying not to freak as V-Man rubs my boobs (like I can't tell what he's trying to do or FEEL IT), kids drown themselves in movies for the night and wait for my friend to come over so I can walk the dogs for longer than 15 minutes.
I can't walk the dogs for long or at all with V-Man at home alone because he will seek and destroy things, open the door and so on.  The only way to keep him inside is by double-locking the doors from the outside or chaining it.
And with him and A-Man always fighting - better to have a friend over for supper instead - so much easier.

Your friendly neighbourhood part-time Momster and full-time "No" broken record,
BIMU

PS Tonight is going to be a Ben & Jerry's night once they're all asleep.  Wish me luck.

"An Experience"

We were recently invited to a birthday party of a friend's daughter's - who was turning the big 0-5 and I wanted to be sure of what kind of gift to give.
Last year we gave some pretty awesome pajamas and a Dr. Seuss book and maybe even a quickly sewn blanket to go with (I can't remember).
This year because she's 5 and she probably knows what she wants compared to her younger toddler years - I figured it'd be best to find out what she wanted or more importantly, NEEDED and go with it.

This year, I asked what we could get the birthday girl "E".  E's mom said that they would prefer less on the materialistic side because they want to raise their child with more experiences instead.  And also they only had so much space for more toys - fair enough!

I loved the idea and instantly thought one of the following:

• Movie tickets
• Restaurant gift card
• Hop Lop (indoor play arena) gift card

I had to clarify after a day of thinking what she meant by "experiences".

She kindly explained that it didn't have to be expensive.  It could be an experience of something they could do as a family or with another family.

Fair enough.  Now I had to re-think things and be mindful of our own budget too.

These were the things I thought of:

• Little indoor garden kit - herb garden or beans or something... (boring)
• Nail polish (I'm sure the father would love this..ha.) (messy)
• Cooking or baking utensils - but they probably have a lot already...
• Hiking with us - but they're probably going to do that at some point anyhow - so not very "special" in terms of birthday-ness.
• Handicraft kit - but if the parents don't know how to do it - sure they could learn online or ask questions - it might just be more frustrating for everyone involved.

So as I was cruising through Pinterest (part of my bed time routine - some people wear face masks - I use Pinterest!) - I came across cookie mix in a jar.

So simple and I had 99% of the ingredients at home.

I just needed a jar, some sort of ribbon and a birthday card to write the ingredients and instructions.

BOOM DONE.

I can't find the recipe I used but it was some sort of M&M cookie mix! I figure they're more or less the same depending on how sweet you like your cookies!
That's 2 cups of flour on the bottom - at least I can remember that!

So if you don't know how one of these puppies work it's fairly simple (and obviously you should buy a better sized jar than I did - or fill that up with small cookie cutters or something).

You layer the dry ingredients (flour, baking soda or powder, sugar(s), cocoa powder and candies) in a neat and tight fashion (press down especially if you need the space!) and then put a lid on top.

You can get all fancy pants with it and use a Sharpie, stickers or labels or nice ribbons to decorate it and usually there's a tag involved (I was already over an hour late for this party) - with the instructions.  You can stick the label on the outside of the jar or inside or in a card or on your forehead - I'm sure it'd be greatly appreciated ;) .

Usually an egg or milk or butter is involved and of course the baking instructions!

And guess what?  You don't have to make cookie mix.

You can make brownie mix, bread mix, hot chocolate mixes...the possibilities are endless!

Just be sure to put only the dry ingredients in the jar eh? :)

Here's some fabulous ideas from Pinterest!
Just look up "Mason Jar cookie mixes" or recipes or "brownies/bread" whatever you want mixes :D

These would make great gifts for any season or event and excellent party favours (you can find smaller batched recipes for smaller sized jars online too).

Cheers,
BIMU

PS I don't remember the measurements but here's what I put in that jar:

• 2 Cups of flour
• 2 tsp of baking soda (or maybe it was only 1 - like I said - don't quote me on this!)
• 3/4 Cup of brown sugar
• 1/4 Cup of white sugar
• A good shaking of hot chocolate powder mix :D
• 1 bag of M&M-like chocolate candies
  
  Then I scribbled instructions on her birthday card.

Things V-Man Does - That He Probably Shouldn't.

Here's a list off the top of  my head of things that the V-Man does (or did) that is generally not accepted by society for a neuro-typical child.

I'm okay with some of it honestly because he is very touch-sensitive with his lips and smelling things is quite important to him.
And oh right - he has that side-kick autism to give him a hand.

