Talking With a 3-Year Old

M-Girl is now 3 and she's doing great. She's growing, speaking more and in general- is a pretty awesome kid.
She's finally stopped sucking her fingers too finally!!!
With that said, she still hasn't left her "Terrible 2's" entirely yet but at least she compensates for those nasty mood swings with funny chats.

Whenever it's "shark week" - M-Girl loves to ask about periods.
She understands the term "bleeding" because she's bashed her fingers and knees so many times (along with biting her brothers occasionally!), plus she has a book about the human body and we talked about being careful so she doesn't get too hurt and that bleeding from a cut is normal.

Of course, during my last "shark week" - she burst into the bathroom and questioned everything.

"What's this?"
"A pad."
"It's a band aid?"
"Yeah something like that..."
"You bweed (bleed)?"
"Yes."
"You hurt?"
"Nah I'm okay. You will get this when you're older!"
"When I'm 6?!"
"No. When you're 13 or so..."
"It's a sticker for your under-vare? (Underwear)"
"Yes exactly."
"You bweed (bleed) out your China (vagina)?!"
"Yes sometimes. I'm okay!"
"Ahhh ok."

And then she left and I could finally finish up my bathroom break alone.

I had debated on whether or not to have some version of a puberty chat with her (and the boys) but she seems to have a lot of interest in herself and the human body in general.  So I didn't really have to think about it.
I saw no harm in telling her the bare basics.

Sure, I could've locked the door but she has a habit of banging the door down until we open it - that or she's already in the bathroom...and she simply doesn't give AF what you're doing - she just wants to hang out.

And seeing as I'm a woman and the shark weeks are still going to be a part of my life for the next many years - and PIC is probably not entirely comfortable with talking about it to her (he lacks experience from a female perspective) I may as well prepare her and she'll just be better prepared.

But at least she's aware that in about ten years or so - her nasty mood swings will be a  bit more justified and she and I can discuss cups versus tampons versus pads (aka band-aids/"stickers for under-vare").

BIMU

PS/Disclaimer:
I highly doubt I'll be the mother that tosses her kid a "First Period" or "Aunty Flo's Here!" party.  That would just make it super awkward for everyone.
I learned about puberty and sex ed in elementary school around the age of 11.  We had a school nurse come in to go over the basics, saw some videos and I felt I was quite well informed back in the 90's.
Things and times have changed - but I think it's important to have sex ed in school.
There's a variety of slang and terms these days that did not come across my ears when I was 11!!

I would rather my kids are aware of what they are capable of doing and contracting from having sex at any age and I think making sex "taboo" just increases risks of teen pregnancy, rape and STD's.
But this is entirely based on my opinion and based on my experience as a kid - I would want to have a more open relationship with my kids about these kinds of "sensitive" topics.

Of course she's only 3 and she'll probably forget ever having this chat.  But seeing as she asks me every month what's going on - I'm guessing it'll be fairly permanent eventually!

The Other Kids

It is so easy to get wrapped up in the lives of the special needs kiddos in our life that we often forget that the others need just as much attention usually.

This was confirmed for me when I was scrolling through the Whisper app and read a whisper about a young person who was frustrated her special needs sibling got more attention than her (she being neurotypical).

This is how our conversation went (including any typos):
And written with her permission anonymously!

Her whisper was:

"I have a brother with special needs and i hate him! Why?
Because when i was in 5th grade my parents found out, and i ceased to exist, i pretty much became a maid to my family.  I feel so worthless :( "

In which, I responded with:

"I'm so sorry.  I'm a mom of 3 kids, 2/3 have special needs and I try so hard to spend time with each kid."

Shortly after, I received a chat message from her and her profile showed that she was 15-17 years old.

"Your doing good then.   MY parents only focus on him and forget me and my other brother and that's where they went wrong! As long as you try that is what matters.  It's when you stop trying, that is when there will be problems!"

"Thank you. I try!"

"Well good luck and more importantly love a lot.  For kids that can go a long way.  I just wish my parents knew that and if I can help other parents than it's worth it.  Have fun!:) "

"Thank you so much for sharing your whisper."

