A Side of Autism: The #NightLightGate

Something we never had to deal with before is our kids being afraid of the dark.
Until about a month ago - I was crashing on the sofa and noticed a light was on coming from the kids room.

I walked in and saw A-Man was asleep, M-Girl was in the "big bed" with her dad and V-Man was in bed falling asleep.
So who turned on the light?!

I was assuming it was A-Man because he had done it in the past and usually it involved waking up his sister to play.  But she was sound asleep with her dad and A-Man was snoring - even with the light on!

I shut off the light and immediately heard a whiny groan from the V-Man.

A quick look at my cell phone confirmed every parent's worst nightmare - it wasn't even 4am.  It's going to be a long f*cking day.

So he immediately jumped out of bed and turned the light back on and crawled back in bed.  V-Man pulled his blanket up over his head and that was it.

I adjusted the settings to my phone so the auto time-out on my phone would last for 10 minutes and I laid down in A-Man's bed nearby and tapped my screen so V-Man had some light.

It worked, he settled down and after an hour of tapping my phone whenever he woke up whining - he finally crashed.

The next day I shared this thought that perhaps the V-Man was scared of the dark.
PIC thought I was kidding - until I snapped due to lack of sleep.

Here's his argument:

1. He falls asleep in the dark.
2. It's dark all night in their room as they have thick, dark curtains - so it couldn't be the sunlight bothering him. (In Finland it gets bright very early during the summer months!)
3. Perhaps he woke up from a nightmare.
4. He's never been scared of the dark before - so why start now?
5. He is falling back asleep not because of my cell phone lighting but because of my presence.

So I whipped out my phone and went on the Whisper app and asked if it was possible for an autistic child to suddenly have a fear of the dark out of nowhere and what to do about it.

Someone autistic wrote back within minutes stating she's also afraid of the dark, never was before and a nightlight and a stuffed toy (if the V-Man's into them) should do the trick.

I told the PIC that I was going to buy a nightlight.

*Cue - biggest petty argument ever.

His reasons for not getting a nightlight:

1. It's a waste of money if it doesn't work.
2. He doesn't need one because he's "not scared of the dark..."
3. I need to stop spending money on things not being used.
4. Then he'll be dependent on the nightlight and the other kids aren't.
5. It was probably just a one-off kind of night.

I stared at PIC for a moment and decided - F-it - I am getting one.
I did the reasonable thing and waited to see what would happen the next night - lo and behold - the exact same thing happened before 4am.

I was a bit better prepared and made sure to nap a couple hours before dog-walking - so this way, the early wake-up wouldn't hurt so much.

After my experiment (as short as it may have been) - I battled back my arguments for getting a nightlight:

1. V-Man uses melatonin to fall asleep.  I've tried it once and it's quite hard to fight sleep once you've taken it.
2. I'm the one waking up - sure I could let V-Man sleep with the light on but it's a waste of electricity and I don't want to risk the other kids waking up.  I'm nasty when I don't get enough sleep - as pathetic as that sounds.
3. It's not a waste of money if it works.
4. We can wean a kid off a nightlight.
5. He crawls back to his bed to sleep.
6. If he had a nightmare - wouldn't he whine or cry?  He's absolutely silent when he turns the lights on.
7. My presence has nothing to do with it because it's just the light.  I'm not in the room when he turns the light on and crawls back in bed.

I bought a little nightlight and waited.

Third night in a row and he woke up between 2-4am and I quietly shut off the light and plugged in the nightlight.  It was a rotating one - so I pointed it downwards so it emitted a soft light in the room without flooding the whole room with light - and poof.  V-Man quieted and fell asleep.

So my new routine is putting the nightlight when I get back from walking the dogs - and we haven't had any issues since.

Now that I've moved out, I'm sure the nightlight doesn't get used all the time - but if the V-Man needs it - there is one available.

Naturally, PIC won't agree I was actually right about something and is probably still in denial about having a kid being magically afraid of the dark (last discussion about this - his response was simply "you've got him needing light now"...*eye roll) - but the main point is that everyone gets their much needed sleep and V-Man feels safe.

BIMU

PS Overnight care confirmed he needed a nightlight well before we got one ourselves - for some reason that information just never got to us....so another point for me! ;)

Update 30.5.2017: Nobody has needed the nightlight in a few days! :D  So perhaps it was just a phase.

A Side of Autism: Then and Now

Today I had a date with the V-Man.  I try to have a date of some kind with each child during the week - usually weekends are best for these things - so they feel special and I try to talk things over that happened during the week with them too.

We left his siblings to nap (as they were up at 4-f*cking-30) and we went to our local grocery store - which conveniently, has a Subway.
We sat down and every time we go out to eat, I have to prepare mentally for a few things:

• That there will be a line.  He hates waiting in lines but refuses to walk around and come back. 
• That means meltdowns.
• That he's going to strip at the table.  Typically he takes his coat, sweater, shoes and socks off...
• That he's going to make a mess.  He actually is the neatest eater out of the three - but keep reading...
• That he'll wipe grease or sauce and crumbs all over his head.

Today we got lucky.  No line up.

He sat down nicely, didn't strip (probably helps he's in a 1-piece snowsuit) and used a napkin!

He also lost a tooth - and seemed thrilled - I can't blame him because it's lucky number 7 and he's been popping them out for weeks.

I guess the biggest things I've noticed is that again, he's changed within the last year and a half.

How so?

• He doesn't always hold my hand when we are out together.  He used to - to the point that I had a hard time letting his hand go because one hand would be pulling the shopping basket on wheels and the other would be tightly gripped by him.
• I don't know if this is a form of imitating his siblings or if he realized our trust has increased and he's 7.
• He also knows we will end up back home at the end of the day.
• He doesn't run away.  He seems to know his limits - and ours - and comes back when he knows it's time to.
• He also stays away from the roads.
• He doesn't rip open packages of food at the grocery store...this was embarrassing and for a few months - I refused to take him grocery shopping with me because I don't have the strength to deal with a kid who would run off, fill the basket with 2-5 packages of junk food and begin to rip them open before we got to the cash register.
• He's incredibly helpful.  He absolutely loves doing chores - I suppose because he's autism - it's the regular routine of it.  Everything has a place and everything has a schedule.
• He's reaching out to his siblings.  His idea of playing and theirs differ greatly in comparison but he is trying.  They don't get it - they don't understand autism really - but the bigger deal is that he's trying.
• He understands more.  He loves to point at things and look us in the eye and we have to say what the item is.  It was a tad annoying for awhile because he would point at a water bottle twenty plus times in a row and we were expected to say it out loud repeatedly.  BUT! I've noticed I can say longer sentences to him now - and he smiles.  
• This makes it so much easier when we have to go a different direction or eat somewhere he's not used to.
• Due to him understanding more - there's less tantrums and meltdowns.  Of course if someone doesn't understand you and you couldn't say "in their language" what you needed or how you felt - you'd freak out.  
• We trust each other more.  Of course it takes time to trust a non-verbal person and to trust a person with a voice - but we're getting there.

I think that's pretty much it for now.

Until next time,

BIMU

A Side of Autism: Future Grandkids

We have these great friends that come over weekly for dinner - a little less frequently now because of work schedules - but anyway, they give us adults the chance to act like adults (with kids) and we are able to chat away and the usual topic always involves what we did with the kids.

Naturally, it's hard to NOT talk about the kids when they're in the same room or bouncing off the sofa nearby!

A couple weeks ago, my friend C asked me,

"Do you ever think of the V-Man having kids?"