• Shoving things up his nose - actually no, I'm not too okay with this one - as it caused swelling in his nose and we accused A-Man of breaking it with the Hulk toy.
• His recent attempt was a piece of gum he chewed.  Caught that one though - before it entered Nostril - The Black Hole.
• Now - our fingers or his - whichever goes!
• Jump.  He jumps a lot - he's starting to find other things to do - but jumping for him is an expression of his own happiness.  Who am I to say no to that?  Unless it's going to hurt him or endanger someone else of course...
• Eat with his hands - hello sensory overload.  Hello life skills!  Cave men started out that way and I'm cool with the V-Man touching his food so he feels comfortable enough to eat it.
• Sniff his food.
• Touch food to his lips but doesn't eat it for a few minutes.
• Put his pizza toppings down on a table (we aim for a plate) and then eats it.  Why?  No idea why he does it but guess what?  A table can be wiped - so I've learned to get over it.
• Kick his shoes off when eating in public - maybe his feet are too hot.  Maybe he wants more toe wiggling space.  Maybe he wants to be comfortable eating and wearing shoes weighs him down.  I have no idea - but he doesn't fight when it comes to putting them back on - so that's cool.
• But now he undresses - at least his snow suit when eating at Subway...
• Wipe his hands on his head - no idea why he does this.  Maybe he just doesn't get what napkins are for.
• Grope tatas/boobs/breasts - we're trying to get him to quit this one as it's highly annoying to me and probably quite offensive to others.
• Rummaging through strangers' bags - another one we're trying to work on.  And it truly freaks people out whenever this happens - especially if it's a Finnish person because they're quite reserved and private...and there's my 6-year old checking what groceries they bought.
• He did this to a young man of maybe 18 and he was mega awkward and just walked backwards a bit...which of course the V-Man took as a "I'mma gonna stalk you challenge"....then the bus came and the guy ran away.
• Strip.  Without fail - every birthday involves at least one of my children stripping.  Don't ask me why - as I have no frickin' clue.  But typically it's when the V-Man wants to wear pajamas - he'll strip.  Or when he needs a diaper change.
• Yes - we've played the "find his dirty diaper" game before.  Yuck is correct.
• Stealing food.  By "stealing" - I mean taking food from other people's plates at parties, overloading his own tummy at parties or just flat out taking food he didn't ask for.  How in the world he's not ill on the regular - I don't know.
• Not nap.  Trust me - I'd love it if he still napped but he stopped around 3 years old and shows no interest in napping at day-care/school or overnight care and definitely not at home.  This leads to an earlier bed time and a more solid night of sleep!

I'm sure I'm missing a lot of things but again, off the top of my head and for the sake of getting this blog post out there - these are some things!
:)
BIMU

Happy Birthday V-Man

Dearest V-Man,

You're 6 years old and I cannot believe it. 3:23am 6 years ago was one of the most biggest reliefs ever!  We didn't know your gender and we didn't care.  You were our first and a surprise!
I truly remember most details of my whole pregnancy with you and of course, our move from Canada to Finland.
I remember all those times you felt the need to play peek-a-boo instead of being born already.  (There was a lot of swearing and threats in my delivery room that night.)
I try to forget and I mostly have forgotten what it was like before your diagnosis - because all I remember was a lot of tears and screaming from both of us.
I've calculated that we've changed approximately 3650 dirty diapers (assuming 10 a day or more- seriously) - but we're still alive.
Enough of this negative junk...

These past three years - you have surpassed our expectations in so many little things that they heavily outweigh those first two years of your toddler-hood scream fest.
Your smile and infectious giggle lights up our world - you don't even know how happy it makes us. It is impossible to not follow suit after seeing how happy you are.
Your eagerness to help out with the dishes or the laundry - and yes, it quite often means half a bottle of soap is gone - but the thing is you tried.  Or when we can't find piles of folded clean laundry because you took it upon yourself to shove it all into your dresser drawers.  Even though the clothes weren't yours.
The way your face lights up when you figure something out is also precious.  I cherish these the most because it teaches you SO many things like cause and effect, basic life skills and fun.
Even though you put a pore strip package into the Xbox One and we had to buy a new one because it totally broke the machine...
Your ability to trust someone is so grand and I truly hope that nobody will break your heart and lose your trust because yours is overflowing and special.

For someone with quite a diagnosis- you have taught us lots of things.
Here's a list of some of them.

• Be silly - always.  No need to be serious ALL THE TIME.
• Think outside the box.  Find different ways to communicate, to express, to play and to love.
• Laugh.  Laugh because you can and because you want to and don't care what others are thinking.  Even when it seems like you're laughing at nothing.
• Just try.  There are so many times I have thought and accused you of pushing your boundaries and really - you were just trying to learn something new.  Once I realized this and thought outside the box and in line with your thinking (so it may be) - it got super interesting watching you do what you do.
• Equality & fairness.  Everyone in your eyes gets fair and equal treatment.  Us, your siblings, the dogs, the neighbours, the bus driver, the strangers that stare, the kinder strangers who smile your way.  It says a lot that you see everyone as equal.  A grand lesson many could learn from.
• Express yourself.  It might not look or sound lovely when you're upset.  But you express yourself the only ways you know how and can cope with.  Something I tend to bottle up inside are my emotions but you toss them at us freely and in the rawest form.
  Thank you.

We look forward to what you come up with next and we want you to know that we appreciate and love you for who you are and as you are.

XOXO
BIMU

Meet Milo

I don't know if I believe in ghosts or religion or anything like that to be honest - but I totally believe in signs.

A few nights ago I had a sweet dream of lying in bed with Blue (who has since passed away 2 months ago) and I asked if it was okay if we got another dog because Loki is so darn lonely.
He nodded, took a deep breath and put his front leg on my arm and we snuggled tight and I woke up - yep you guessed it - a sobbing mess.

