Why April Is Important.

Please see bottom for my apology and why we will be parting ways with this "Light it up blue/wear blue (unless by chance) & Autism Speaks" - not that we were in any partnership with Autism Speaks and haven't read anything from their site - but I wanted to clarify.

Ask me a few years ago- pre-pregnancy or even before V-Man's diagnosis and I couldn't tell you why April 2nd is kind of a big deal for thousands of families around the world.
Now that I have someone autistic in my life (and recently found out my cousin is on the spectrum too- although not biologically related- so no genetic ties to V-Man at least)- autism has become a huge part of my life.

Of course everyday for us is autism awareness day-both negatively and (recently) positively speaking.
It is especially a "Spread the awareness" kind of day when I have to take the V-Man out to get groceries or even worse- go to the nurse/doctor or hospital. I internally grimace at the sh*t he can cause when in health centre zones and imagine myself with a glass of wine...

So for those that don't know- April is autism awareness month and specifically- today (April 2nd) is autism awareness day. It probably would've been earlier, like on the first but April Fool's Day was booked decades ago.

So why is it actually important to me?
I try not to eat, sleep and breathe autism-related things all the time because I'm a mom of an autistic kiddo, V-Man. But I'm also the mom of two other kids and while they're still young and not quite understanding of what autism is and why their big brother does things the way he does- I still advocate the need to educate people about autism.
That and I have other hobbies and interests beside autism-related things. (I don't mean this in a rude or ignorant manner-I simply want to keep myself happy and my family happy because autism can be a downer sometimes!)

I don't have a science degree or a future career related to autism (I'm in cooking school)- but what I do have is the V-Man.
The first couple of years (pre-diagnosis times)- the V-Man was hitting milestones like any other kid (except speaking) -mostly on time - but hitting so many autism milestones at the same time, we had no idea.
Things like refusing to be bottle fed, refusing a soother, walking on his toes, grinding his teeth, flapping his hands (stimming), being a picky eater (he could tell Chiquita bananas from other brands based on touch and taste), having a hard time adjusting to strangers or new surroundings... The list goes on but man could he jump and climb and had 0 fear about everything he did.

April means to me- the chance for my son's differences to shine.
It means he's just as special as any other kid and just as capable.
It means that autism is a real condition, a real thing and not just a "phase V-Man will grow out of".
It means that those with autism face real life struggles with every day common things (for the neurotypical person) and that they truly need help of all kinds but most importantly-they need patience and understanding.
It means that we can try to stop the stigma that autistic people can't do anything and everything a neurotypical person can do but shine on the fact that they have particular habits and skills that are just as awesome.
It means that if we ever have to move from Finland- the first two things I look at in a potential new country for us is: autism health care services (costs, availability etc) and how safe of a place it is. I cringe and cry every time I hear about innocent autistic (and other disabilities!) people getting hurt because the emergency staff isn't trained to recognize someone with autism. Or because they weren't safe at school or a public setting- the list goes on. Of course no country is perfect but those are the things we have to consider. We can't just pick a place with decent schools and friendly neighbourhoods- there's so much more to it for us.

We happened to be wearing blue.

It means raising awareness that there are people in the world that think so differently from you and I and we should also learn how to embrace it.


Thanks to everyone who has ever asked me questions about what our life is like with an autistic child, shared some autism-related link, offered to give a hand or a cup of tea to cry over, or just listened.

The pre-diagnosis years were super tough but things are getting easier.
I'm working on basic life skill with the V-Man everyday and as simple as the task may be- he's a different child.
He no longer screams out of boredom or feeling useless. He has little chores and tasks to do and that makes him smile and happy. He feels loved, challenged and valued- and he knows (I'm sure) that his participation is appreciated.

And that is why April is important to me.
BIMU

PS Important update:

Dear everyone:

I just removed anything that has to deal with the "Light it up blue" / Autism Speaks campaign as I had no idea that AS has such a negative view on autism.
I realize that living in Finland- I miss a lot of history on various companies (especially if the news is primarily based in North America) - and after reading SEVERAL comments about how Autism Speaks (which created the wear blue campaign)- I will not be supporting the "Light it up blue" campaign.
The best way to encourage and spread autism awareness is by talking about it.
Answering questions people have, asking your own questions and living your life to the fullest.
I'll let you do your own research but the basics are: nobody autistic is on their advisory board and less than 4% of donations gets used for families with autistic family members. That saddens and disgusts me. They're semi- anti-vaxers as well and we all know that had been debunked repeatedly.

While we deeply appreciate all of our friends who chose to wear blue today (and we did as well unintentionally!) but we will be parting ways with that idea in future- unless of course, it's by chance.
They are also semi anti-vaxxers and for me - that's a no go.  Especially when it involves putting other people's children at risk and their lives.  And we all know that these theories about vaccines "causing autism" has been debunked repeatedly.

Thanks for your understanding,
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Speech Therapy = Torture

I am incredibly fortunate enough to live in a country where, for the most part, they take care of their people.
Of course, no system is perfect- and we have had our ups and downs with the Finnish system in a variety of ways but I'm here to talk about an up and not a down.

I'm currently sitting in a cafe after dropping off A-Man at his daycare far too early. I have an occupational therapy meeting to go to soon for the V-Man and forgot my gym gear- and thought I should try to be productive while waiting over an hour to get to my appointment.

Yesterday I had a double speech therapy meeting with both kids.
Shoot me - it was awful for the V-Man. A-Man's appointment was at 10 and V-Man's was at 11.
It was awful, not because of our new speech therapist "O" but because of the location.  It was downtown in some building that none of us have been to but apparently have walked by several times.
It was extremely brightly lit and the V-Man didn't want to stay.  I can't blame him as my eyes were hurting and despite the posh decorating and setting- V-Man must've felt extremely uncomfortable in there. Hubster pointed out it may have felt "too clinic-like" for him because he did nothing but fight and scream the roof off.
Nobody was wearing scrubs, there were no sounds of drilling or other kids screaming as if they were getting blood work done-but still.
Maybe it's because it was the first time. Maybe because he was hungry - despite having gone to McDonald's for lunch while I stayed with the A-Man.
It just was a major flashback to when he was younger and no amount of scrolling through his iPad photos or movie choosing made him happy.  Not even my phone was good enough.

Anyway, the point of this meeting was to meet the new speech therapist. Sadly, our last speech therapist for the V-Man, "R",  moved away and wasn't coming back to our city for therapy sessions anymore.
This was incredibly heart breaking for us because it took V-Man so long to get used to her and was quite well bonded with her. 4 years with the same therapist was amazing and she was also a nearby neighbour (not that we ever got around to having her over for dinner)- so it really felt like she was (and still is) a friend as well.

The original plan was to have the V-Man meet the new therapist WITH his previous therapist and that way the transition would be a bit smoother.
But we had a rough time getting a new therapist. Kela, the Finnish social services program, is undergoing a lot of budget cuts thanks to the government.
So. We went through 2-3 therapists that would potentially work with the V-Man -only to have it be cancelled or they changed their minds or they couldn't take him on.
Never mind the fact that A-Man also needs therapy -although not as intensively perhaps as the V-Man, since he can speak and point things out at least.

So the A-Man was up first and she more or less had to talk with me about his habits, his hobbies, things he needed work on speech-wise and whatever else needed work.
We agreed that A-Man is speaking a lot more compared to his assessment and now is curious about what things are called and will ask.
However, the issue remains that he doesn't understand longer or more complicated sentences or time frames unless a timer is used. For example, "when the timer goes off-game is all done!" is an acceptable sentence for him.
Saying something like "you need to be ready in twenty minutes to get the bus!" isn't something he would comprehend because he has no concept of time without a timer.
Also, A-Man still has a difficult time expressing himself. There is regularly crying and screaming meltdowns over little arguments between him and M-Girl mostly.
Example?

"My mommy."
"No! A-Man's mommy."
*repeat for a solid minute at least.*
"$@?!;$:$/&/$;&/&));/&!!!?!!;$;&:&{*}!#€\*{ !!  MY MOMMY!" (Symbols represent some sort of baby language combined with Finnish and English from the M-Girl.)
Cue massive sob fest from A-Man.  M-Girl is triumphant in whatever the heck she just babbled to him and stands proudly with her face flushed and her body ready for more baby babble throw downs.
Hubster and I sat back and observed this (I admit I was laughing inside because the M-Girl is a very strongly verbal child - even in the art of babble) and when we realized the A-Man was a hot mess over whatever his little sister screeched at him- I scooped him up into my lap and asked what's wrong.
He couldn't say it. He couldn't tell me why his feelings were hurt or why he was so upset or what his sister said.