I was thankfully sitting down and whispered that I do think about it all the time.  (Not ALL the time - but every now and again!)
This somewhat surprised my friend and I explained:

As a mother of a special needs kid - with no way of knowing his future developments or skills, I constantly stress about what will happen when me and the PIC (partner in crime) are gone.

• Who will take care of the V-Man?
• Is it fair to assume or ask his siblings to step up to the plate?
• Will they?
• What about THEIR own family?
• What about our younger siblings? 
• It's not fair for me to ask my half sisters to help their nephew - they they may never meet (depending where we all live) and if they're still in the USA - then no.
  Nothing against the USA - but the medical bills are crazy expensive and the horror stories I hear about disabled people getting hurt by law enforcement that aren't properly trained to recognize (or refuse to) disabilities scares me.
• Will we live in a country that cares about people with special needs?
• Will he have a job?
• Will he be able to afford a basic but comfortable lifestyle with assistance?
• Will he be independent enough?
• Will he ever fall in love?

(By this point - I'm in tears.  Like "Holy sh*t I can't stop crying and now - the f*cking snot is running out of my nose like there's a zombie apocalypse to escape from in my sinuses...)

I worry that V-Man will be left behind - alone, scared, unable to speak.

I worry that he'll never know what it's like to fall in love with someone.  I do not care if it's a man or a woman.

I worry that maybe he'll never find someone that truly loves him for WHO he is - AS he is.  When you "forget" he has autism and doesn't speak or act like the younger two - he's an amazing kid.  Of course, he's an awesome kid for having autism - but let's be honest, autism isn't exactly my favourite thing 24/7 - especially PRE-diagnosis...and when it comes to big things like doctor appointments or travelling/moving...

(I'm not saying I "HATE" autism - I don't.  I have a love/dislike relationship with it and when the going gets tough with him and us - especially when he was younger - it was more of an extremely dislike - borderline 'hate' session for the day.)

I worry this potential partner or spouse will abuse him - whether it's physical, emotional or straight up neglect.  He deserves the best - and I want him to be with someone that'll care about him as much as we do.

I'm curious (but I don't worry about this much) if he will ever be able to experience a safe, sexual relationship with someone.  

(Let's be realistic for a second here on why I'm saying that.  I'm not trying to come off as perverted in saying I think about my kids' future - way down the road when they're consenting adults - safe sex lives.  Most people in the world - get to experience that (hopefully positively and with proper consent and safely) - and I don't think that someone with special needs should be excluded from that list unless it was a danger to their health or someone else.  And if the original question is about him having kids - there's one main typical way to make/have them...So....time to get the elephant out of the room!)

I'm realistic in thinking that I will most likely NOT have any grandchildren to help raise from the V-Man.  Maybe all 3 kids will torture us and not have any kids at all.  (Which would really suck because PIC and I already have plans on spoiling the grand kids to pay them back for their trouble-making ways as they grow up! :P )

But I would absolutely love and cherish any of the V-Man's pets if he has one and is responsible enough to take care of one.

A grand-fish baby or a grand-puppy/kitty - I'm so there.

I don't do worms - nasty phobia - sorry.  But anything else is alright.

I worry all the time about the V-Man the most because he's the most vulnerable and yet, the strongest of my three.

Mentally, he must be exhausted trying to find some control in his physical movements and speech attempts - never mind trying to understand us and figure out how to do something as simple as playing.

(His current definition of playing with M-Girl is shutting her in the bathroom and sometimes in the dark if he's feeling giddy.)

As a parent, it's extremely frustrating to know that I have no way of predicting the V-Man's future.

With a neuro-typical kid - you can guide them and help them out with making choices about clothes, friends to hang out with (or avoid), colleges to apply to and so on.

You know that unless there's extreme circumstances - your kid most likely won't relapse and suddenly become mute or unable to use a toilet or unable to communicate at all.

I worry about ALL of these things and more - and he's only 1/3 kids!

But I'm just trying to teach him to be the best he can be, pushing his limits occasionally and to be a nice person.

I know if I worry constantly (what parent doesn't?!) - I'll miss seeing him grow up.

I'll try and make a video about this - but most likely I'll be a snotty tear-soaked mess mid-way.

But these - are some of the very sad and terrifying realities of worries that a special needs parent go through on an everyday basis...

And it could always be worse given different situations.

Thanks for reading and thanks to C for asking me the bold question.
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Lack of Decor

The holidays are quickly approaching and you would never know looking in our household.

Every year since V-Man was 2, I have drawn a tree on the glass window of the balcony door or balcony window with snowflakes, an angel and lights etc.

Why? I honestly cannot be bothered to go buy a real tree and have to deal with the possibility of allergies (I don't think I have any - but I don't want to find out 20€+ later), watering it, needles everywhere and the inevitable - kids yanking it down and breaking ornaments or lights in their mouths etc.
As for plastic or fake trees - they're lovely and all - but can still be knocked down repeatedly.

It's hard to get into the spirit of the holidays I suppose - but I rely on the fresh snow outside and my sanity being rather calm and happy because I don't have to keep an extra set of ears/eyes/hands on the kids while I try to do anything and everything.
(Not saying the Hubster doesn't help - he totally does!!  I just mean if he happens to be in the bathroom or out with the dogs - then it's a temporary solo parenting job.)

That and I'm sure my neighbourhood appreciates me not yelling my head off every thirty seconds - if we did have a proper any kind of fake/real tree/decorations for the kids to tear down repeatedly.

However, this year - there's a new shop downtown (the same place where I got his YES and NO buttons) and they have some cute tree alternatives.
There is a little glass Christmas tree that I am thinking of getting and putting out ONLY on Christmas Day morning for present opening.

Of course we have stockings for the kiddos and that's that.
We will probably have our friends over for Christmas dinner again, as we have had in the past - and that's always super fun!  We all end up with super sore tummies from eating so much but that's the joy of the holidays for me.

We do try and catch up with family and friends back in Canada - but of course, Skype usually crashes those days because everyone is trying to reach back home.

As for the kids:

V-Man doesn't get Christmas - as far as we can tell.  He doesn't care about the Santa walking around the grocery store or at the Christmas markets (because he refuses to go to those) and I'm not sure if we will wrap presents this year or just put them in individual big boxes (or reusable shopping bags) for the kids to haul out.

I kind of feel bad wasting wrapping paper and tape...although, I do love wrapping gifts! HA!

A-Man remembers Christmas.  He talked about it for around a week after last year's and this year he has already asked about it!!

M-Girl kind of tags along with whatever A-Man says and whether or not she "gets it" - we shall find out.  She mimics him a lot and repeats things he says as well.  So it's kind of difficult to tell if she has her own true and real opinions yet or if they're just copied off of a particular big brother.

I guess the biggest adjustment for the holiday season is no day-care.  We could put the kids in one but then we would have to do a lot of running about and it's nice to have the kids home and try to remember to NOT nap the whole break (I mean me).

I guess the point of this lengthy post is:

• Don't sweat the small or big stuff.  Trust me - two years ago,  the Hubster went and broke the bathroom sink (massive chunk out of it) 5 minutes before our guests walked into the door.  6 adults and 5 kids...and no usable bathroom sink....and of course my kitchen sink was overflowing with pots and pans!
• It can always be worse.  It's my go-to philosophy.  Kids are hyped up on sugar?  Kids won't sleep because of Santa coming?  It's okay - they make wine for a reason.
• Sleep when you can.  I get you - trust me.  My kids have been waking up for the past few MONTHS between 4:30-6am (including summer holidays).  
• It's almost over.  I love the holiday season as much as the next person - and while I look forward to it - I also look forward to it being over too!

The main thing is that everyone has a safe and happy (as possible) holiday season.