I took it as a sign that things will be okay and I didn't feel so bad about adopting another dog.

I know we didn't plan on having a second dog - so I had already sold a bunch of Blue's stuff already - thinking we truly wouldn't get another.
Loki as a solo dog is fantastic!  He doesn't bark, he's easy to walk, he responds well to clicker training - so why bother getting another?

Because Loki is pretty depressed.  He doesn't howl or bark when he's alone - and we tried putting calming music videos for him while we were away.  But still - as soon as he saw we were leaving without him - he'd sulk away.  And whenever we came home - we were nearly tackled with his 35 kg body.

It was time to look for another one.

I know there are several dogs being flown into Finland from countries that cannot care for them due to overpopulation - i.e. Spain, Cyprus etc. - but they were quite expensive.
Of course it covered sterilization, vaccines and their flight ticket (almost 500€) but I couldn't justify paying that much for a dog - regardless of its breed or sad story.  Trust me - I'm a sucker for sad stories!

After some time - I found Milo.  A Karelian Bear Dog mix with a striking looking face and he was wearing a scarf in his photo - I mean, who can't resist a dog in accessories?!  Well, my husband for one can - but anyway.  Even HE was impressed by the scarf!

Anyway, after bouncing the idea around and finding out we had to wait for another family - who were ahead of us - we got confirmation last Sunday that we'd be getting him and my lovely neighbour and I zipped out there with Loki in tow.

The first meeting was a bit awkward as I didn't know he would be SO protective of his home and lunge at me.
I was trying to remain calm and not break a sweat or have him smell fear.  I've never been bitten or attacked by a dog - and I certainly didn't want to experience it any time soon.
After I passed his sniff test - I was allowed in his home and we decided that since we drove 3 hours to see him - we may as well adopt him and bring him back home.

He barked the whole way home and managed to get into the front seat during the last forty-five minutes of the trip.

I know not everyone thinks it's a great idea getting another dog - it's obviously not the smartest idea I've had in the world.
Milo has issues we need to work on and we'll be working with a trainer next week to try and smooth out the few bumps he has in his behaviour. :)  Like barking, being extremely protective of me during our night walks, separation anxiety and stealing food...
But as you can see in the photo - Loki is pretty darn happy and so is Milo - and that's what matters.

It's been 6 days and Milo has experienced a lot of firsts in such a short time!
Like being off leash in the woods, going to a dog park, living with another dog, travelling by bus and learning clicker training.
Something really special is that when V-Man first met Milo - he immediately went over to pet him and that was that.  Milo immediately sniffed the air and around V-Man and noticed something different and doesn't mind V-Man's erratic moves - which can be quite unpredictable!

"With love and patience, nothing is impossible." - Daisaku Ikeda
BIMU

PS You can meet Milo here on YouTube!

#Seeamazing

Sorry it's been awhile - you know how it is!
I'm finally done my Finnish language course and exams and am eagerly awaiting to find out if I got a cooking school position in the new year.

Some big changes have happened to my blog lately - well, more so my Facebook page and I'm still in shock.

I don't know if you heard - but Sesame Street is rolling out an autism awareness initiative program and I think it's a fantastic idea!
I've already seen the first music video, "The Amazing Song" - and I was so touched and amazed with it - I sobbed my eyes out.
It was AMAZING because I saw kids in that video that looked just like my V-Man.  Kids that screamed and cried, communicated not with their voice but with a tablet or pictures....kids that also smiled and were amazed by the simplest of things.
Poor Hubster didn't know what to do with my overflow of emotions (or why I was THAT ecstatic) - he just hid in the bathroom.
Then I filmed a video right away - while I could express exactly how I was feeling in that specific moment.  I had already filmed a video and honestly, couldn't even tell you what it was about - I was such a sobby-happy mess.  (I guess "sobby" isn't a word - but you know what I mean!)

So this video went viral I guess - of me blubbering and crying and thanking not only Sesame Street - but "Autism Daddy" for helping with their project too and I really didn't think Autism Daddy/Frank from Sesame Street - would ever see my video.
I was floored and beyond starstruck when I got a mention from his Facebook page, a few hundred new followers and he commented on my video personally - that yes, he did see it and was happy I liked it and that I made him cry too.
*Cue the water works* and my husband wondering if someone died.
Yep - that's me - a crying machine.

Anyway, I'm still in shock and I wanted to address all of this in a blog post (before I pick up my dog - Milo!).

A friend shared the Sesame Street autism awareness program on her Facebook and wished her daughters were still into SS.  I said I think it's worth getting them to watch it because it's an excellent way of educating neurotypical children about what autism is.
If my V-Man didn't have autism - I'd still watch the whole thing and get my kids to watch it too. Here's why:

1. It shows what autism is in a positive manner.  That's not to say that autism is so incredibly awesome and everyday is perfect - but that autism isn't the WORST possible thing in the world.
2. It shows what autism is in a safe environment.  There are some autistic children who react to meeting new people in a negative or violent/aggressive way - or heck - they're having a crap-ass day too.  So being able to show this to a child in an environment that's determined by you, the parent, makes it possible.
1. This would also be awesome to watch in schools/day-cares.
3. Maybe you don't know anyone with autistic kids to try and meet up and have a play-date with.  That's certainly true for where we live.  We know two - one is 13 with verbal capabilities and the other is 4 with semi-verbal capability.
1. Maybe your child is recently diagnosed and currently you're lost and confused as to how best to help your child.
4. It doesn't hurt to educate your child that there are children/people in the world different from them. Not everyone can speak, hear, see or walk on both legs.  