Imagine how frustrating that is for a parent who want to do the right thing and console one child while lecturing the other at the same time...but even more so for the kid who can't express what he wants to say.
Whether it's because his vocabulary isn't big enough due to the two very different languages or because he can't simply string the words he needs together to form an understandable sentence- it's sad.
So I played what I call the "Guessing Game". I say anything and everything I could possible think of and he tells me when I'm right.
I managed to break down M-Girl's chatter down to being very hurtful and mean. And I took a wild guess and asked if she told him that Mommy & Daddy aren't HIS parents-only hers.  He nodded while still sobbing and with his arms flung around me and his snot dripping all over me.
Bingo.
But this is why he does need speech therapy. Sometimes I doubt myself because he is speaking so much more than before but also because compared to the V-Man's nonverbal autism- it doesn't seem like he needs therapy at all!
But it appears he does.  What if something very serious, more than hurt feelings, happens and A-Man can't explain what he's heard or witnessed?

Anyways, the V-Man came in for his turn and it was more or less O, Hubster and I shouting at each other trying to be heard over the screams and trying to tackle the V-Man and prevent him from leaving the room.
The V-Man wasn't having it and thankfully we stayed for only 30 minutes so I could fill paperwork for his therapy, answer a few questions and we could go.
In future, his appointments (A-Man too) will be held at school and a couple appointments here and there at home- so she can see them in their ultimate comfort zone.
I really need to invest into some good ear plugs...he can really break a headache in for you in a short & loud period of time!

If you're wondering how we apply for therapies here- it requires a 2-days assessment at that neurological clinic at the hospital. Then a doctor's recommendation plus some applications via Kela.
It can be time consuming, depending on the situation and also the queue for getting a therapist-but otherwise- I'm really happy and thankful I live here.
Even with budget cuts going on - I'm fairly confident my children will get the help they need.
:)
BIMU

A Side of Autism: F-ing Pop

This week is ski holiday in our  area of Finland. Also known as March Break (typically held in February though) or spring break.
We decided to keep all three kids at home as it means we don't have to wake up and run around to three different locations to drop them off and pick them up.
We are also back to trying to save money and pinch pennies here and there.
One of the biggest spendings we have every month is "treating" the kids to lunch on the weekends.
We seriously need to cut back -so I have been trying to time my errands or outings with the kids away from meal times.
The V-Man is determined though. Subway is his thing and it's located in our grocery store of choice. So I gave in this week- he had been relatively well behaved that day and I forgot my water bottle and thought he wouldn't like the orange pop.
Wrong.
He loved it so much I got a refill. Then he refused to let me have any and I worried about a diaper overflow (although he can hold it in for a really long time-usually when in public) and that's where Hell broke loose.
He refused to eat his sandwich, of which there was a third left and didn't want to munch on the little bag of chips either. He just wanted pop.
I was alone with him and tried to remain calm as he began having his meltdown. He screamed and yelled like he was being tossed in the hole on Scandal and by yelling -I mean the whole really big area of Subway was silent (of course there were other customers) and the cash register line ups (of the grocery store) were also silent too. Aside from the beeping of items being scanned- all you heard was my 6-year old slap his face, scream in pain from it and also from the pain of being denied pop.
Then he really got pissed off and tried to flip the table over.
Thankfully those things are pretty heavy- so he couldn't flip it half way...not yet anyway.

What the f*ck am I going to do when he's a teenager? Honestly?!
Never mind the fact that everyone can see and hear him and the strangers are being kind. They're staring but not for long, they're not offering help (which I prefer) and they're pretending like there isn't a large 6-year old boy trying to his his mother with the freaking Subway table.
Thank you strangers! It makes things much more bearable for me when you continue doing your thing-I genuinely appreciate it.
(This also reduces my chances of my own public melt down if I'm left alone to deal with V-Man.)

Sure, I could've gone back to the cash register and gotten him an extremely overpriced juice box that he would finish in 10 seconds.
But then he would win. He would learn that he gets his own way by tossing a fit the size of a tornado. He would learn that he could flip a table and eventually get more pop or juice.
I'm trying to keep my cool and compromise with him. I hid the pop and told him if he had more sandwich- then he could have more pop. But then he started rocking the table at me again and the slapping himself started too and I just slurped that pop and tossed away his 1/3 of a sandwich and the empty cup and we left.
I lectured him like crazy.

"That's not nice. You don't throw the table. Try to be a good boy. No more screaming- it's not nice. You didn't get more pop because your tooth just fell out and it's way too sugary for little kids anyway. If you are more sandwich you could've had a little more pop."

I'm the whisper firmly and logically mother in the grocery store- bracing myself for another meltdown. I'm occasionally the talk out loud to myself like I would inside my head mother - which means I'm using the "OMG DUH!! Give me a break!" tone as well.
I realize he probably didn't comprehend most of the longer sentences. But I had to get it out.
I had an instant headache and dreaded what grocery shopping would bring but he chilled out once we got into that rhythm and started dragging the shopping basket on wheels-he calmed down.
Maybe the line up beforehand was too much for him or maybe the sensation of pop in his mouth was overwhelming and exciting and he simply wanted to feel more of it.

I texted the Hubster about the stress of it all and that when I got home, I would be having a drink.
It wasn't even 4pm-never mind 5.
(Of course it's always 5 o'clock somewhere...)
So I got home, rushed past the V-Man to unpack groceries and avoid him for a bit.
I just needed space and knowing that two more kids would be climbing all over me once we walked inside- I definitely needed a drink.

I can highly recommend Bailey's mixed in to your hot chocolate, topped with marshmallows, whipped cream and sprinkles.
I don't own a shot glass- so I just slowly counted to 5 -both to calm my nerves and to signal when I should probably stop pouring Bailey's into my mug.
I don't do this often- I promise you. But it was either a cup of spiked hot chocolate while muttering my stresses away in an annoyed but quieter voice-or screaming my head off.

I guess the point of all this is to share that everyone has crappy days. From both sides of the fence- the kid side and the parent side. 

In retrospect, the V-Man had to wait in line (which he despises) and was robbed the opportunity to have more fizzy pop. 

I have to remind myself that he's entitled to want more of something and express anger (still-I can't justify giving in every time!) and hope to God he doesn't kill me with a table in public. 

I know a teeny part of me wanted to make him scared and I could've easily threatened to flip the table back in his direction. 

But what does it accomplish? People calling social services because they can't necessarily see autism and assume I'm the one trying to hurt him? Not saying that's his intent when he slams tables because it isn't. It's how he truly expresses rage - other than slapping himself. 

Sometimes the toughest part of being a parent is the ability to just let it go. Don't hold a grudge. Don't lose your marbles or your sh*t - both publicly and in private. Don't give in but also don't put up too big of a fight hat ends up pushing them away. 

It's a really freaking tough job- but someone has to do it.

And you can. 

BIMU

Teaching Life Skills to an ASD Child

Unless you're on the spectrum or have another disability, I think we often take the simplest of tasks for granted.

Getting dressed, serving yourself food, cooking, reading, writing, talking, using the bathroom, driving, going on a bus, controlling our own bodies.

I recently made a video about how excited I am that the V-Man is interested in cooking and now he helps to set the table!
I don't want my kids to be 100% completely dependent on someone else because basic life skills are important.

And if giving him a small task makes him happy and uses up some of his extra energy-then why not?
Already, the things the V-Man has been trying to do as an independent little boy have far exceeded my expectations, his therapists and his teachers and caregivers at his overnight care.

I've made another video about dissecting why he was opening and closing cupboard doors. It wasn't because he was genuinely trying to make us go insane but because he wanted to help. He wanted us to put the dishes away and he knew the cupboard doors close after they're all dry and put away. Or when it's time to eat-the cupboard doors are supposed to open so we can get plates.

The other day he was hungry.  When he's hungry- he yells, he cries and sometimes hurts himself. V-Man can also be destructive and start ripping things or throwing things when he's upset. (Internally I want to do the same when I feel famished!)
I was cooking and supper was almost done and I could've used an extra hand but of course Hubster was separating the younger two from one of their fights, while also dealing with the V-Man's tantrum about to turn volcanic.

"Hey! V-Man-come help Mommy please!" I shouted and I don't know if he heard my voice or the opening of the cupboard doors...(my brother and I were the same in regards to hearing Pepsi being opened as kids...)