Cheers!
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Surviving Summer & Activity Boxes

I actually prefer winter over summer and there are a few reasons for that.

1. Bugs - I get attacked on the regular and because my blood must be superbly exotic to them - they dine on me like an all you can eat Chinese buffet.  Seriously.
2. Sleep in - I know that was ridiculously funny being a parent.  But I don't have to worry about homework or getting up early to get the kids to their various school taxi/daycare locations. That allows me to sleep in as long as the kids let us.  So far - 7:30am - and that was only because they went to bed after midnight the night before!
3. Sunshine and warmth - which means we don't need to layer our kids up and have to worry about the sun disappearing between 2-3pm.  So far, *KNOCK ON WOOD*, we've actually had a summer where I am tanning and it hasn't rained much! :)
1. A lot of people in Finland complain about it being so bright and the sun never quite sets (ever) - but that's what black-out curtains and melatonin is for.
4. Berry season - This was more of a bonus - but anyways!  Self-explanatory.
5. The kids have daycare and school: No teacher is paid enough in my opinion for doing a good job keeping our kids occupied so we can work/study!  Especially the teachers/care givers with trickier kids or special needs ones....

So here's the thing - I typically (and still kind of do) dread summer holidays every year because the kids don't have a regular schedule, they eat more (since they're not in daycare) and we have no idea what to do with them that wouldn't bore US or THEM after a couple days!

Now, this summer seems to be going okay so far.

Here's our typical schedule - times are flexible of course:

• 6-7:30am: wake up - if it's just M-Girl crawling in our bed - I toss her the iPad with "Big Hero 6" set up on it and she gets to watch her "May-Max!" quietly while Hubster and I get a few more minutes to snooze.
• 8-9:30am: Breakfast and dishwasher emptying/re-loading
• 10 -11am: Hubster takes V-Man out for a hike with the dogs.
• 10am - 1pm: I either take the younger two to the playground or to do errands and meet a friend.  This way they're separated and V-Man doesn't get beaten up by M-Girl and so on.
• 11am - 12:30pm: Lunch somewhere here.
• 1-3pm: NAP TIME! GLORIOUS NAP TIME!!! 
• While they nap - depending on how early they woke me - I'm either napping too or off to the gym for 1-1½ hours. Or I take an evening class for an hour.
• 3-5pm: Play outside - get the kids a snack if they're hungry and see ya.  Go play in the front yard nicely.
• 5-7pm: Supper.
• 7pm: take a melatonin
• 8pm - 6:30am: SLEEP!!!! BEST PART OF THE DAY!!!! (For them - I usually blog or work on something or watch television until late - plus walk the dogs.)

So that's what we're doing so far and it's working.  Nobody has died or freaked out too much and we managed to go for a walk twice to the major grocery store - 1 hour walk - and they survived.  M-Girl has her pram of course as back up - but we managed just fine!

We are also NOT stressing about sticking to a particular schedule because that is ridiculously stressful on US as it is.

What is making a difference too this year is that the kids are older, they're listening a little better and understanding each other more.  

Now that I'm all side-tracked and trying to keep my 24-hours promise of having this done and up properly - what we have done for the V-Man is made him a sensory toy that only he can play with.

So what this is - is a sniffing jar.

I bought from a local craft store, about 12 of these in a box and I filled them with whatever spices I could think of that would be interesting for him to smell.

Off the top of my head:

• Cinnamon
• Tex-Mex
• Dill
• Cumin
• Curry
• Pizza Mix
• Fennel
• Pepper
• Nutmeg

Just as some examples.  I didn't label them - because he's not going to really care right now.

The point of these jars, and I have Overnight Care to thank for the suggestion! - is that he can sort them as he wants, and he can open and close them (life skill!) and smell them.

Have you ever walked by a candle or perfume aisle and not sniffed things?  Well, maybe if you're extremely sensitive - then probably not! 

I love smelling things!!

Well, that's what this is for the V-Man.  It overpowers his senses - from what we can tell - in a good way - and he's happy.

He can easily hand me a jar and ask me to open it and close it after we both smell it - then he puts it away and gives me a different one.

He doesn't like when they're toppled in his box - they have to be nice and neat - something we're learning about him!

Out of the three kids, V-Man is the most meticulous when it comes to eating an ice-cream sandwich at the store.  He's very neat and immediately wipes his fingers (if need be) on his t-shirt or in his hair....

I am working on activity boxes or "task boxes" for him - and this is the first one.

It was fairly affordable to do - I had all the spices handy and didn't fill the jars with much.  The craft jars cost me about 7€ - but of course, if you're fortunate enough to have a dollar store or jars yourself - it's even cheaper!

I got a clear plastic box from the candy section of my grocery store.  They fill up the bulk sections and leave the boxes for anyone that would like to have them.

The jars are plastic by the way - in case the V-Man tries to break them or drops them by accident or throws one.

Happy Summer!  Enjoy it and indulge into your guilty pleasures if you need to!
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Speech Therapy = Torture

I am incredibly fortunate enough to live in a country where, for the most part, they take care of their people.
Of course, no system is perfect- and we have had our ups and downs with the Finnish system in a variety of ways but I'm here to talk about an up and not a down.

I'm currently sitting in a cafe after dropping off A-Man at his daycare far too early. I have an occupational therapy meeting to go to soon for the V-Man and forgot my gym gear- and thought I should try to be productive while waiting over an hour to get to my appointment.

Yesterday I had a double speech therapy meeting with both kids.
Shoot me - it was awful for the V-Man. A-Man's appointment was at 10 and V-Man's was at 11.
It was awful, not because of our new speech therapist "O" but because of the location.  It was downtown in some building that none of us have been to but apparently have walked by several times.
It was extremely brightly lit and the V-Man didn't want to stay.  I can't blame him as my eyes were hurting and despite the posh decorating and setting- V-Man must've felt extremely uncomfortable in there. Hubster pointed out it may have felt "too clinic-like" for him because he did nothing but fight and scream the roof off.
Nobody was wearing scrubs, there were no sounds of drilling or other kids screaming as if they were getting blood work done-but still.
Maybe it's because it was the first time. Maybe because he was hungry - despite having gone to McDonald's for lunch while I stayed with the A-Man.
It just was a major flashback to when he was younger and no amount of scrolling through his iPad photos or movie choosing made him happy.  Not even my phone was good enough.

Anyway, the point of this meeting was to meet the new speech therapist. Sadly, our last speech therapist for the V-Man, "R",  moved away and wasn't coming back to our city for therapy sessions anymore.
This was incredibly heart breaking for us because it took V-Man so long to get used to her and was quite well bonded with her. 4 years with the same therapist was amazing and she was also a nearby neighbour (not that we ever got around to having her over for dinner)- so it really felt like she was (and still is) a friend as well.

The original plan was to have the V-Man meet the new therapist WITH his previous therapist and that way the transition would be a bit smoother.
But we had a rough time getting a new therapist. Kela, the Finnish social services program, is undergoing a lot of budget cuts thanks to the government.
So. We went through 2-3 therapists that would potentially work with the V-Man -only to have it be cancelled or they changed their minds or they couldn't take him on.
Never mind the fact that A-Man also needs therapy -although not as intensively perhaps as the V-Man, since he can speak and point things out at least.

So the A-Man was up first and she more or less had to talk with me about his habits, his hobbies, things he needed work on speech-wise and whatever else needed work.
We agreed that A-Man is speaking a lot more compared to his assessment and now is curious about what things are called and will ask.
However, the issue remains that he doesn't understand longer or more complicated sentences or time frames unless a timer is used. For example, "when the timer goes off-game is all done!" is an acceptable sentence for him.
Saying something like "you need to be ready in twenty minutes to get the bus!" isn't something he would comprehend because he has no concept of time without a timer.
Also, A-Man still has a difficult time expressing himself. There is regularly crying and screaming meltdowns over little arguments between him and M-Girl mostly.
Example?