I was a wee bit embarrassed to post a sobbing video of myself - but I'm glad to report that the response has been positive and a lot of people felt the same way too.

And the best thing that came out of it - was being able to connect with SO many families in the same boat as me and having this new community to be part of - no matter where we live.

So thank you so much for making my week.  

I appreciate each and every one of you reaching out to me - it means the world to me! :)
xo BIMU

A Side of Autism: Time For a Reality Check (and Music Therapy!)

So if you didn't know - I've been filming YouTube videos lately mostly "vlogging" (video blogging) my experience (thus far) as a mother of 3 kids and 1 having autism and another with SLI.
I will be filming about other topics soon - but so far - the things that have come up most frequently in my life lately - has been V-Man's autism!
That and a friend has asked me a list of questions - so I thought it'd be cool to try and make short less than 10-minutes videos about those various topics!

He's currently at overnight care and I took a short 39-seconds long video of what a V-Man melt-down is like (then added some of my own vlogging in there).
So please, turn down the volume PRIOR to watching it or don't watch it at work because your co-worker is probably wondering why you're watching such a sad and torturous video!
As you can see in it, he's screaming, yelling and slapping/pinching himself.
He was actually quite easy on himself to be honest!!  Normally it's a straight 5-minutes (or more) of slapping his own face.  He was just done with music therapy and wanted to leave and he couldn't figure out how to open the door.

A few weeks ago, I was approached by a Master's student inquiring if I'd be interested in having the V-Man try out some music therapy.
I warned the Master's Student (MS) that V-Man is non-verbal, I'm not sure how he'd react or if he'd even sit in one spot for 30-45 minutes...and I stressed that I was worried it'd be a waste of time for him.
MS said it was fine because he wanted to study children of a particular age and with both a disability and without.  The key thing for HIM is that the kids understood English to some degree - as the instructions and songs would be in English.

The first meeting was a brief intro and once V-Man discovered the CD-player - he was done with learning about instruments or singing songs.
I'm happy to say that the second meeting (it's twice a week until almost Christmas) was more successful on my end because he was familiar with the bus stop compared to the first meeting - where he kicked and screamed and I had to drag/carry him to the building.  So that made it easier.
He even touched the drums with his feet (which we had to nip in the bud because he wanted to stand on them) and then with his hands nicely.

WAHOO!

Then I started filming during the good-bye song because V-Man was having a melt-down and was just simply done with it all.

I have been debating internally with myself on whether or not I should post this video but then I thought, "Why not?"

Here's my reasoning, before you think I'm a crazy parent:

• I didn't start the tantrum/melt-down.  I didn't want to - but I did want to show my friends and family and also others - what it's really like for us to have an autistic child cry.  
• The oppourtunity to share a snippet of his actions was enough for me and I believe, enough for your own ears too.  
• Just imagine hours of this on and off throughout a day...
• That I really don't beat my kid and that those slaps and pinches are truly self-inflicted.  Not that I think nobody believes me - but also if you see another child with a disability - perhaps they really did do it to themselves.  Here's my proof that my kid does it to himself at least.
• That not all autistic children react the same.  The spectrum is huge and the big league scientists are constantly trying to figure out what an autistic person feels/thinks like.
• I wouldn't put all of the autistic kids I know in one group and say they're the same because they're not.
• It is in NO WAY a "shaming" video because that is simply not my intent whatsoever.  It's my only way to share what he's truly like when having a melt-down.  Other than have him visit you and have one in front of you.
• I have no reason and no urge to embarrass my children so publicly on a platform like a blog or YouTube - especially since I would never want the same to happen to me.  So please keep an open mind when watching the video.

I cannot soothe him properly in this video because I am filming (and with limited memory space on my phone) and trying to calm him down with my voice and with one hand.  Normally we take both of his hands and stroke our face or hair and try to remove him from the uncomfortable situation.

I truly am terrified that some day he'll yank my hair out - but for now will keep my fingers crossed.

We've TRIED giving him something to hold in his hand (something I forgot to mention in the video) and he ended up beating himself with whatever the item might be.

• Plush toy
• Dinky car
• Jingly keys (yes that hurt a lot)
• Food (pretty messy and apples are also painful)

So I know the video might be painful to watch but I hope you're able to see what it's like on my side of being a mom of an autistic kid with super strength and I hope this video somehow, raises autism awareness.

I was initially inspired by this article in the Huffington Post to share a snippet of my son's life on YouTube.