"Your welcome.  And let's just say I needed to let it out and this was the place I could think of."

"I agree.  My oldest is nonverbal autistic and my second kid has visual learning/SLI."

"My brother is ADD, ADHA, has Bipolar disorder, some form of Autism and a few other disorders.  I can't remember so life at home can be quite difficult.  I love him but at the same time I resent the fact that my emotional needs are neglected because of him.  So I try my best to take care of my youngest brother's needs.  And it's not always easy."

"Of course not! Wow."

We exchanged some more small pleasantries and she gave me permission to post this in verbatim on this blog - in a way of sharing her story - in the hopes to assist other parents who my often get tied up in their kids' therapies, emotional roller coasters and different upbringings.

I know I'm not perfect and I know it's not easy raising a kid that can't speak, won't use the toilet and the list goes on...

But what I do try to do is spend time with each kid throughout the week and evenly on the weekends to ensure that they don't hate my guts when they're older.
I try my hardest to treat the V-Man as equally as the others - especially when it comes to teaching him patience, kindness, manners and basic common sense.

I hope this post helps other parents realize that while their kids (regardless of age) may act like everything is okay - perhaps a lesson in maturity that's too early for them - they still need you. Whether they act like it or not.

And dear "other kids in the family" - you are loved.  You are strong and you are brave.
You're amazing.

BIMU

A Side of Autism: Then and Now

Today I had a date with the V-Man.  I try to have a date of some kind with each child during the week - usually weekends are best for these things - so they feel special and I try to talk things over that happened during the week with them too.

We left his siblings to nap (as they were up at 4-f*cking-30) and we went to our local grocery store - which conveniently, has a Subway.
We sat down and every time we go out to eat, I have to prepare mentally for a few things:

• That there will be a line.  He hates waiting in lines but refuses to walk around and come back. 
• That means meltdowns.
• That he's going to strip at the table.  Typically he takes his coat, sweater, shoes and socks off...
• That he's going to make a mess.  He actually is the neatest eater out of the three - but keep reading...
• That he'll wipe grease or sauce and crumbs all over his head.

Today we got lucky.  No line up.

He sat down nicely, didn't strip (probably helps he's in a 1-piece snowsuit) and used a napkin!

He also lost a tooth - and seemed thrilled - I can't blame him because it's lucky number 7 and he's been popping them out for weeks.

I guess the biggest things I've noticed is that again, he's changed within the last year and a half.

How so?

• He doesn't always hold my hand when we are out together.  He used to - to the point that I had a hard time letting his hand go because one hand would be pulling the shopping basket on wheels and the other would be tightly gripped by him.
• I don't know if this is a form of imitating his siblings or if he realized our trust has increased and he's 7.
• He also knows we will end up back home at the end of the day.
• He doesn't run away.  He seems to know his limits - and ours - and comes back when he knows it's time to.
• He also stays away from the roads.
• He doesn't rip open packages of food at the grocery store...this was embarrassing and for a few months - I refused to take him grocery shopping with me because I don't have the strength to deal with a kid who would run off, fill the basket with 2-5 packages of junk food and begin to rip them open before we got to the cash register.
• He's incredibly helpful.  He absolutely loves doing chores - I suppose because he's autism - it's the regular routine of it.  Everything has a place and everything has a schedule.
• He's reaching out to his siblings.  His idea of playing and theirs differ greatly in comparison but he is trying.  They don't get it - they don't understand autism really - but the bigger deal is that he's trying.
• He understands more.  He loves to point at things and look us in the eye and we have to say what the item is.  It was a tad annoying for awhile because he would point at a water bottle twenty plus times in a row and we were expected to say it out loud repeatedly.  BUT! I've noticed I can say longer sentences to him now - and he smiles.  
• This makes it so much easier when we have to go a different direction or eat somewhere he's not used to.
• Due to him understanding more - there's less tantrums and meltdowns.  Of course if someone doesn't understand you and you couldn't say "in their language" what you needed or how you felt - you'd freak out.  
• We trust each other more.  Of course it takes time to trust a non-verbal person and to trust a person with a voice - but we're getting there.

I think that's pretty much it for now.

Until next time,

BIMU