"My mommy."
"No! A-Man's mommy."
*repeat for a solid minute at least.*
"$@?!;$:$/&/$;&/&));/&!!!?!!;$;&:&{*}!#€\*{ !!  MY MOMMY!" (Symbols represent some sort of baby language combined with Finnish and English from the M-Girl.)
Cue massive sob fest from A-Man.  M-Girl is triumphant in whatever the heck she just babbled to him and stands proudly with her face flushed and her body ready for more baby babble throw downs.
Hubster and I sat back and observed this (I admit I was laughing inside because the M-Girl is a very strongly verbal child - even in the art of babble) and when we realized the A-Man was a hot mess over whatever his little sister screeched at him- I scooped him up into my lap and asked what's wrong.
He couldn't say it. He couldn't tell me why his feelings were hurt or why he was so upset or what his sister said.

Imagine how frustrating that is for a parent who want to do the right thing and console one child while lecturing the other at the same time...but even more so for the kid who can't express what he wants to say.
Whether it's because his vocabulary isn't big enough due to the two very different languages or because he can't simply string the words he needs together to form an understandable sentence- it's sad.
So I played what I call the "Guessing Game". I say anything and everything I could possible think of and he tells me when I'm right.
I managed to break down M-Girl's chatter down to being very hurtful and mean. And I took a wild guess and asked if she told him that Mommy & Daddy aren't HIS parents-only hers.  He nodded while still sobbing and with his arms flung around me and his snot dripping all over me.
Bingo.
But this is why he does need speech therapy. Sometimes I doubt myself because he is speaking so much more than before but also because compared to the V-Man's nonverbal autism- it doesn't seem like he needs therapy at all!
But it appears he does.  What if something very serious, more than hurt feelings, happens and A-Man can't explain what he's heard or witnessed?

Anyways, the V-Man came in for his turn and it was more or less O, Hubster and I shouting at each other trying to be heard over the screams and trying to tackle the V-Man and prevent him from leaving the room.
The V-Man wasn't having it and thankfully we stayed for only 30 minutes so I could fill paperwork for his therapy, answer a few questions and we could go.
In future, his appointments (A-Man too) will be held at school and a couple appointments here and there at home- so she can see them in their ultimate comfort zone.
I really need to invest into some good ear plugs...he can really break a headache in for you in a short & loud period of time!

If you're wondering how we apply for therapies here- it requires a 2-days assessment at that neurological clinic at the hospital. Then a doctor's recommendation plus some applications via Kela.
It can be time consuming, depending on the situation and also the queue for getting a therapist-but otherwise- I'm really happy and thankful I live here.
Even with budget cuts going on - I'm fairly confident my children will get the help they need.
:)
BIMU

A Side of Autism: F-ing Pop

This week is ski holiday in our  area of Finland. Also known as March Break (typically held in February though) or spring break.
We decided to keep all three kids at home as it means we don't have to wake up and run around to three different locations to drop them off and pick them up.
We are also back to trying to save money and pinch pennies here and there.
One of the biggest spendings we have every month is "treating" the kids to lunch on the weekends.
We seriously need to cut back -so I have been trying to time my errands or outings with the kids away from meal times.
The V-Man is determined though. Subway is his thing and it's located in our grocery store of choice. So I gave in this week- he had been relatively well behaved that day and I forgot my water bottle and thought he wouldn't like the orange pop.
Wrong.
He loved it so much I got a refill. Then he refused to let me have any and I worried about a diaper overflow (although he can hold it in for a really long time-usually when in public) and that's where Hell broke loose.
He refused to eat his sandwich, of which there was a third left and didn't want to munch on the little bag of chips either. He just wanted pop.
I was alone with him and tried to remain calm as he began having his meltdown. He screamed and yelled like he was being tossed in the hole on Scandal and by yelling -I mean the whole really big area of Subway was silent (of course there were other customers) and the cash register line ups (of the grocery store) were also silent too. Aside from the beeping of items being scanned- all you heard was my 6-year old slap his face, scream in pain from it and also from the pain of being denied pop.
Then he really got pissed off and tried to flip the table over.
Thankfully those things are pretty heavy- so he couldn't flip it half way...not yet anyway.

What the f*ck am I going to do when he's a teenager? Honestly?!
Never mind the fact that everyone can see and hear him and the strangers are being kind. They're staring but not for long, they're not offering help (which I prefer) and they're pretending like there isn't a large 6-year old boy trying to his his mother with the freaking Subway table.
Thank you strangers! It makes things much more bearable for me when you continue doing your thing-I genuinely appreciate it.
(This also reduces my chances of my own public melt down if I'm left alone to deal with V-Man.)

Sure, I could've gone back to the cash register and gotten him an extremely overpriced juice box that he would finish in 10 seconds.
But then he would win. He would learn that he gets his own way by tossing a fit the size of a tornado. He would learn that he could flip a table and eventually get more pop or juice.
I'm trying to keep my cool and compromise with him. I hid the pop and told him if he had more sandwich- then he could have more pop. But then he started rocking the table at me again and the slapping himself started too and I just slurped that pop and tossed away his 1/3 of a sandwich and the empty cup and we left.
I lectured him like crazy.

"That's not nice. You don't throw the table. Try to be a good boy. No more screaming- it's not nice. You didn't get more pop because your tooth just fell out and it's way too sugary for little kids anyway. If you are more sandwich you could've had a little more pop."

I'm the whisper firmly and logically mother in the grocery store- bracing myself for another meltdown. I'm occasionally the talk out loud to myself like I would inside my head mother - which means I'm using the "OMG DUH!! Give me a break!" tone as well.
I realize he probably didn't comprehend most of the longer sentences. But I had to get it out.
I had an instant headache and dreaded what grocery shopping would bring but he chilled out once we got into that rhythm and started dragging the shopping basket on wheels-he calmed down.
Maybe the line up beforehand was too much for him or maybe the sensation of pop in his mouth was overwhelming and exciting and he simply wanted to feel more of it.

I texted the Hubster about the stress of it all and that when I got home, I would be having a drink.
It wasn't even 4pm-never mind 5.
(Of course it's always 5 o'clock somewhere...)
So I got home, rushed past the V-Man to unpack groceries and avoid him for a bit.
I just needed space and knowing that two more kids would be climbing all over me once we walked inside- I definitely needed a drink.

I can highly recommend Bailey's mixed in to your hot chocolate, topped with marshmallows, whipped cream and sprinkles.
I don't own a shot glass- so I just slowly counted to 5 -both to calm my nerves and to signal when I should probably stop pouring Bailey's into my mug.
I don't do this often- I promise you. But it was either a cup of spiked hot chocolate while muttering my stresses away in an annoyed but quieter voice-or screaming my head off.

I guess the point of all this is to share that everyone has crappy days. From both sides of the fence- the kid side and the parent side. 

In retrospect, the V-Man had to wait in line (which he despises) and was robbed the opportunity to have more fizzy pop. 

I have to remind myself that he's entitled to want more of something and express anger (still-I can't justify giving in every time!) and hope to God he doesn't kill me with a table in public. 

I know a teeny part of me wanted to make him scared and I could've easily threatened to flip the table back in his direction. 

But what does it accomplish? People calling social services because they can't necessarily see autism and assume I'm the one trying to hurt him? Not saying that's his intent when he slams tables because it isn't. It's how he truly expresses rage - other than slapping himself. 