Thanks so much for reading my blog, following me/subscribing and so on - and for tolerating my 4-hours of sleep last night/super tired tears (but hey! class finals are finally done!)!!
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Phases

I went to a parent/teacher/therapist meeting today and it was awesome.
It was long (about 2 hours) but it was well worth it because I learned a lot of things about the V-Man's newer habits at school.
In Finland, children start the year they turn 7 years old but because V-Man is diagnosed with autism - he gets to start a year early - with the aims of graduating at the same time as his peers of the same age, who would start at 7.

Out of nowhere and near the end of the meeting, I had a light bulb moment.  A real "OMG I totally forgot he did that moment!"
So I thought it'd be cool to make a quick video of some of his more memorable phases and list here in this blog - as many of the phases he's gone through since being born.
Of course they might not apply to all children - autistic or not - but I found it really interesting!
My goal is to keep my videos 10 minutes long or less - hence this longer blog post! :)

• From birth to almost 1 year old:  V-Man absolutely could not be tolerated being held by the Hubster or anyone but me.  Unless he was nearly asleep, I had no freedom.  He didn't take a soother or a bottle ever.  Boob juice all the way.
• Physical contact was hard for V-Man.  He didn't care for anyone touching him, holding his hand or being held in someone else's lap.
• Now, he quite enjoys being cuddled a bit - on his own terms - and will grab random strangers hands.  Or bums.  That's awkward on the bus...
• He was potty trained (both #1 and #2) between 6-months old and 9-months.  Then he had an abscess on his rear end and absolutely refused to sit on a potty.  There went that out the window.
• He has been obsessed since he was 1.5 years  old with rubbing breasts and chests.  I truly think it's just a cause and effect reaction for him.  Not only the cause and effect of someone telling him "No - don't do that" after rubbing someone's chest but also the skin to t-shirt contact.  The fact that if you rub a nipple (let's just be blunt here) the skin gets hard.  But it's harder for him to get the same physical reaction from a woman because they're usually wearing bras.  
• Watching Disney Cars DVD - we're on our third copy.  
• Dear Disney, thanks to you changing the cover of the DVD - V-Man refuses to watch it now.  Despite the fact that nothing else changed otherwise.
• Watching Shrek 1-4 - he loves them all. But I think the first three films are his favourite.
• Biting/Chewing clothing and people - either his clothing or us - we ended this by buying him a really soft bunny on a string with a strong clip to attach to his coat/shirt.  Whenever he threatened to bite - we just popped that bunny in his mouth and he chomped hard on that instead.
• Grinding his teeth was my "OMG" moment this morning during our meeting and I just realized that he hadn't ground his teeth in ages!!!  He is a loud and hard grinder and his front tooth is actually chipped from grinding his teeth.  The dentist said there's nothing we can do but get him to use a mouth guard (yeah - that's not happening!) and hopefully he grows out of this phase before his adult teeth settle in!
• Poor diet: He could tell the difference between Chiquita and Dole or store-branded bananas.  He only ate bananas, yoghurt, bread, French fries, crackers and certain kind of burgers from a local chain.  That was the extent of his protein/meat intake.  Once we got him into a wonderful specialized day-care - he learned how to taste new foods and become a toddler/child with a teenager x5-sized appetite!
• Still doesn't like blood tests, needles, doctors or nurses.  He had a rough first blood test when he was younger and it was something out of a nightmare - blood squirting everywhere and 3 nurses plus myself holding down a 2-year old little boy.
• Jumping - enough said.
• Dropping breakfast on our face - to wake us up he'd bring either: bread, bunch of bananas, butter or an empty glass if he was thirsty and because our bed was against the wall - 1 parent got un-lucky with the V-Man alarm clock.
• Running away/wearing a safety harness - Here's the original blog post and a video to go with it.  

  

  2014

• Climbing - he still does.  He can get on wall radiators and arrange furniture just right for his climbing needs.  So far - no broken bones. *KNOCK ON WOOD*
• Not sleeping - this phase has passed I think - thanks to the wonders of Melatonin (an over the counter sleeping aid).  And he even sleeps in his own bed which just took persistence and ensuring A-Man went to sleep after V-Man did so it was nearly silent.



He did this on his own. 5-years old

• Ear Infections were an issue from 1.5-years to recently.  Thanks to tubes surgery - he is able to sleep better.  Oh and probably because his nose is clear too...remember that orange booger?
• Ear infections do seem to be a common thing among youngsters with autism - just a trend I've noticed in reading other blogs, books and so on.
  ** Not a medical expert - just a Mom. **
• Slapping himself when angered/not getting enough attention or what he wants or when siblings scream:  the difficulty with this one is I get frustrated pretty easily and I'll admit - while spanking a child is illegal here - I feel like absolute crap for wanting to spank a child who IS screaming the roof off and driving my head into the ground with a pounding headache - but there's absolutely no point because he's already slapping himself harder than adults slap each other.  Anyway, that and I'm trying my hardest to approach my kids temper tantrums with a calmer mindset.  The other issue with that is that if we try to give him something to hold that has texture - to use as a distraction - it doesn't work.  He still slaps himself like crazy with it.  
• I'm sure my neighbours (we haven't met) think we're beating the crap out of him - but I swear we're not.  He's a 1-man show that one!
• Sniffing and touching with his lips:  this sensory test can be your skin, your clothing, new food, food he's used to - anything.
• Escaping: V-Man seems to have the tendency to know how to escape any place.  Whenever he arrives somewhere he immediately scans the room for all the potential exits.  This is a major issue because he does run away - we have to be extremely careful where we visit (i.e. playgrounds and people's homes or BBQ parties) and unfortunately, have kept those to a bare minimum.  We have a fire pit in our yard and haven't used it since moving here nearly three years ago because there's no fenced in area for him to run about.  