He came running. Then I had to think fast about what to give him to do since he already stirred the stir fry independently...
I handed him three IKEA plastic plates and told him to please put them on the table. I held my breath and hoped he didn't toss them in the floor or in the garbage (a new trend)- he didn't.
He not only put it on the table, he looked at me and I cheered him on and complimented him like there was no tomorrow.
He smiled and ran around for a few seconds and I handed him spoons and cups and he was thrilled to help set up the table!

So now, we are able to create some sort of pattern for him in regards to meal times and give him something to do that'll burn up energy and give him time to practice his life skills. And also give me that extra 2 minutes to finish cooking supper!

In terms of what else he's doing- he loves to take the laundry basket to the bathroom when the wash is done and gets very excited about us putting the laundry in the basket. He also enjoys handing the laundry to us while we hang it but sometimes drops it or gets going in his own rhythm so quickly that we cannot keep up with him throwing ten pieces of laundry at us.
But it's a start.
There's also the dish washer - he likes to take things out and hand it to us (or open and close those cupboard doors).

Every morning he picks his own clothes out for the day and is able to un-dress himself and helps get his own clothing on himself.
He also enjoys carrying his bag down to the taxi and when we go grocery shopping he likes to put things in the basket, carry it around (or drag it by the handle if it has wheels) and put the groceries on the conveyor belt.

These are things I could not believe would ever happen as of a year ago.
But they're happening and we're trying to respect his limits but also try and push them a bit more every day.

What's next that he could learn?
Potty-training - that's going to be the hardest, most frustrating for both parties and exciting AF once he gets it.
More cooking - right now he randomly stirs stuff but it would be nice to get him to try baking and pouring ingredients into a mixing bowl for example.  Knives - can wait.
Crafts - He does enjoy drawing but also likes to draw on the table sometimes.  So we're working on that.

:)
BIMU

A Side of Autism: My Moisturized Sofa

I love my kids and there are times where I am more on the "why the f*ck did I have kids?" end of the scale.

Remember that awesome trip to Helsinki I vlogged about?  Well, I was riding on that high of having a meltdown-free day with the V-Man and even managing to travel to Helsinki and back within the same day (almost 8 hours on a bus!) and it was all burnt to smithereens this morning.

We (Hubster and I) were still asleep and we knew 2/3 kids were awake.  We found out that the V-Man was awake when A-Man started screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I let the Hubster go check and see how much damage control would be needed and then when I heard him shout, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I braced myself for the worst.
Like laundry soap all over our old hardwood floors (that soak up liquid like sponges - so you need to act fast!) or more fabric softener...

I opened my eyes and saw white stuff everywhere on our grey sofa.

Thankfully - my sofa probably needs to be washed anyway.

Unfortunately - I'm super lazy and don't have a car to rent a deep cleaning vacuum.

I then saw red.

Why be so pissed off about THIS much lotion spread deeply and all over my sofa?  Along with my daughter M-Girl who was caked head to toe in it?

Because I just bought the lotion the day prior, it was 750 ml and was nearly empty by the time we saw that up there and I used it once.

I'm trying to be better at moisturizing my skin because frankly - my legs look like snake skin boots - for free! HA!

I was also mad because it was Burt's Bees lotion and I can't get that in my city - so it was a real shocker for me when I walked past a shop and saw it for 50% off.

So what you're looking at (not including the blobs of lotion in M-Girl's hair, on her belly and all over her hands, feet and diaper/pajamas) - is 9€ of lotion everywhere.

We know the V-Man did it because A) he was caught red (white?) handed with the tube in his hand and hand painting it everywhere and B) A-Man shouted it to us.

I'm calmer now about it - I can almost chuckle about it.

I realize it could have been worse.

It could've been blood.  Mud.  Poop.  Pee. Wine.  Vaseline.  Olive oil.  Soya sauce. 

Remember my New Year's Resolutions?

Calmer parent - well, that's gone.  In fact, on NY Day - I am pretty sure I screeched the roof off about something at the kids and cursed a storm.

That morning of the moisturizing sofa incident - I did a billion times worse.  I think I yelled at V-Man and M-Girl (as she was caked in it) for a solid 5 minutes - like hollered at them - for a solid 5 minutes.
Then I stormed off and tried to scrub the sofa with sofa cleaner and then went to the bedroom to sob and calm down.

But it's done and over with and the stain is sort of fading.

And Milo licked the sofa a lot for the next 2 days to try and help me out I guess.

This is exactly why I don't buy new anything (with few exceptions like underwear, groceries, toilet paper and so on).
And it's also why we don't have white clothes or furniture.
This is the life of motherhood that annoys me the most I suppose and I have no shame in saying that.
I'd love to meet the parents that thoroughly enjoy parenting to the extent that they're happy 100% of the time.  Never once having a melt-down or a breakdown (whatever sounds nice to you), children that are pure angels that do no wrong and can own nice things from the moment they're with their partner straight through baby barf, toddler-hood and creative art on the wall ages.
(Or is this completely imaginary like unicorns?)
BIMU

Waiting Room Patients - I Want You To Know A Few Things...

Dear Waiting Room Patients,

I'm a mom.  A parent.  A guardian. A person trying to keep my sanity in check...
I realize that every time I'm in the hospital waiting room with the V-Man - you're probably wondering why I am there and "what's wrong with the boy who's not listening to his mother."
I am there for my sick child that I promised to care for from the moment we found out we were expecting.
I am there for answers because as a non-medical professional myself - I need to figure out what is going in my kid's body that's making him ill and how to quickly yet efficiently fix it.
I am there and internally screaming my head off at all of you who stare, point and whisper at my kid as he is stimming  his little heart out by bouncing, gasping, grasping air with his fists and making garble with his mouth.
I am not the parent to bring their kid in for any little thing and try to tolerate as much as I can at home before I lose my f*cking marbles.  Trust me - if I could wave a wand over him and make him better at home without having to bother the waiting room, the hospital staff and so on - I so would.

But unfortunately for you - I have an autistic child.  What does this mean and why were we there today?

1. V-Man is non-verbal autistic, he's 6 and strong like a freaking bull.  We really do think that may be his "talent"...as opposed to math, art, physics, music...
1. It also means he doesn't listen, he doesn't necessarily have control over his movements, he cannot express to me exactly what he is feeling.  Not even a "I feel sick.  I feel dizzy or my tummy hurts here" - it is a constant guessing game to figure out what is wrong.
2. I despise going to the hospital with him but as it turned out - he was showing some clear signs of an ear infection and guess what? Ear infections are super duper common in autistic kids and by common in at least my own child - I mean he's had them non-stop from the time he was 1.5 years old up until he was 4 - when our doctor finally suggested he got tubes.  Turned out he didn't have one but it might happen soon anyway - but everyone in the waiting room would've known this as V-Man insisted on keeping the door wide open...
1. It was slightly easier from birth to four years old because he was quite content to be in his stroller.  He's now far too big for one.
3.  V-Man hates the hospital, doctors, nurses and anything associated with health care.  Getting his ears checked is never easy - never mind testing CRP levels (that little prick in your finger for a quick blood smear to test for infection levels), x-rays and so on - nah.
4. I'm embarrassed to be there.  Yes, it's for his health and nothing is more important and I would do anything for my kid - which apparently means chasing him away from the automated doors every 4 seconds.  I also realize my kid's antics drove some people nuts and I'm fortunate tonight he didn't go into anyone's bags or try to steal their bottle, bag, food or other interesting item of the day.  
1. I also am the one walking in like a luke-warm cucumber and walking out like a hot mess because any kind of check-up for the V-Man involves a wrestling, pinning and turning my body into a yoga-ninja pretzel just to hold him in place to check his ears.  Then the other side!
2. I also know that I need to just "Let It Go" and ignore those other people because they don't know what a hospital trip is like with the V-Man unless they were in my shoes for the past 6 years.  But still...
5. I almost always have a glass of wine after the hospital visit once the kids are asleep.  Tonight I'm just going to go to bed early.
6. I am the mother on the phone because I was updating concerned friends and texting my husband with as much fury as I could muster (as I do every time I  take the kids to the hospital but mostly only angry when I take V-Man because let's face it - he's the most difficult/most uncomfortable in a hospital kid):
   
   "Big whopping f*ck you right now.  I'm so sick of doing this - you can go here next time with him - I'm done!"