Sometimes the toughest part of being a parent is the ability to just let it go. Don't hold a grudge. Don't lose your marbles or your sh*t - both publicly and in private. Don't give in but also don't put up too big of a fight hat ends up pushing them away. 

It's a really freaking tough job- but someone has to do it.

And you can. 

BIMU

A Side of Autism: My Moisturized Sofa

I love my kids and there are times where I am more on the "why the f*ck did I have kids?" end of the scale.

Remember that awesome trip to Helsinki I vlogged about?  Well, I was riding on that high of having a meltdown-free day with the V-Man and even managing to travel to Helsinki and back within the same day (almost 8 hours on a bus!) and it was all burnt to smithereens this morning.

We (Hubster and I) were still asleep and we knew 2/3 kids were awake.  We found out that the V-Man was awake when A-Man started screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I let the Hubster go check and see how much damage control would be needed and then when I heard him shout, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I braced myself for the worst.
Like laundry soap all over our old hardwood floors (that soak up liquid like sponges - so you need to act fast!) or more fabric softener...

I opened my eyes and saw white stuff everywhere on our grey sofa.

Thankfully - my sofa probably needs to be washed anyway.

Unfortunately - I'm super lazy and don't have a car to rent a deep cleaning vacuum.

I then saw red.

Why be so pissed off about THIS much lotion spread deeply and all over my sofa?  Along with my daughter M-Girl who was caked head to toe in it?

Because I just bought the lotion the day prior, it was 750 ml and was nearly empty by the time we saw that up there and I used it once.

I'm trying to be better at moisturizing my skin because frankly - my legs look like snake skin boots - for free! HA!

I was also mad because it was Burt's Bees lotion and I can't get that in my city - so it was a real shocker for me when I walked past a shop and saw it for 50% off.

So what you're looking at (not including the blobs of lotion in M-Girl's hair, on her belly and all over her hands, feet and diaper/pajamas) - is 9€ of lotion everywhere.

We know the V-Man did it because A) he was caught red (white?) handed with the tube in his hand and hand painting it everywhere and B) A-Man shouted it to us.

I'm calmer now about it - I can almost chuckle about it.

I realize it could have been worse.

It could've been blood.  Mud.  Poop.  Pee. Wine.  Vaseline.  Olive oil.  Soya sauce. 

Remember my New Year's Resolutions?

Calmer parent - well, that's gone.  In fact, on NY Day - I am pretty sure I screeched the roof off about something at the kids and cursed a storm.

That morning of the moisturizing sofa incident - I did a billion times worse.  I think I yelled at V-Man and M-Girl (as she was caked in it) for a solid 5 minutes - like hollered at them - for a solid 5 minutes.
Then I stormed off and tried to scrub the sofa with sofa cleaner and then went to the bedroom to sob and calm down.

But it's done and over with and the stain is sort of fading.

And Milo licked the sofa a lot for the next 2 days to try and help me out I guess.

This is exactly why I don't buy new anything (with few exceptions like underwear, groceries, toilet paper and so on).
And it's also why we don't have white clothes or furniture.
This is the life of motherhood that annoys me the most I suppose and I have no shame in saying that.
I'd love to meet the parents that thoroughly enjoy parenting to the extent that they're happy 100% of the time.  Never once having a melt-down or a breakdown (whatever sounds nice to you), children that are pure angels that do no wrong and can own nice things from the moment they're with their partner straight through baby barf, toddler-hood and creative art on the wall ages.
(Or is this completely imaginary like unicorns?)
BIMU

Waiting Room Patients - I Want You To Know A Few Things...

Dear Waiting Room Patients,

I'm a mom.  A parent.  A guardian. A person trying to keep my sanity in check...
I realize that every time I'm in the hospital waiting room with the V-Man - you're probably wondering why I am there and "what's wrong with the boy who's not listening to his mother."
I am there for my sick child that I promised to care for from the moment we found out we were expecting.
I am there for answers because as a non-medical professional myself - I need to figure out what is going in my kid's body that's making him ill and how to quickly yet efficiently fix it.
I am there and internally screaming my head off at all of you who stare, point and whisper at my kid as he is stimming  his little heart out by bouncing, gasping, grasping air with his fists and making garble with his mouth.
I am not the parent to bring their kid in for any little thing and try to tolerate as much as I can at home before I lose my f*cking marbles.  Trust me - if I could wave a wand over him and make him better at home without having to bother the waiting room, the hospital staff and so on - I so would.

But unfortunately for you - I have an autistic child.  What does this mean and why were we there today?

1. V-Man is non-verbal autistic, he's 6 and strong like a freaking bull.  We really do think that may be his "talent"...as opposed to math, art, physics, music...
1. It also means he doesn't listen, he doesn't necessarily have control over his movements, he cannot express to me exactly what he is feeling.  Not even a "I feel sick.  I feel dizzy or my tummy hurts here" - it is a constant guessing game to figure out what is wrong.
2. I despise going to the hospital with him but as it turned out - he was showing some clear signs of an ear infection and guess what? Ear infections are super duper common in autistic kids and by common in at least my own child - I mean he's had them non-stop from the time he was 1.5 years old up until he was 4 - when our doctor finally suggested he got tubes.  Turned out he didn't have one but it might happen soon anyway - but everyone in the waiting room would've known this as V-Man insisted on keeping the door wide open...
1. It was slightly easier from birth to four years old because he was quite content to be in his stroller.  He's now far too big for one.
3.  V-Man hates the hospital, doctors, nurses and anything associated with health care.  Getting his ears checked is never easy - never mind testing CRP levels (that little prick in your finger for a quick blood smear to test for infection levels), x-rays and so on - nah.
4. I'm embarrassed to be there.  Yes, it's for his health and nothing is more important and I would do anything for my kid - which apparently means chasing him away from the automated doors every 4 seconds.  I also realize my kid's antics drove some people nuts and I'm fortunate tonight he didn't go into anyone's bags or try to steal their bottle, bag, food or other interesting item of the day.  
1. I also am the one walking in like a luke-warm cucumber and walking out like a hot mess because any kind of check-up for the V-Man involves a wrestling, pinning and turning my body into a yoga-ninja pretzel just to hold him in place to check his ears.  Then the other side!
2. I also know that I need to just "Let It Go" and ignore those other people because they don't know what a hospital trip is like with the V-Man unless they were in my shoes for the past 6 years.  But still...
5. I almost always have a glass of wine after the hospital visit once the kids are asleep.  Tonight I'm just going to go to bed early.
6. I am the mother on the phone because I was updating concerned friends and texting my husband with as much fury as I could muster (as I do every time I  take the kids to the hospital but mostly only angry when I take V-Man because let's face it - he's the most difficult/most uncomfortable in a hospital kid):
   
   "Big whopping f*ck you right now.  I'm so sick of doing this - you can go here next time with him - I'm done!"

That may come off as harsh but I won't lie about this.  When I'm tired and exhausting myself even more with playing tag/"let's not hit the paramedics moving the elderly on a bed" in a hospital waiting room - I'm not going to be the nicest person in the world but at the same time I'll keep my nasty attitude to just my husband because I know he gets my frustrations and can take it until I calm down.

I am typically the parent that goes to the hospital with the kids because I speak more Finnish than my husband - in case we were to encounter a doctor or nurse that doesn't speak a lot (or any) English and I'm the carrier of info - both mentally and in my wallet.

Anyways, what I was trying to say is that I realize my kid annoyed you by rushing to the automatic doors every 4 seconds and there's a reason for it.

He's not necessarily able to control himself or listen to me and it annoyed me too.