• His new thing, is that when he's bored - he grabs his shoes and leaves.  It means he needs a break from us, from the humming of the computer I suppose and just needs a personal time-out.  So Hubster will grab the leash and Loki (who has his own YouTube video by the way) and they all go hiking together and I've noticed when V-Man returns - he's calmer and happier.
• Another new thing is that when he's returning from overnight care - he likes to carry his own backpack (which does have some weight to it!) and he'll even carry his own booster seat (for the taxi) home!  It's about a 15-minutes walk from our home - so I'm thrilled he's interested in helping out!
• He's interested in chores: V-Man enjoys putting the dishes in the dishwasher - it's not perfect but it's the effort that counts!  He likes putting soap in the dishwasher, and in the washing machine (he was being too quiet - that was the first sign...) and "hanging laundry", and cooking!  He tries to stir food and likes to sniff spices. :)
  

I'm curious what other phases or trends he'll go through :).

Anyways, the kids are getting rowdy (V-Man is already out like a light) - so I better sign off and prep for the next video! :)
BIMU

I'm On YouTube!

I'm totally throwing myself out there and putting some home-made videos from my phone whenever I have a quiet moment and made myself a YouTube account.

I've had a YouTube account before where I did craft tutorial videos and while some friends requested I start that up again - I've currently filmed and posted two videos that are closer related to autism.

In my first video - I shared some signs our first child was autistic.
Sorry it's so darn wobbly and don't ask me why it cut off at the end so suddenly - because I have no idea! I was using YouTube Capture app for the first time too.

In the second video - I talk about using PECS and why we use communication boards with A-Man as well.

I'll have a tab up top with each video and the link - I'm still working on how to get that video bar set up so you can watch it from this blog!
Thanks for your patience!
BIMU

Update:  No guarantee it'll be just my videos in the video bar - every time I refreshed the blog - it showed me my videos and some others that might not be deemed appropriate!

"Well It's Not Autism!"

I ranted and rambled a lot in my previous post (it happens when I'm tired!) and if you stuck around long enough to read the whole thing - KUDOS TO YOU.
Thanks so much for all of your wonderful comments, thumbs up of support, sharing of my blog and for just being awesome.
It's not easy to be fairly raw in my feelings - but apparently being tired and waiting for my kids to fall asleep certainly help with that.

ANYWAY, I have some pretty friggin' awesome news.

We had been waiting for over a year for A-Man to get tested for autism (or something) because last year was a nightmare with him.
I get it - he was in the terrible 2's and quickly obtaining a black belt in terrorist 3's (as I lovingly call it) and we were so sure he had some level of autism. Or Asperger's.  Or somethingism because there's no way a neurotypical kid can have such a massive temper tantrum over this and that and everything in between.  And I mean really stupid petty crap!

So a bit about the A-Man:

He's almost 4 and mouthy, and has an attitude galore.

He's also funny, caring and sneaky and clever.

He can speak a bit, he's potty trained and is full of energy.

He's athletic, brave and crafty.

The reasons why we got him checked out were:

• He couldn't seem to get ready when we asked him to and got easily distracted.
• I'm talking about giving him 30-45 minutes warning and continuously reminding him to get dressed every 5-10 minutes.
• Very defiant and he's a screamer.
• We thought he might have ODD (opposite defiance disorder).
• Got seriously upset if we broke routine - like moving away from the bus and he wanted to wave good-bye to it.
• He was held back in his last day-care because he couldn't really speak a lot and the older group didn't have enough staff to handle him.
• The staff in the youngest day-care group (where he was for 2 years and was the oldest child) - believe that his language may have been delayed as well because he was the oldest child the second time round.
• His eating habits were nearly identical of his older brother, V-Man.  Yoghurt, crackers and bread or bananas but no other fruit, no meat and no vegetables.  Plain rice or plain pasta was okay.  No meat or fish.
• But daycare food is great and awesome and he ate 3 portions at his last one and now at the new place, is willing to try new things on bread.  Just like V-Man did.

Well, we had those tests done where he met with an occupational therapist, a school specialist and a speech therapist and a doctor at the end - and they've finally come up with a diagnosis.

"Well, it's not autism!  We believe A-Man has SLI.  SLI means Specific Language Impairment."

The most beautiful sound other than a freshly born newborn crying - rang in my ears.

It's not autism.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Now, before you jump down my throat bitching me out that:

• "Autistic kids are a blessing."
• "Autistic kids tend to be mega smart and have memories like elephants and can recite anything and everything" - I have yet to see that with the V-Man.  So I'm not expecting my kid to go viral because he can draw something from memory, recite scripts from Shrek, Cars etc.  Not that I have low expectations but I have realistic ones.
• "You're lucky to have a second autistic kid because you've been through the ring once already (and continue to do so) - so you should be used to this."
• "Why are you so happy it's not autism?!  It could be worse!"