That may come off as harsh but I won't lie about this.  When I'm tired and exhausting myself even more with playing tag/"let's not hit the paramedics moving the elderly on a bed" in a hospital waiting room - I'm not going to be the nicest person in the world but at the same time I'll keep my nasty attitude to just my husband because I know he gets my frustrations and can take it until I calm down.

I am typically the parent that goes to the hospital with the kids because I speak more Finnish than my husband - in case we were to encounter a doctor or nurse that doesn't speak a lot (or any) English and I'm the carrier of info - both mentally and in my wallet.

Anyways, what I was trying to say is that I realize my kid annoyed you by rushing to the automatic doors every 4 seconds and there's a reason for it.

He's not necessarily able to control himself or listen to me and it annoyed me too.

I called out to him multiple times in the hopes he would be interested in his iPad and no.  He wasn't. I offered my phone and no - that wasn't good either.  My keys, wallet, bag and even a package of tissues weren't enticing tonight.

If kids came with little remote controls for urgent situations or preventing mega awkward ones - I'd be the first one ordering one.

I know that today was a minor incident in a a sea of many possibilities - it can always be worse.  I don't think I'm quite apologizing as I am more so explaining my frustration with both my kid not being able to tell me "Hey Mom - I feel like crap - take me to the doctor please" and the awkwardness that can occur in a very public setting - not just the hospital waiting room either!  Restaurants, at the bus stop, waiting in line to pay for groceries or an item...anywhere.

I won't speak for all other parents out there but I'd rather have someone come up to me and ask me nicely, "May I ask what your child has?"
I'd be pleased as punch and whenever someone has asked (maybe twice a stranger has asked in the whole 6.5 years of us living here) and feel better for having explained what autism is and hopefully they're happy having learned something new.

I'm regularly thankful for the Finnish custom of supreme silence but at the same time - if someone were to reach out to me and just simply ask what's up - it could help making the whole "spreading of autism awareness" a little smoother.

BIMU

A Side of Autism: Underestimating V-Man

One thing the Hubster and I absolutely love is reading.
Of course with him being a researcher - he does it for a living and I do it more for pleasure and learning new things (usually craft techniques and reading multiple blogs and news sources!).
Hubster also reads for fun FYI...

Anyhow, one thing that the V-Man despises (despised?) was reading.
We buy books every year for a Christmas gift because we really want to encourage reading, imagination, bond with our kids and so on.
He hasn't had any interest whatsoever in books other than to rotate them, open and close the covers and recently?  Shove the corner of the book up his nose.  Everything is getting the deep-space nostril treatment lately!

Anyways, to my surprise - last night we had the music therapy and that didn't go all that great. Mostly because V-Man's time switched due to a prior group cancellation and there was another group singing loudly (and nicely!) in the room next door.  Toss in a screaming kid with the choir (not V-Man) - and he wasn't having it.

So V-Man dragged me to McDonald's for supper and then to the ice-cream parlour and I figured - let's make a date out of this!
Hubster was occupied with A-Man's Christmas party and M-Girl was with them - so it was just me and V-Man and that was cool.
I got a scoop of ice-cream for V-Man and he was ecstatic!  Oh wait, he was more ecstatic about the escalator going up and down and prancing on his toes and squeezing his fists repeatedly while eyeing every single stranger and probably giving them a heart attack.
Anyways, he ended up not having any ice-cream - not because it was too delicious for me to not share but because he apparently just wanted the wafer cookie on top.
Yep.  I didn't even want the ice-cream!  But I ate it anyway.

Anyways, we got home, zipped out with the dogs and began to prep for bed time.  We were already past the 7 pm ritual and had such a wildly different day than normal- so I was pretty casual about the whole thing.
Hubster messaged me in distress asking if we were home yet and advising me to get V-Man to bed asap.

Yeah - no.

What's the point of getting V-Man to sleep when:

A) He wasn't tired.
B) Milo would bark like a crazy dog when everyone else got back home.  Which means - he'd be up anyhow.
C) He was reading.

Yeah - I wrote that.
C) He was reading.

And no, he wasn't reading out loud or else you would've seen a horribly crooked and shaky film of me in full blast water works ("tears") and V-Man screaming in the background to pay attention to him.
Phone screen is still cracked and that's the camera I usually use to film...haven't approached the Hubster to use his to record yet - I don't think he'd mind but ah well!

Let me explain how this came about and why this is a HUGE deal.

First of all, he was ticked as all get out because for the first time in probably 4 years - his blanket cover and his pillow case matched.
That was a no-go apparently so I figured it out after 10 minutes ("But why won't you crawl into your bed at least?! What's wrong?! They're clean sheets!") and he was pleased as punch when I tossed his blanket into my room and gave him my mis-matched blanket to his pillow case.  Alrighty then.

Then I grabbed a book, "The Mixed Up Chameleon" by Eric Carle (affiliate link) and started reading out loud.  It's a fairly new book in our home, as it was buried under a pile of other books - and I had completely forgotten that I bought this ages ago!  Or maybe it was a gift? It probably was! Whoops!

Here's the shocker:  he didn't "ask" (i.e. push the book away, push me away, cover my mouth or scream/cry/leave the room) me to stop reading.

So why is this a HUGE deal?  

1. V-Man typically doesn't care for books other than to:
1. Rotate them and flip them back and forth (and not actually OPEN it).
2. Rip and crumple pages. *shudder*  - I absolutely hate folded and crinkled pages in a book!
3. Pick them up, drop them, throw them...bend them cover to cover (backwards) so the binding breaks.
2. He doesn't like when we read to him - or at least when the Hubster tries.
   And because the Hubster is the one that puts him to sleep 98% of the time - it doesn't really open up an oppourtunity for me to read to him.  And apparently, I'm a crappy mom for not even thinking to try!
1. I suppose I've had so many "#MomFails" with regards to reading out loud with him - and getting in trouble for reading with the younger two (if the kids got too excited or spoke too loudly about the story after - V-Man had a fit!)
3. I asked him to put it away and if he wanted - he could get another one.  I held my breath.  After I repeated it again - he did it.  I nearly wet myself.

It should be noted that most books that I want the kids to cherish forever (typically classics or by Canadian authors or my favourite authors or have real paper pages and not stiff cardboard pages) - are way up high on a shelf.  By "way up high" - I mean nearly touching the ceiling.

So now, our goal is to try to introduce these board books (as they're the most interesting and sturdy) back into the V-Man's daily routine and hope for the best.

I have apparently underestimated my child's interest for reading and disregarded it as "not his thing" because of multiple fails before.

May this serve as a kind reminder to just try it again every now and again. :)
BIMU

Happy Birthday V-Man

Dearest V-Man,

You're 6 years old and I cannot believe it. 3:23am 6 years ago was one of the most biggest reliefs ever!  We didn't know your gender and we didn't care.  You were our first and a surprise!
I truly remember most details of my whole pregnancy with you and of course, our move from Canada to Finland.
I remember all those times you felt the need to play peek-a-boo instead of being born already.  (There was a lot of swearing and threats in my delivery room that night.)
I try to forget and I mostly have forgotten what it was like before your diagnosis - because all I remember was a lot of tears and screaming from both of us.
I've calculated that we've changed approximately 3650 dirty diapers (assuming 10 a day or more- seriously) - but we're still alive.
Enough of this negative junk...

These past three years - you have surpassed our expectations in so many little things that they heavily outweigh those first two years of your toddler-hood scream fest.
Your smile and infectious giggle lights up our world - you don't even know how happy it makes us. It is impossible to not follow suit after seeing how happy you are.
Your eagerness to help out with the dishes or the laundry - and yes, it quite often means half a bottle of soap is gone - but the thing is you tried.  Or when we can't find piles of folded clean laundry because you took it upon yourself to shove it all into your dresser drawers.  Even though the clothes weren't yours.
The way your face lights up when you figure something out is also precious.  I cherish these the most because it teaches you SO many things like cause and effect, basic life skills and fun.
Even though you put a pore strip package into the Xbox One and we had to buy a new one because it totally broke the machine...
Your ability to trust someone is so grand and I truly hope that nobody will break your heart and lose your trust because yours is overflowing and special.

For someone with quite a diagnosis- you have taught us lots of things.
Here's a list of some of them.