I called out to him multiple times in the hopes he would be interested in his iPad and no.  He wasn't. I offered my phone and no - that wasn't good either.  My keys, wallet, bag and even a package of tissues weren't enticing tonight.

If kids came with little remote controls for urgent situations or preventing mega awkward ones - I'd be the first one ordering one.

I know that today was a minor incident in a a sea of many possibilities - it can always be worse.  I don't think I'm quite apologizing as I am more so explaining my frustration with both my kid not being able to tell me "Hey Mom - I feel like crap - take me to the doctor please" and the awkwardness that can occur in a very public setting - not just the hospital waiting room either!  Restaurants, at the bus stop, waiting in line to pay for groceries or an item...anywhere.

I won't speak for all other parents out there but I'd rather have someone come up to me and ask me nicely, "May I ask what your child has?"
I'd be pleased as punch and whenever someone has asked (maybe twice a stranger has asked in the whole 6.5 years of us living here) and feel better for having explained what autism is and hopefully they're happy having learned something new.

I'm regularly thankful for the Finnish custom of supreme silence but at the same time - if someone were to reach out to me and just simply ask what's up - it could help making the whole "spreading of autism awareness" a little smoother.

BIMU

A Side of Autism: Underestimating V-Man

One thing the Hubster and I absolutely love is reading.
Of course with him being a researcher - he does it for a living and I do it more for pleasure and learning new things (usually craft techniques and reading multiple blogs and news sources!).
Hubster also reads for fun FYI...

Anyhow, one thing that the V-Man despises (despised?) was reading.
We buy books every year for a Christmas gift because we really want to encourage reading, imagination, bond with our kids and so on.
He hasn't had any interest whatsoever in books other than to rotate them, open and close the covers and recently?  Shove the corner of the book up his nose.  Everything is getting the deep-space nostril treatment lately!

Anyways, to my surprise - last night we had the music therapy and that didn't go all that great. Mostly because V-Man's time switched due to a prior group cancellation and there was another group singing loudly (and nicely!) in the room next door.  Toss in a screaming kid with the choir (not V-Man) - and he wasn't having it.

So V-Man dragged me to McDonald's for supper and then to the ice-cream parlour and I figured - let's make a date out of this!
Hubster was occupied with A-Man's Christmas party and M-Girl was with them - so it was just me and V-Man and that was cool.
I got a scoop of ice-cream for V-Man and he was ecstatic!  Oh wait, he was more ecstatic about the escalator going up and down and prancing on his toes and squeezing his fists repeatedly while eyeing every single stranger and probably giving them a heart attack.
Anyways, he ended up not having any ice-cream - not because it was too delicious for me to not share but because he apparently just wanted the wafer cookie on top.
Yep.  I didn't even want the ice-cream!  But I ate it anyway.

Anyways, we got home, zipped out with the dogs and began to prep for bed time.  We were already past the 7 pm ritual and had such a wildly different day than normal- so I was pretty casual about the whole thing.
Hubster messaged me in distress asking if we were home yet and advising me to get V-Man to bed asap.

Yeah - no.

What's the point of getting V-Man to sleep when:

A) He wasn't tired.
B) Milo would bark like a crazy dog when everyone else got back home.  Which means - he'd be up anyhow.
C) He was reading.

Yeah - I wrote that.
C) He was reading.

And no, he wasn't reading out loud or else you would've seen a horribly crooked and shaky film of me in full blast water works ("tears") and V-Man screaming in the background to pay attention to him.
Phone screen is still cracked and that's the camera I usually use to film...haven't approached the Hubster to use his to record yet - I don't think he'd mind but ah well!

Let me explain how this came about and why this is a HUGE deal.

First of all, he was ticked as all get out because for the first time in probably 4 years - his blanket cover and his pillow case matched.
That was a no-go apparently so I figured it out after 10 minutes ("But why won't you crawl into your bed at least?! What's wrong?! They're clean sheets!") and he was pleased as punch when I tossed his blanket into my room and gave him my mis-matched blanket to his pillow case.  Alrighty then.

Then I grabbed a book, "The Mixed Up Chameleon" by Eric Carle (affiliate link) and started reading out loud.  It's a fairly new book in our home, as it was buried under a pile of other books - and I had completely forgotten that I bought this ages ago!  Or maybe it was a gift? It probably was! Whoops!

Here's the shocker:  he didn't "ask" (i.e. push the book away, push me away, cover my mouth or scream/cry/leave the room) me to stop reading.

So why is this a HUGE deal?  

1. V-Man typically doesn't care for books other than to:
1. Rotate them and flip them back and forth (and not actually OPEN it).
2. Rip and crumple pages. *shudder*  - I absolutely hate folded and crinkled pages in a book!
3. Pick them up, drop them, throw them...bend them cover to cover (backwards) so the binding breaks.
2. He doesn't like when we read to him - or at least when the Hubster tries.
   And because the Hubster is the one that puts him to sleep 98% of the time - it doesn't really open up an oppourtunity for me to read to him.  And apparently, I'm a crappy mom for not even thinking to try!
1. I suppose I've had so many "#MomFails" with regards to reading out loud with him - and getting in trouble for reading with the younger two (if the kids got too excited or spoke too loudly about the story after - V-Man had a fit!)
3. I asked him to put it away and if he wanted - he could get another one.  I held my breath.  After I repeated it again - he did it.  I nearly wet myself.

It should be noted that most books that I want the kids to cherish forever (typically classics or by Canadian authors or my favourite authors or have real paper pages and not stiff cardboard pages) - are way up high on a shelf.  By "way up high" - I mean nearly touching the ceiling.

So now, our goal is to try to introduce these board books (as they're the most interesting and sturdy) back into the V-Man's daily routine and hope for the best.

I have apparently underestimated my child's interest for reading and disregarded it as "not his thing" because of multiple fails before.

May this serve as a kind reminder to just try it again every now and again. :)
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Time For a Reality Check (and Music Therapy!)

So if you didn't know - I've been filming YouTube videos lately mostly "vlogging" (video blogging) my experience (thus far) as a mother of 3 kids and 1 having autism and another with SLI.
I will be filming about other topics soon - but so far - the things that have come up most frequently in my life lately - has been V-Man's autism!
That and a friend has asked me a list of questions - so I thought it'd be cool to try and make short less than 10-minutes videos about those various topics!

He's currently at overnight care and I took a short 39-seconds long video of what a V-Man melt-down is like (then added some of my own vlogging in there).
So please, turn down the volume PRIOR to watching it or don't watch it at work because your co-worker is probably wondering why you're watching such a sad and torturous video!
As you can see in it, he's screaming, yelling and slapping/pinching himself.
He was actually quite easy on himself to be honest!!  Normally it's a straight 5-minutes (or more) of slapping his own face.  He was just done with music therapy and wanted to leave and he couldn't figure out how to open the door.

A few weeks ago, I was approached by a Master's student inquiring if I'd be interested in having the V-Man try out some music therapy.
I warned the Master's Student (MS) that V-Man is non-verbal, I'm not sure how he'd react or if he'd even sit in one spot for 30-45 minutes...and I stressed that I was worried it'd be a waste of time for him.
MS said it was fine because he wanted to study children of a particular age and with both a disability and without.  The key thing for HIM is that the kids understood English to some degree - as the instructions and songs would be in English.

The first meeting was a brief intro and once V-Man discovered the CD-player - he was done with learning about instruments or singing songs.
I'm happy to say that the second meeting (it's twice a week until almost Christmas) was more successful on my end because he was familiar with the bus stop compared to the first meeting - where he kicked and screamed and I had to drag/carry him to the building.  So that made it easier.
He even touched the drums with his feet (which we had to nip in the bud because he wanted to stand on them) and then with his hands nicely.