I'll tell you why.

Having a second autistic child was seeming more and more likely because A-Man IS a boy and if you don't know the stats - boys are 4:1 more likely than girls to be autistic.

Anyway, having a second one wouldn't be the end of the world- no, but it would probably drive me insane.  My patience is near level 0 everyday it seems and I do get a break from the kids by going to class regularly!

Yes it could definitely be worse than autism - for sure - but I'm just personally glad it isn't and am entitled to feel such.
You don't have to live in our home where it's not a happy household when V-Man is home because the moment he's upset - he's slapping and pinching himself.  By "slapping himself" - I mean if you're not watching him do it - it sounds like an adult is slapping another in a movie.  You don't hear the moans, shouts and the screams.   You don't feel the tension, the pursuit for inner calm or feel the need for peace.

So this is what we now understand about SLI - because honestly we never heard of it prior to this appointment:

1. "Specific language impairment (SLI) is diagnosed when a child's language does not develop normally and the difficulties cannot be accounted for by generally slow development, physical abnormality of the speech apparatus, autism spectrum disorder, acquired brain damage or hearing loss." - internet Google search
2. He's at a comprehension level of a 2-year old or younger - in both Finnish and English.  His English understanding seems to be a bit stronger but still - he'll be 4 this month.
1. He doesn't understand reasoning or instructions regardless if we put the prize first or the prize second.
   Example: "You can get a cookie if you wash your hands first" or "You have to wash your hands THEN you can get a cookie."
3. His speech is the same.  2, max 3 words-long sentences in either language.
4. He will most likely have difficulty with reading and writing when he starts going to school because his vocabulary is limited and he doesn't like when we read to him (as an example he'd rather point out what he knows in pictures and occasionally ask "what's that?").

What can we do as parents of a child with SLI?

• Be more patient than the Pope.  Working on that one daily and trying not to shout so much at him because he simply doesn't understand.
• Provide him a visual way of communicating - like picture boards for example.  Where he can "say" a sentence without having to say it. Where he can learn words and also express how he's feeling or what he wants.

A-Man's Communication Board he uses at day-care and at home for meal times.

• Teach him sign language - which is a bit of an issue because Finnish and English sign language does differ!  However, he does seem to enjoy using these communication boards thankfully!
• He'll be attending speech therapy weekly while at day-care.  And the fantastic part of this is that it's the same speech therapist as V-Man's.  So we have that wonderful connection with her already and adore Mrs. R.

People have been asking how we feel about having a diagnosis and we feel relieved!!!
It's just wonderful knowing that we weren't in fact crazy, it wasn't a phase, the terrible 2's/3's etc. and we weren't wasting the hospital's time (or ours).
And it totally fits the bill.  It explains his meltdowns, his frustrations, his delay in speech, his lack of vocabulary - all of it.

So that's been my week!

And I have big news for you.  I'll be starting a YouTube series soon!!
My classes end this month and I will be dedicating my bit of "vacation" towards blogging a heck of a lot more, promoting myself more here and there and also doing reviews!
And of course those YouTube videos as well! :)
My aim for the YouTube channel is to have some tutorials, reviews, Vlog on the go and see where it takes me. :)

Keep an eye here and I'll keep you updated!
Thanks as always,
xoxo BIMU

Rambling Update

I am a mother of three lovely children.  V-Man (almost 6), A-Man (almost 4) and M-Girl (under 2).
I am also a mother of three children who are screaming, fighting and trying to push me over the edge.
From my seat, there is finally silence (bed time) and I see a noodle cup lid on the floor, dog food un-eaten by anyone (dog or human), a bra, books, a box and a bag and a belt.  I don't dare try and describe my desk because there's so much junk here - it's crazy.
I am the mother who would rather give my kids cookies first thing in the morning because then the hyperness will burn off by supper time.
I look like a hot mess - so to speak.  I have a blueberry stain on my foot, feet drier than any dessert in the world and while a shower would be amazing before I crash in bed - I'm just too lazy right now.  My hair could use a trim, I don't remember the last time I treated myself to a face mask (which is silly because I keep buying the tubes of stuff in the hopes I remember to use them!) and I'm sort of falling asleep typing this.  Cool - huh?!

When I have V-Man at home, who is precious in his own way and at the same time viciously violent to himself - slapping his face hard - I worry about what happens when he gets older.  What happens if this phase doesn't end.
I wonder if I'll be physically strong enough to hold him back from his best friend and his worst enemy - his own body - out of control.  Slapping, pinching, screaming until he gives himself headaches and his ears ringing.
What will I do if he fights me back?  What will we do if we have to leave this wonderful, beautiful and helpful country that we now call home?
I hear of horror stories.  I read other blogs and see videos that people send me every week.
I'm honestly scared crap-less.