• Be silly - always.  No need to be serious ALL THE TIME.
• Think outside the box.  Find different ways to communicate, to express, to play and to love.
• Laugh.  Laugh because you can and because you want to and don't care what others are thinking.  Even when it seems like you're laughing at nothing.
• Just try.  There are so many times I have thought and accused you of pushing your boundaries and really - you were just trying to learn something new.  Once I realized this and thought outside the box and in line with your thinking (so it may be) - it got super interesting watching you do what you do.
• Equality & fairness.  Everyone in your eyes gets fair and equal treatment.  Us, your siblings, the dogs, the neighbours, the bus driver, the strangers that stare, the kinder strangers who smile your way.  It says a lot that you see everyone as equal.  A grand lesson many could learn from.
• Express yourself.  It might not look or sound lovely when you're upset.  But you express yourself the only ways you know how and can cope with.  Something I tend to bottle up inside are my emotions but you toss them at us freely and in the rawest form.
  Thank you.

We look forward to what you come up with next and we want you to know that we appreciate and love you for who you are and as you are.

XOXO
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Phases

I went to a parent/teacher/therapist meeting today and it was awesome.
It was long (about 2 hours) but it was well worth it because I learned a lot of things about the V-Man's newer habits at school.
In Finland, children start the year they turn 7 years old but because V-Man is diagnosed with autism - he gets to start a year early - with the aims of graduating at the same time as his peers of the same age, who would start at 7.

Out of nowhere and near the end of the meeting, I had a light bulb moment.  A real "OMG I totally forgot he did that moment!"
So I thought it'd be cool to make a quick video of some of his more memorable phases and list here in this blog - as many of the phases he's gone through since being born.
Of course they might not apply to all children - autistic or not - but I found it really interesting!
My goal is to keep my videos 10 minutes long or less - hence this longer blog post! :)

• From birth to almost 1 year old:  V-Man absolutely could not be tolerated being held by the Hubster or anyone but me.  Unless he was nearly asleep, I had no freedom.  He didn't take a soother or a bottle ever.  Boob juice all the way.
• Physical contact was hard for V-Man.  He didn't care for anyone touching him, holding his hand or being held in someone else's lap.
• Now, he quite enjoys being cuddled a bit - on his own terms - and will grab random strangers hands.  Or bums.  That's awkward on the bus...
• He was potty trained (both #1 and #2) between 6-months old and 9-months.  Then he had an abscess on his rear end and absolutely refused to sit on a potty.  There went that out the window.
• He has been obsessed since he was 1.5 years  old with rubbing breasts and chests.  I truly think it's just a cause and effect reaction for him.  Not only the cause and effect of someone telling him "No - don't do that" after rubbing someone's chest but also the skin to t-shirt contact.  The fact that if you rub a nipple (let's just be blunt here) the skin gets hard.  But it's harder for him to get the same physical reaction from a woman because they're usually wearing bras.  
• Watching Disney Cars DVD - we're on our third copy.  
• Dear Disney, thanks to you changing the cover of the DVD - V-Man refuses to watch it now.  Despite the fact that nothing else changed otherwise.
• Watching Shrek 1-4 - he loves them all. But I think the first three films are his favourite.
• Biting/Chewing clothing and people - either his clothing or us - we ended this by buying him a really soft bunny on a string with a strong clip to attach to his coat/shirt.  Whenever he threatened to bite - we just popped that bunny in his mouth and he chomped hard on that instead.
• Grinding his teeth was my "OMG" moment this morning during our meeting and I just realized that he hadn't ground his teeth in ages!!!  He is a loud and hard grinder and his front tooth is actually chipped from grinding his teeth.  The dentist said there's nothing we can do but get him to use a mouth guard (yeah - that's not happening!) and hopefully he grows out of this phase before his adult teeth settle in!
• Poor diet: He could tell the difference between Chiquita and Dole or store-branded bananas.  He only ate bananas, yoghurt, bread, French fries, crackers and certain kind of burgers from a local chain.  That was the extent of his protein/meat intake.  Once we got him into a wonderful specialized day-care - he learned how to taste new foods and become a toddler/child with a teenager x5-sized appetite!
• Still doesn't like blood tests, needles, doctors or nurses.  He had a rough first blood test when he was younger and it was something out of a nightmare - blood squirting everywhere and 3 nurses plus myself holding down a 2-year old little boy.
• Jumping - enough said.
• Dropping breakfast on our face - to wake us up he'd bring either: bread, bunch of bananas, butter or an empty glass if he was thirsty and because our bed was against the wall - 1 parent got un-lucky with the V-Man alarm clock.
• Running away/wearing a safety harness - Here's the original blog post and a video to go with it.  

  

  2014

• Climbing - he still does.  He can get on wall radiators and arrange furniture just right for his climbing needs.  So far - no broken bones. *KNOCK ON WOOD*
• Not sleeping - this phase has passed I think - thanks to the wonders of Melatonin (an over the counter sleeping aid).  And he even sleeps in his own bed which just took persistence and ensuring A-Man went to sleep after V-Man did so it was nearly silent.



He did this on his own. 5-years old

• Ear Infections were an issue from 1.5-years to recently.  Thanks to tubes surgery - he is able to sleep better.  Oh and probably because his nose is clear too...remember that orange booger?
• Ear infections do seem to be a common thing among youngsters with autism - just a trend I've noticed in reading other blogs, books and so on.
  ** Not a medical expert - just a Mom. **
• Slapping himself when angered/not getting enough attention or what he wants or when siblings scream:  the difficulty with this one is I get frustrated pretty easily and I'll admit - while spanking a child is illegal here - I feel like absolute crap for wanting to spank a child who IS screaming the roof off and driving my head into the ground with a pounding headache - but there's absolutely no point because he's already slapping himself harder than adults slap each other.  Anyway, that and I'm trying my hardest to approach my kids temper tantrums with a calmer mindset.  The other issue with that is that if we try to give him something to hold that has texture - to use as a distraction - it doesn't work.  He still slaps himself like crazy with it.  
• I'm sure my neighbours (we haven't met) think we're beating the crap out of him - but I swear we're not.  He's a 1-man show that one!
• Sniffing and touching with his lips:  this sensory test can be your skin, your clothing, new food, food he's used to - anything.
• Escaping: V-Man seems to have the tendency to know how to escape any place.  Whenever he arrives somewhere he immediately scans the room for all the potential exits.  This is a major issue because he does run away - we have to be extremely careful where we visit (i.e. playgrounds and people's homes or BBQ parties) and unfortunately, have kept those to a bare minimum.  We have a fire pit in our yard and haven't used it since moving here nearly three years ago because there's no fenced in area for him to run about.  


• His new thing, is that when he's bored - he grabs his shoes and leaves.  It means he needs a break from us, from the humming of the computer I suppose and just needs a personal time-out.  So Hubster will grab the leash and Loki (who has his own YouTube video by the way) and they all go hiking together and I've noticed when V-Man returns - he's calmer and happier.
• Another new thing is that when he's returning from overnight care - he likes to carry his own backpack (which does have some weight to it!) and he'll even carry his own booster seat (for the taxi) home!  It's about a 15-minutes walk from our home - so I'm thrilled he's interested in helping out!
• He's interested in chores: V-Man enjoys putting the dishes in the dishwasher - it's not perfect but it's the effort that counts!  He likes putting soap in the dishwasher, and in the washing machine (he was being too quiet - that was the first sign...) and "hanging laundry", and cooking!  He tries to stir food and likes to sniff spices. :)
  

I'm curious what other phases or trends he'll go through :).

Anyways, the kids are getting rowdy (V-Man is already out like a light) - so I better sign off and prep for the next video! :)
BIMU

A Side of Autism: New Eatery

I'm really not kidding when I say that "fine dining" with the V-Man is Chinese food take-out at home (as delivery options are mighty slim in our city), McDonald's or Hesburger.
Or if we're super lucky - a pizza buffet.
Point being - fast and immediate eating options preferred.

Last week I took V-Man on a "Mommy and me" lunch date and tried Subway.  I more or less got a foot-long of whatever I normally get (Subway Melt - hold the onions and tomatoes) and hoped for the best.
By "hope for the best", I hope for the following things:

• He sits still.
• He eats the sub.
• He doesn't throw it on the floor.
• He doesn't hate it.
• He doesn't run away repeatedly with sub in hand and making a mess all over the place.
• He doesn't smack his head out of impatience for having to wait in line for food.
• *Update (forgot to write this earlier): TEXTURE.  The toasted hot bun, the melted runny cheese, the cold meat and veggies, the crisp, the chewy - all of it - could be extremely overwhelming for someone on the spectrum or with a sensitive mouth!
• He doesn't scream.