WAHOO!

Then I started filming during the good-bye song because V-Man was having a melt-down and was just simply done with it all.

I have been debating internally with myself on whether or not I should post this video but then I thought, "Why not?"

Here's my reasoning, before you think I'm a crazy parent:

• I didn't start the tantrum/melt-down.  I didn't want to - but I did want to show my friends and family and also others - what it's really like for us to have an autistic child cry.  
• The oppourtunity to share a snippet of his actions was enough for me and I believe, enough for your own ears too.  
• Just imagine hours of this on and off throughout a day...
• That I really don't beat my kid and that those slaps and pinches are truly self-inflicted.  Not that I think nobody believes me - but also if you see another child with a disability - perhaps they really did do it to themselves.  Here's my proof that my kid does it to himself at least.
• That not all autistic children react the same.  The spectrum is huge and the big league scientists are constantly trying to figure out what an autistic person feels/thinks like.
• I wouldn't put all of the autistic kids I know in one group and say they're the same because they're not.
• It is in NO WAY a "shaming" video because that is simply not my intent whatsoever.  It's my only way to share what he's truly like when having a melt-down.  Other than have him visit you and have one in front of you.
• I have no reason and no urge to embarrass my children so publicly on a platform like a blog or YouTube - especially since I would never want the same to happen to me.  So please keep an open mind when watching the video.

I cannot soothe him properly in this video because I am filming (and with limited memory space on my phone) and trying to calm him down with my voice and with one hand.  Normally we take both of his hands and stroke our face or hair and try to remove him from the uncomfortable situation.

I truly am terrified that some day he'll yank my hair out - but for now will keep my fingers crossed.

We've TRIED giving him something to hold in his hand (something I forgot to mention in the video) and he ended up beating himself with whatever the item might be.

• Plush toy
• Dinky car
• Jingly keys (yes that hurt a lot)
• Food (pretty messy and apples are also painful)

So I know the video might be painful to watch but I hope you're able to see what it's like on my side of being a mom of an autistic kid with super strength and I hope this video somehow, raises autism awareness.

I was initially inspired by this article in the Huffington Post to share a snippet of my son's life on YouTube.

Thanks so much for reading my blog, following me/subscribing and so on - and for tolerating my 4-hours of sleep last night/super tired tears (but hey! class finals are finally done!)!!
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Phases

I went to a parent/teacher/therapist meeting today and it was awesome.
It was long (about 2 hours) but it was well worth it because I learned a lot of things about the V-Man's newer habits at school.
In Finland, children start the year they turn 7 years old but because V-Man is diagnosed with autism - he gets to start a year early - with the aims of graduating at the same time as his peers of the same age, who would start at 7.

Out of nowhere and near the end of the meeting, I had a light bulb moment.  A real "OMG I totally forgot he did that moment!"
So I thought it'd be cool to make a quick video of some of his more memorable phases and list here in this blog - as many of the phases he's gone through since being born.
Of course they might not apply to all children - autistic or not - but I found it really interesting!
My goal is to keep my videos 10 minutes long or less - hence this longer blog post! :)

• From birth to almost 1 year old:  V-Man absolutely could not be tolerated being held by the Hubster or anyone but me.  Unless he was nearly asleep, I had no freedom.  He didn't take a soother or a bottle ever.  Boob juice all the way.
• Physical contact was hard for V-Man.  He didn't care for anyone touching him, holding his hand or being held in someone else's lap.
• Now, he quite enjoys being cuddled a bit - on his own terms - and will grab random strangers hands.  Or bums.  That's awkward on the bus...
• He was potty trained (both #1 and #2) between 6-months old and 9-months.  Then he had an abscess on his rear end and absolutely refused to sit on a potty.  There went that out the window.
• He has been obsessed since he was 1.5 years  old with rubbing breasts and chests.  I truly think it's just a cause and effect reaction for him.  Not only the cause and effect of someone telling him "No - don't do that" after rubbing someone's chest but also the skin to t-shirt contact.  The fact that if you rub a nipple (let's just be blunt here) the skin gets hard.  But it's harder for him to get the same physical reaction from a woman because they're usually wearing bras.  
• Watching Disney Cars DVD - we're on our third copy.  
• Dear Disney, thanks to you changing the cover of the DVD - V-Man refuses to watch it now.  Despite the fact that nothing else changed otherwise.
• Watching Shrek 1-4 - he loves them all. But I think the first three films are his favourite.
• Biting/Chewing clothing and people - either his clothing or us - we ended this by buying him a really soft bunny on a string with a strong clip to attach to his coat/shirt.  Whenever he threatened to bite - we just popped that bunny in his mouth and he chomped hard on that instead.
• Grinding his teeth was my "OMG" moment this morning during our meeting and I just realized that he hadn't ground his teeth in ages!!!  He is a loud and hard grinder and his front tooth is actually chipped from grinding his teeth.  The dentist said there's nothing we can do but get him to use a mouth guard (yeah - that's not happening!) and hopefully he grows out of this phase before his adult teeth settle in!
• Poor diet: He could tell the difference between Chiquita and Dole or store-branded bananas.  He only ate bananas, yoghurt, bread, French fries, crackers and certain kind of burgers from a local chain.  That was the extent of his protein/meat intake.  Once we got him into a wonderful specialized day-care - he learned how to taste new foods and become a toddler/child with a teenager x5-sized appetite!
• Still doesn't like blood tests, needles, doctors or nurses.  He had a rough first blood test when he was younger and it was something out of a nightmare - blood squirting everywhere and 3 nurses plus myself holding down a 2-year old little boy.
• Jumping - enough said.
• Dropping breakfast on our face - to wake us up he'd bring either: bread, bunch of bananas, butter or an empty glass if he was thirsty and because our bed was against the wall - 1 parent got un-lucky with the V-Man alarm clock.
• Running away/wearing a safety harness - Here's the original blog post and a video to go with it.  

  

  2014

• Climbing - he still does.  He can get on wall radiators and arrange furniture just right for his climbing needs.  So far - no broken bones. *KNOCK ON WOOD*
• Not sleeping - this phase has passed I think - thanks to the wonders of Melatonin (an over the counter sleeping aid).  And he even sleeps in his own bed which just took persistence and ensuring A-Man went to sleep after V-Man did so it was nearly silent.



He did this on his own. 5-years old

• Ear Infections were an issue from 1.5-years to recently.  Thanks to tubes surgery - he is able to sleep better.  Oh and probably because his nose is clear too...remember that orange booger?
• Ear infections do seem to be a common thing among youngsters with autism - just a trend I've noticed in reading other blogs, books and so on.
  ** Not a medical expert - just a Mom. **
• Slapping himself when angered/not getting enough attention or what he wants or when siblings scream:  the difficulty with this one is I get frustrated pretty easily and I'll admit - while spanking a child is illegal here - I feel like absolute crap for wanting to spank a child who IS screaming the roof off and driving my head into the ground with a pounding headache - but there's absolutely no point because he's already slapping himself harder than adults slap each other.  Anyway, that and I'm trying my hardest to approach my kids temper tantrums with a calmer mindset.  The other issue with that is that if we try to give him something to hold that has texture - to use as a distraction - it doesn't work.  He still slaps himself like crazy with it.  
• I'm sure my neighbours (we haven't met) think we're beating the crap out of him - but I swear we're not.  He's a 1-man show that one!
• Sniffing and touching with his lips:  this sensory test can be your skin, your clothing, new food, food he's used to - anything.
• Escaping: V-Man seems to have the tendency to know how to escape any place.  Whenever he arrives somewhere he immediately scans the room for all the potential exits.  This is a major issue because he does run away - we have to be extremely careful where we visit (i.e. playgrounds and people's homes or BBQ parties) and unfortunately, have kept those to a bare minimum.  We have a fire pit in our yard and haven't used it since moving here nearly three years ago because there's no fenced in area for him to run about.  