I can hope that things will change and we need things to change because I am at the brink of losing my sanity every time.
Every hard slap, every scream and pinch and these lead to bruising.
Trust me - I'm trying meditating, breathing in and out.  Counting quickly and slowly and slower again - just to calm my mind and my temper.
I've tried giving V-Man other things to do and the little ones something else for them to do, while we ride out these little (but feel extremely massive in the moment) stormy tantrums.
I've tried to give him something to hold- something distracting and lovely and full of texture (but not too much!) and instead of it becoming an educational toy or distraction - it becomes a weapon.

"Shit - what was I thinking?  What were YOU thinking? Why can't you just STOP and CALM DOWN?!"
I don't know if I'm screaming, saying this out loud or just all of it in my head.
The tears threaten to stream down and I bite the inside of my cheeks hard if we're in public.  It gives me something to do and focus on.
If I'm at home, I yell.  I cry and sob because I cannot stop feeling like such a horrible mother.

A parent should be able to protect their kids - put the cleaning products up high and out of reach, turn the pot and pan handles away from little fingers that can just reach, make sure they know to hold hands and not run out in the road.

But I'm failing horribly.  So I feel - based on the bruises on V-Man's face, the ones on his chest and the chipped front tooth from grinding his teeth like they work at a local flour mill.

I feel responsible that I cannot help with the prevention of bruises that I'm sure look much worse to an outsider.  A stranger.  Someone not in my shoes - not even in my socks.
I am trying and do try, and you're right - "You probably shouldn't have had more kids if this first one was going to be such a handful!"
I've thought of that several times and if I had the ability to change things - I probably would.  But then again, maybe I wouldn't.

I don't have a six-pack - not even close.  I have a chubby muffin top/mama pouch - but I'm also one of those naughty stress eaters.  I'm the one walking super fast for a Steakhouse Meal at Burger King plus mozzarella sticks - depending on the day.
I have dry skin like a snake and heels like a grandma.  I can't tell you the last time I wore a full face of make-up because that simply doesn't exist in my schedule - seriously probably about 9 years ago.
But hey it was date night tonight and I managed to wipe my eye lids with eye liner.  That has to count for something! :)

But I'm learning.  I'm trying to take an extra ten seconds after my 5-minutes shower to toss on some moisturizer.  Winter is coming you know.
I'm getting stronger mentally by taking mini time-outs for myself.  If I cannot handle the kids - I put myself in the bedroom and bury my head and cry and get that done and over with.
If I'm overwhelmed and don't feel like watching a show immediately once the kids are asleep - I take a breather and know that tomorrow could be a better day for all of us.
I'm learning to let it go and just come to terms with the fact that my kids love acting out the domino effect to ensure everyone is screaming and/or crying at the same time.  Especially when my husband isn't home.
I do knit and crochet and have been too tired to even do that.
But I'm a champ at pinning things on Pinterest on my phone - for you know, when I'm a grandma and need to make stuff for the grandkids!

I willingly admit that I was becoming 50% Momster and 50% Mom.  Or is it 50% Mom and 50% Ster?
A-Man's been getting tested this past week to see if he's on the Autism Spectrum whatsoever.
Tomorrow's the final day and hopefully we'll have a diagnosis.
"It's because your first kid has autism - A-Man is otherwise normal and just going through a phrase..." is what you're thinking.
No.  It's more than that.  It's not being able to rationalize with him or reason whatsoever.  It's his inability to say a proper sentence in either language.  It's the constant guessing and tip-toeing.
It's his tantrums and his moods that have him shut down entirely and block people out to the point he's mute - but if you speak to A-Man - he'll scream as if he's being buried alive.
We have hope though - thanks to communication boards.  (Will blog separately about that - hopefully soon.)

And where's M-Girl and Loki in all of this?
M-Girl now hits herself when she's mad.  She still screams and she bites those that attempt to "destroy her soul and happiness" "steal her stuff".  But she hits herself.
How can I teach a child to love and care for themselves when the older role model slaps himself on a regular basis across his face?
Other that that - she's lovely.  She's obsessed with skin to skin contact and will rubs my ears while she falls asleep.  Strokes my face or shoves her toes into my face for me to sniff and shout "YUCK!" repeatedly.  Or sometimes, she just wants to be held and I cherish that too.

And Loki, despite being showered with weekly treats - is still lonely and depressed.
We've tried Youtube videos for when we're out and new bones and toys and they're only temporary band-aids.
However!  I recently bought a slimmed down fanny pack and will be starting jogging with him.  Mostly because I'm tired of getting asked if I'm pregnant and also because it turns out this "slimmed down fanny pack" as I call it - turned out to be a jogging belt for wearing while - jogging - with your dog!
Just need to find the right sneakers and we'll be set.  Then perhaps I can sleep the whole night, and finally get some real rest.

My kids don't eat veggies and fruit everyday but they do eat.  My home will never, ever be shown on a magazine cover - but we're happy and they're healthy and that's good enough.
As the saying goes, "Cleaning with children living with you is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos" - absolutely pointless and I've come to appreciate and fully live my life by this motto! :)

Anyway, this is a slightly poetic-off-the-top-of-my-head update on what's going on lately.
I'm now going to crash for the night!
I swear I'll write a new blog post soon - a few of them.  But it's been busy with class, all the stuff I wrote above and trying to apply for a cooking school here (and it's in Finnish!)!
Good night!
BIMU