V-Man handled the short line up (3 people ahead of us - short for me, long for him) and we sat down to eat and I think the hardest thing for him was to be able to hold the sub.  Remember - he's only 5 - so his hands aren't fully grown yet :D.

He sniffed it.  A Subway Melt with honey mustard and pepper on a honey and oat bread.

I'm glad to say this was a huge success and we've been back since and he ate every bite (of his half and then some of mine and the chips and then another rice cake and a granola bar while waiting for the bus after a quick twenty minutes grocery shopping trip).

Although the second time, he got a mouthful of jalapeno pepper and wasn't too pleased.  I held my breath and he waited for me to empty out those peppers and then he continued to chow down.
WHEW!

It's the little things and while there are some people who insist on staring at V-Man as he hops about and flaps his hands about making odd sounds - we still manage to have a nice time together.

So despite the scandal that Subway is facing regarding Subway Jared - I'm happy to have found a new place to eat that doesn't involve piles of grease and me feeling oh so guilty afterward. 

BIMU

PS Me bitching and complaining about the stares and whispers we get in public when spreading good ol' fashioned autism awareness is for another time. :)
But if you do see someone who is acting a bit odd and out of sorts (and they don't reek of booze), I recommend asking their caregiver what's going on or even better - if you can help.

A Side of Autism: Needles

I don't mind needles but I can't say the same for V-Man.
He has never enjoyed a single blood test or vaccine and I don't blame him.
His first big blood test around the time he was being diagnosed and tested for autism (when he was 2) was something straight out of a horror movie.
First of all, he was fighting and screaming without any needles near him. It was just the strap on his arm to help make his vein pop out a bit more.
Then it took three nurses plus me to hold him down and a fourth to get the blood.
He was 2.
It was a really crappy situation because the nurse wasn't quite experienced with super strong autistic children and the blood went everywhere (this is the horror story bit) - I mean spraying down his arm, into his lap, out and forward.
In the meantime, V-Man was thrashing about and tried biting me, clawing at my face and giving a nurse a few good kicks too.  We both left sobbing and I threatened SH that he better be doing these blood tests from now on.
He was 2.

Today I finally decided to suck it up and bring him in for some blood tests to see if he has lactose-intolerance or Celiac.
His regular doctor (she's a real twit-honestly!) doesn't seem to understand our frustration of having to change 8-12 crappy diapers a day. So every time V-Man had a doctor appointment with her, for the past 2 years- she continued to not take us seriously and kept recommending laxatives.  Which we tried but it didn't seem to make a difference.
Finally and recently, V-Man had his yearly assessment at the disability clinic and the doctor there suggested he gets these blood tests done.
Seeing as V-Man magically stopped drinking milk (dairy, soy, rice and oats-pretty much anything white) and doesn't like dairy products-she's leaning towards lactose intolerance.  And also a blood sample for Celiac too just in case.

So today I brought him downtown with his half a bagel and a fully charged cell phone and we went to the blood clinic downtown to only find out that it had moved.
After going up and down the wrong street - we finally found it and we didn't have to wait long.
We walked in and I immediately handed over his Kela card and advised the nurse that V-Man is autistic in Finnish and that we need another person to help me hold him down (in English).
She immediately went off and got someone - which was awesome she believed me (we've had situations before where it got messy - like the first test) - and we went to it.
I had V-Man in my lap and while I appreciate him flattening my thighs a little - after awhile we decided that it wasn't working.  I had Teletubbies on Youtube playing on my phone and to the side and out of his reach and still it wasn't distracting enough.
He was twisting and moving his shoulders and we had him sit in the chair himself and I held him back and into the seat from behind.  Then the other nurse held down his hands and arms.  The second nurse got into his vein and the blood flow wasn't as fast and he needed 3(!) vials of blood for these tests.
He started to wiggle (along with screaming and crying) and the needle was close to breaking - because it was bending at such a disgusting angle.
So they removed that, wiped up the blood and taped up his arm.
Onto arm 2!  We finally managed to get it all sorted and even though the first vial wasn't very full - I'm assuming it was just enough.

After what felt like the longest 15 minutes ever - he was done and we left.
After every appointment with him, we go for lunch and try to put the horror of a bad appointment behind us.
I just honestly don't know what we'll do when he's older!  He'll just get bigger and stronger - I'm predicting he'll be bigger and stronger than me and SH...
I guess I just need to be happy that his lactose test only involved 1 vial of blood - where mine involved several samples over a span of a few hours!

Oh well - at least it's done and over with!
Perhaps next time I should bring some wine and cheese for the nurses...I know I could've used a drink after!
BIMU

Travelling WITHOUT An Autistic Child

Yup - we did it.
Sorry for the delay - our modem died shortly before we went on vacation and once we got back - had to request a new one.  And I don't know about you lovely folks - but if I use my phone for blogging - I wouldn't make any sense at all.  (I have done it in the past and I spent a lot of time having to edit them so they make more sense in the end!)

So yeah....a 4-days long vacation without the V-Man!
I have only the slightest regret in not bringing him because we were staying with very dear friends of ours that he's known since A-Man was born (they were the baby-sitters for V-Man when it was time for us to rush off to the hospital) - and he would've had a blast at their place.

Do I really, truly regret not bringing V-Man?

No I don't.

Call me a horrible mother, call me a bitch, tell me it's not fair - I really don't mind.
And I'll tell you why.

A) This is our first time travelling outside of our city without the V-Man.  He has been to Estonia, Sweden, Paris, Canada and the UK (which was our last family trip - a pure nightmare and I was pregnant with M-Girl - so nearly 2 years ago!).  We haven't even gone to Tampere (1.5 hours away) as a family or Helsinki (3.5 hours away) either.

B) He's hated every single f-ing moment of the travelling bit.  The leaving of his home, our dogs (they never travel with us - we hook them up with wonderful doggy-sitters instead), his familiar environment and the potential ear popping - and let's not forget - time zone differences!
Even an hour rocks his world.
Maybe things will change when he gets older - I certainly hope so!

C) We don't have friends or family here that are able to handle the V-Man while we're able to go for vacation.  Or even for 1 night out of 365- like our anniversary as an example.
What we do have now - is the overnight care system (or "respite care" if you will) and while we've had it for awhile, we've been nervous about actually leaving the city or country to make use of him not being with us for 3 days.
Lately, he's had a longer stays - about a week long - and still - we didn't go anywhere!
Just. In. Case.
I've been studying, SH had pneumonia, M-Girl is currently cutting 2 teeth and I recently got back in touch with my biological mother!
Anyhow, where was I?  Right, so we finally decided that we would take a small vacation and fly from Helsinki to Copenhagen and stay in Malmö, Sweden with friends.

Now, let's tackle those possible things you might be thinking of us.

• Horrible parents: Going on a vacation for the first time without V-Man (and still bringing a teething child and a sensitive 3-year old) in nearly 6 years - I don't think it's a terrible thing.  Not like we have date nights weekly (never mind monthly) or we have grandparents for the kids to chill at for awhile here and there.  And the V-Man is 5 - he's not a newborn staying behind.
• But he's losing the oppourtunity to travel:  He hates travelling!  Why put him through torture (i.e. ears popping, time difference, loss of comfort and familiarity, strangers and different languages)?
• It's not fair - he's spending less time with you: I assure you - he gets more attention there at overnight care than he possibly can with us and the other two children in tow.  We do try our hardest to split up attention and special one-on-one time regularly.
• The way we've come to see it is that it's a break for everyone.  He gets a break from fighting with A-Man and listening to M-Girl scream (A-Man too) and he gets a break from odd and random schedules.  He's in a deep and strict routine there and we're not there to interrupt it.
• We get a break from him grabbing our chests, sniffing our pits and our bums (maybe he's imitating a dog?!), having to watch him every second of the day and we can go to have a date or take the kids out for dinner - where fast-food isn't entirely involved.

I had 1 friend ask me if it was fair to leave a child behind.  I'm assuming other friends think this too but haven't asked.

No - it's not 100% fair to do this.  But is it fair to drag (seriously) a child with non-verbal autism to various countries for the sake of giving "him an experience he'll remember"?  Maybe he will - fantastic!  And maybe those memories will be horrific for him.  And if we ever have to move abroad or travel together abroad - it'll just be a pure nightmare for him (everyone) all over again. 

In reflection of our first big trip without V-Man and with all the events that happened - here's why it wouldn't have gone well for him:

• About 3.5 hours train ride to Helsinki - no way to get out without probably being left behind.  He hasn't done this in about 2 years - who knows what the end results would've been.
• Our bus was stuck in traffic and we were quite stressed out about checking in on time.  V-Man can sense our stress and reacts whichever way he deems fit at that moment.  That can be a yay or a nay.
• He's been running away a lot lately - it's a game to be chased.  
• Now picture security check time...
• He's been bashing his head a lot.  Not only is this sad and frustrating - it's also severely embarrassing that we cannot do anything to comfort him in that moment.
• When we arrived to Copenhagen, our stroller did not.  We had to have it shipped to our friends' home or take the risk that it was on the following flight and wait nearly 1½ hours to get it.  
• We waited and thankfully got it.
• The Wi-Fi in Copenhagen's airport took ages to kick in - nearly an hour.  There's no way he'd be entertained without Youtube or rubbing chests or digging through random strangers' bags.
• It actually got dark in Malmö at night and that probably would've freaked him out.
• Time difference of 1 hour.
• On our way home - we opted to go to Copenhagen the day we were flying out and we rushed a lot here and there and it was so hot and sunny - loads of people were out and about.  We took a Hop On/Hop Off bus tour - who knows if he'd like it or not.  He likes buses in general - so perhaps!
• We also had to wait 20 minutes for the following bus to arrive to take us back to the center.
• On our way to the airport - not the first, nor the second but ALL 3 trains we sat on to take us from the city center to the airport advised in Danish and English that "the staff were not present on the train - so please have patience as we can't leave yet".  Train 3 clarified with "the staff are stuck in Sweden for some reason - we'll leave as soon as we can!"
• I was in tears after dragging our friends, our luggage and two tired children - one whom I was carrying - (imagine a third!) and a stroller on a horrible game of Musical Trains.
• We had less than an hour to get to final check-in.  Hence my tears.
• We ended up arriving and getting our baggage just as the last bus of the night was going back to our home.  No trains after 8pm - so we had to wait until 2am to get a bus.  
• That means definitely having to wake him up (and the others) and possibly trying to carry 2 children while pushing a stroller and carrying our (mostly carry-on) luggage.
• When we arrived in our city - because it was a weekend - the bus schedule was changed and we had to wait an hour for the first morning bus to take us home.  (We wanted to get back onto the saving money train and not take a cab.)

So I can happily say that I don't have very many regrets at all about this trip!  We got him presents of course and we took a lot of photos.

Knowing he was somewhere safe, comfortable and happy was our main concern and made travelling that much easier.  Especially considering the freak out with the final train ride to the airport!
It was liberating in a sense and we didn't have to stress about every tiny detail that could possibly upset him and therefor shortening our stay or skipping out on popular tourist attractions...
It was relaxing and isn't that what a vacation is SUPPOSED to be?

I'm not saying we plan to have a mini vacation every time he goes there - but perhaps once or twice a year never hurt anyone.

I do apologize if some of this post comes off as repeatitive - but I'm watching an episode (the final one!) of Agent Carter and chatting with friends online.
Can you tell we haven't had internet at home in awhile? :)

Have a lovely day,

BIMU

A Side Of Autism: Can He Have Some Boobs With That??

Yes you read the title correctly and no, we didn't take the V-Man to a strip club.
Today is officially day 2 of summer vacation (this was written on the 20th of June) and I did a lot of shouting. The weather looked promising and we tried to go on a family hike with the dogs and nope. V-Man was not having it. He wanted to go on the bus.
Today is Mid Summer in Finland...no bus on this holiday!
We tried letting him pick the route but after thirty minutes (or was it only 15?) - I gave up and told him we are taking Loki and A-Man home. He seemed thrilled until we walked past the bus stop.
Some more screaming - from him- which would've been fine by me if he wasn't accompanying those screams with threats to bite us and break our fingers...oh and slapping his right side of his head so hard he now has a large purple bruise there.

Anyway the rest of the day the kids were squirrely and we didn't know what to do. It rained on and off and now it's pouring out and there was some thunder (they're asleep so I guess it's moot now) - but we survived the day.
I assure you there was a lot of shouting today.

One of V-Man's interests/super annoying things he does - is rub boobs.  Specifically - nipples!
Mine, yours, male or female- big or small- it doesn't matter.
Teacher, stranger, parents, friends - pretty much any adult will do!
And I get it- he has gets a reaction out of people and the more they dislike it (aka me) the more of a challenge it becomes.  How fun!
Also, with male boobs-they typically don't wear bras and that means instant cause and effect -if you know what I mean.
Women who wear padded bras are just a bump in the road or a challenge to him.  Again - how fun!

And if I haven't said it already-this boob rushing annoys the dear f*ck out of me.
And if you're wondering if he was breastfed long enough, I assure you - he's never had formula (except possibly at the hospital after birth) and he was nursed until he was 14 months old.

This boob rubbing/grabbing phase comes and goes and as of about a week ago-it's back-full on.
I just really hope it doesn't stick around - or else this could be incredibly awkward!!
(And I totally hear jail time...)

I recall taking him to the beach when he was about three-years old with little A-Man and V-Man ran away from me to go sit in some young guy's lap and caress his nipples.
I was of course, mortified, alone (SH was abroad at a conference) and stuck in the sand with our stroller.
The guy took it well until V-Man was really rubbing that poor guy's chest and trying to sneak some beer from his can.

I'm just at a loss of what to do to stop this behaviour. I can shout and slap his hand away until the cows come home...I can wear a thick coat (done this before) all summer or until this phase ends...or let him do it. And I'd rather not. Because while I'm comfortable with my body's shape and I know my son doesn't mean his personal masseuse sessions as sexual - someone might, later on down the road.
So it'd be nice to nip it in the bosom (ha ha ha)...and move on to the next confusing/inappropriate/mind blowing phase that he has stored up for us...
And yes - he's sniffs bums sometimes.

Ciao for now!
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Dogs

I don't give my dogs enough credit at times and it's not because they don't deserve it but because life with three kids in the household can be pretty hectic most of the time and I finally have something to write about for this blog!
A friend just sent me this video (link via Facebook page) and it shows a tall teenage autistic boy having a meltdown.  For whatever the reason, this young man is super upset - crying, hurting himself - it was hard to watch for the first time because it's what I have in my home but in a 5-year old format.
But I encourage you to watch it because his dog recognized that meltdown and the frustration building up with every slap and that dog worked calmly and flawlessly to calm the young man down and redirect his attention onto themselves (the dog).
Freaking brilliant!  That dog deserves a billion squeaky toys and awesome bones and endless belly rubs.

Now let's talk about the dogs I have.

I have a newly-minted 12-year old ½ Labrador and ½ Border Collie named Blue.
Blue loves food, attention, cuddles and being the boss.
He hates walking in the pouring rain, getting caught doing something wrong (i.e. stealing food) and being put on time out (extremely rare!).
He also love babies - there's nothing more precious than seeing him with a newborn.  He absolutely adores them and loves watching them and sniffing them and gives the sweetest and tiniest kisses possible.
He has been my rock through post-delivery healing after having V-Man (which included 15 stitches and 6-months of difficulty moving around and using the bathroom).

Loki is my 7.5-year old Husky mix.
Loki is named appropriately as he looked like a joker when he came to our home - ginormous paws, scrawny legs, tiny body and could barely walk up and down the stairs because he was more of a tumbler instead.  Instead of being about 40-pounds-ish - he's more like 70.
He also adores babies, usually is the cause of some spontaneous interior designing (aka dig through the garbage when we forget to close the kitchen door), has destroyed several things (list in the PS) and has endless patience with our 3 children.

How do my dogs affect the V-Man?
Blue and V-Man have some sort of strange agreement about sharing the sofa.  Blue will move over so V-Man can sit with him and sometimes he wraps his legs so they hang over Blue's side and sometimes V-Man pets him gently.  V-Man has been learning how to pet and rub the dogs ears and back of their necks and sometimes their backs when he walks in the door.
There hasn't been any sign of aggression between V-Man and either dog.
And yes, occasionally when V-Man is upset - the dogs circle around him or near him to try and distract him and sometimes it works.  Or sometimes V-Man has food in his hands and they're pretending to care. :)

Loki is usually the first one to the door when we walk in.  I've noticed (and have yet been able to capture a photo because my hands are full with a booster seat, keys and his backpack) that V-Man calmly walks inside, takes in his surroundings and trails his fingers along the dog's back while walking down the hall.  Kind of like how one would trail their fingers along piano keys or other familiar surroundings.
Then he goes to see if I have started his favourite movie (or not) and returns to remove his shoes and coat.
That's the first ten seconds of our usual routine when he gets inside.
V-Man has also managed to get over the hurdle of going downstairs and coming back upstairs when going to and from day-care via taxi.
A huge thanks to Loki for that one!  We no longer bring Loki with us to take V-Man to the waiting taxi or to pick him up in the afternoon.

In fact, V-Man seems to want to go hiking but only if the dogs are going.
He just had a tube put inside of his ear (the other one is still secure and they checked - nothing else up his nose!) and when he got home and fed - he wanted to go outside.  But he wouldn't budge out the door until he saw SH pull down the leashes and clip them onto the dogs' collars.
This is a huge improvement, compared to last year where hiking involved a lot of intense screaming and fighting!
He's a super strong kid - so we would like to avoid as much fighting as possible!

For awhile when we were first teaching him to sleep in his bed alone, Loki would curl up at the foot of the bed and the rhythmic breathing - along with the Alphabet game - would help V-Man sleep faster!

Anyway, my exams are finally done and I have a presentation tomorrow and a potluck the following day.
Then summer vacation begins!!  For 6 weeks.
I'll try to pump out as many blog posts as I can - as I do have some quite exciting news for you! (Not pregnant - so let's get that out of the way now.)  And when I start classes again at the end of July - they'll be quite intensive - so I'll be trying hard to make up for all the lost time I had this past semester!

Cheers,
BIMU

PS Things that Loki has destroyed (mostly) as a puppy:

• Asthma inhaler Symbicort which contains steroids
• Cell phone charger - while it was plugged in.  Half his face looked like it was melting.
• Antique sofa legs (wooden) and respective sofa's cushions.
• Kong on a Rope toy - he managed to pass that out.
• Various books - both ours and the university library.
• Stationary
• Stuffed toys (not his).
• Pencils, erasers, pens, purses and shoes
• The list goes on...

A Side of Autism: To Chew or Not To Chew (& USB Ports)

I have absolutely no idea at what age a child is capable of understanding, "This is gum.  Chew it - keep chewing it....but don't swallow it."
A-Man is 3 and hasn't had a piece yet and V-Man (5-years old) has been obsessed lately with USB ports as of recently and trying to get into my bags of gum.
I've caught V-Man once with a piece of gum in his mouth and another en route to his right nostril.
So I removed both pieces and didn't try it again.

Then a couple days ago, he was in my purse and yanking my gum out and trying fiercely to open the zip-lock style bag to get some gum.
I was rushing about packing his stuff for overnight care and on our way out the door, as a treat for his patience - I gave him a piece of gum.
He looked shocked and watched me slip a piece into my mouth, put the bag of gum away and we were off!
It's about a fifteen-minutes walk to overnight care and every thirty seconds or so - I tried to look at his jaw line and his mouth to see if he was still chewing.
"Keep chewing!...Don't swallow it ok!  Keep chewing!  Good job!"
I'm sure anyone looking at us and hearing me cheering V-Man on for chewing gum thought I was one of those crazy overprotective mothers.
You know what?  He did it.  He lasted from our front door to their front door and inside.

Then the gum was gone while I was talking to the care-giver there about his up-coming tubes surgery (round 2) and that's when I had a mild freak out.

Alright, it was bound to get swallowed.  The flavour doesn't last long - it's why I take 2 pieces anyhow - so I can't blame him.

But then we found it!

My 5-year old V-Man smelled dinner was ready and decided to kindly dispose of his chewed up, stringy gum on the counter.  And not just ANY counter but the kitchen counter, where the respite care's scheduling book is...all over that.  Yep.  That's my boy.
Everyone was cool with it and we were just glad it wasn't in anyone's diaper, hair or being choked on!

Oh right, before I end this post - V-Man has been obsessed with USB ports and USB cords.  Usually the cords are my chargers for my phone, my Polar Loop watch and my external battery charger for my phone.
Just in general - pushing buttons on remotes, swiping phone screens and plugging and un-plugging my phone has been the equivalent of a room full of toys for a kid.  And he's figuring out how to use a mouse and a keyboard...there doesn't seem to be any intent with his fiddling about (other than space bar while watching Youtube - he knows it stops it!).

SH was getting constantly angry and I decided to do something about it.  Because he was fitting them in properly but he was constantly doing it and we were worried he was going to break something.
So I bought him a little 4-plug USB port and he was thrilled.  I had a broken iPhone charge cord so he has that and is super content.
I know - not your typical 5-year old's typical toy and probably not even on their wish list...but if it makes him happy and exercises his brain as well (and doesn't hurt anyone) - then why not?

I think the big and sometimes the hardest lesson with a non-verbal autistic child who seems to be showing some talents, in what can be coming off as the most annoying ways - is we need to fulfill those interests in the most positive way possible.  And of course still ensure there's nothing (or body) broken and that there's still guidelines in place.

Quite often the first words out of our mouths when it comes to V-Man climbing or getting into something he shouldn't...is "No."
"No."
"Don't do that."  
"Get down."
And in their five billion other formats and similar side-cousin versions of "no".
However I'm learning quickly that "No" = He's going to do it anyway. = Repetition of "No" = frustration because he's not listening.

So I'm trying to find quick solutions that prevent us from sounding like broken record parents and drops the "No" to "Nope pal - let's try this...you can do this...YES."
It certainly isn't easy to say "yes" (or possible) all the time or to find a satisfying alternative for HIM so we can still prevent meltdowns and frustration from both parties.
I think "No" is something that was also drilled into our heads as children and it's also a word that encases love and care (no matter what way you say it) because you don't want the child to hurt themselves or others.

Anyway, we're working on it.  And this summer he seems to be interested in hiking again!  Which is a huge relief because we live in Finland - and there are loads of woods to hike about in and the last two summers he hated it.
This summer, he seems to enjoy it a lot more and seems to want to go out in the woods and even walks Loki with a leash!

I know it might seem hard and probably seems crazy - but all y'all special needs parents - try saying "Okay" or "Yes" every now and again.  For us - it's been alright.
Cheers and good luck!
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Appointment & Orange Boogers

Today I took the day off because V-Man had an ear specialist appointment that is necessary prior to him getting ear tubes again.
Of course he fought a lot and I had mentioned that about a month ago, I had to take V-Man to the hospital due to a possible broken nose - courtesy of A-Man and Mr. Hulk.
The swelling had never gone down completely - so the doctor could tell right away that V-Man wasn't breathing through his nose properly and tried looking up his nostrils.
The left one was clear but the right one, where most of the hit had taken place - was blocked.

"We're going to need to take a biopsy - there's a mass in there."

Well punch me in the friggin' guts - CANCER.  I'm internally freaking out and trying to remain calm and responded with, "What?"

She wanted another doctor's opinion and after a few minutes, doctor lady #2 came in and they found some long handled skinny enough tweezers to get up in there and the first grab was a bit of blood and tissue.
Yuck.

The second grab proved to be much more successful.

Apparently in Finland there's a saying, when you're annoyed you shove peas up your nose.
This is not a pea.

It was obvious that neither doctor or the nurse present knew what this was.

At first - because we saw the blackened side first - I thought it was a piece of Chinese sausage.

Then I screamed, "CARROT?!" once it was flipped over and I saw orange.

And he definitely has an infection up in there but it should clear up now that some rabbit food has been removed.

I tried REALLY hard to not laugh and keep a straight face - but the looks on THEIR faces was purely entertaining as I don't think they've ever pulled a chunk of carrot out of a kid's nose before.

My 5-year old had a chunk of a carrot about the size of a 2€ coin shoved up his right nostril for about a month.

Considering he's never, EVER put stuff up his nose before (other than a finger and that's fairly recent) - I was shocked.

They looked over it some more and I took my phone away from V-Man and apologized to the doctor but told her, "I need a photo of this.  My husband would never believe me....and this is SO going on Facebook and Instagram..."

So yeah!  Orange boogers.

They looked at me and asked if I could smell how rotten it was - and I said nope.  Thank you flu for SOMETHING!

So we decided that we'll wait for the appointment time in the mail - about getting the tubes surgery again and they said it would be best to take advantage of his sedation and take a look into his nose because "there could be more that we can't see right now".

Good grief - he probably has the makes of a salad poking up there!

BIMU

PS I just called SH and told him and that a photo was on the way and he laughed and said, "We'll have to apologize to A-Man now for thinking he broke his brother's nose!"