• His new thing, is that when he's bored - he grabs his shoes and leaves.  It means he needs a break from us, from the humming of the computer I suppose and just needs a personal time-out.  So Hubster will grab the leash and Loki (who has his own YouTube video by the way) and they all go hiking together and I've noticed when V-Man returns - he's calmer and happier.
• Another new thing is that when he's returning from overnight care - he likes to carry his own backpack (which does have some weight to it!) and he'll even carry his own booster seat (for the taxi) home!  It's about a 15-minutes walk from our home - so I'm thrilled he's interested in helping out!
• He's interested in chores: V-Man enjoys putting the dishes in the dishwasher - it's not perfect but it's the effort that counts!  He likes putting soap in the dishwasher, and in the washing machine (he was being too quiet - that was the first sign...) and "hanging laundry", and cooking!  He tries to stir food and likes to sniff spices. :)
  

I'm curious what other phases or trends he'll go through :).

Anyways, the kids are getting rowdy (V-Man is already out like a light) - so I better sign off and prep for the next video! :)
BIMU

A Side of Autism: New Eatery

I'm really not kidding when I say that "fine dining" with the V-Man is Chinese food take-out at home (as delivery options are mighty slim in our city), McDonald's or Hesburger.
Or if we're super lucky - a pizza buffet.
Point being - fast and immediate eating options preferred.

Last week I took V-Man on a "Mommy and me" lunch date and tried Subway.  I more or less got a foot-long of whatever I normally get (Subway Melt - hold the onions and tomatoes) and hoped for the best.
By "hope for the best", I hope for the following things:

• He sits still.
• He eats the sub.
• He doesn't throw it on the floor.
• He doesn't hate it.
• He doesn't run away repeatedly with sub in hand and making a mess all over the place.
• He doesn't smack his head out of impatience for having to wait in line for food.
• *Update (forgot to write this earlier): TEXTURE.  The toasted hot bun, the melted runny cheese, the cold meat and veggies, the crisp, the chewy - all of it - could be extremely overwhelming for someone on the spectrum or with a sensitive mouth!
• He doesn't scream.

V-Man handled the short line up (3 people ahead of us - short for me, long for him) and we sat down to eat and I think the hardest thing for him was to be able to hold the sub.  Remember - he's only 5 - so his hands aren't fully grown yet :D.

He sniffed it.  A Subway Melt with honey mustard and pepper on a honey and oat bread.

I'm glad to say this was a huge success and we've been back since and he ate every bite (of his half and then some of mine and the chips and then another rice cake and a granola bar while waiting for the bus after a quick twenty minutes grocery shopping trip).

Although the second time, he got a mouthful of jalapeno pepper and wasn't too pleased.  I held my breath and he waited for me to empty out those peppers and then he continued to chow down.
WHEW!

It's the little things and while there are some people who insist on staring at V-Man as he hops about and flaps his hands about making odd sounds - we still manage to have a nice time together.

So despite the scandal that Subway is facing regarding Subway Jared - I'm happy to have found a new place to eat that doesn't involve piles of grease and me feeling oh so guilty afterward. 

BIMU

PS Me bitching and complaining about the stares and whispers we get in public when spreading good ol' fashioned autism awareness is for another time. :)
But if you do see someone who is acting a bit odd and out of sorts (and they don't reek of booze), I recommend asking their caregiver what's going on or even better - if you can help.

A Side of Autism: Needles

I don't mind needles but I can't say the same for V-Man.
He has never enjoyed a single blood test or vaccine and I don't blame him.
His first big blood test around the time he was being diagnosed and tested for autism (when he was 2) was something straight out of a horror movie.
First of all, he was fighting and screaming without any needles near him. It was just the strap on his arm to help make his vein pop out a bit more.
Then it took three nurses plus me to hold him down and a fourth to get the blood.
He was 2.
It was a really crappy situation because the nurse wasn't quite experienced with super strong autistic children and the blood went everywhere (this is the horror story bit) - I mean spraying down his arm, into his lap, out and forward.
In the meantime, V-Man was thrashing about and tried biting me, clawing at my face and giving a nurse a few good kicks too.  We both left sobbing and I threatened SH that he better be doing these blood tests from now on.
He was 2.

Today I finally decided to suck it up and bring him in for some blood tests to see if he has lactose-intolerance or Celiac.
His regular doctor (she's a real twit-honestly!) doesn't seem to understand our frustration of having to change 8-12 crappy diapers a day. So every time V-Man had a doctor appointment with her, for the past 2 years- she continued to not take us seriously and kept recommending laxatives.  Which we tried but it didn't seem to make a difference.
Finally and recently, V-Man had his yearly assessment at the disability clinic and the doctor there suggested he gets these blood tests done.
Seeing as V-Man magically stopped drinking milk (dairy, soy, rice and oats-pretty much anything white) and doesn't like dairy products-she's leaning towards lactose intolerance.  And also a blood sample for Celiac too just in case.

So today I brought him downtown with his half a bagel and a fully charged cell phone and we went to the blood clinic downtown to only find out that it had moved.
After going up and down the wrong street - we finally found it and we didn't have to wait long.
We walked in and I immediately handed over his Kela card and advised the nurse that V-Man is autistic in Finnish and that we need another person to help me hold him down (in English).
She immediately went off and got someone - which was awesome she believed me (we've had situations before where it got messy - like the first test) - and we went to it.
I had V-Man in my lap and while I appreciate him flattening my thighs a little - after awhile we decided that it wasn't working.  I had Teletubbies on Youtube playing on my phone and to the side and out of his reach and still it wasn't distracting enough.
He was twisting and moving his shoulders and we had him sit in the chair himself and I held him back and into the seat from behind.  Then the other nurse held down his hands and arms.  The second nurse got into his vein and the blood flow wasn't as fast and he needed 3(!) vials of blood for these tests.
He started to wiggle (along with screaming and crying) and the needle was close to breaking - because it was bending at such a disgusting angle.
So they removed that, wiped up the blood and taped up his arm.
Onto arm 2!  We finally managed to get it all sorted and even though the first vial wasn't very full - I'm assuming it was just enough.

After what felt like the longest 15 minutes ever - he was done and we left.
After every appointment with him, we go for lunch and try to put the horror of a bad appointment behind us.
I just honestly don't know what we'll do when he's older!  He'll just get bigger and stronger - I'm predicting he'll be bigger and stronger than me and SH...
I guess I just need to be happy that his lactose test only involved 1 vial of blood - where mine involved several samples over a span of a few hours!

Oh well - at least it's done and over with!
Perhaps next time I should bring some wine and cheese for the nurses...I know I could've used a drink after!
BIMU

A Side Of Autism: Can He Have Some Boobs With That??

Yes you read the title correctly and no, we didn't take the V-Man to a strip club.
Today is officially day 2 of summer vacation (this was written on the 20th of June) and I did a lot of shouting. The weather looked promising and we tried to go on a family hike with the dogs and nope. V-Man was not having it. He wanted to go on the bus.
Today is Mid Summer in Finland...no bus on this holiday!
We tried letting him pick the route but after thirty minutes (or was it only 15?) - I gave up and told him we are taking Loki and A-Man home. He seemed thrilled until we walked past the bus stop.
Some more screaming - from him- which would've been fine by me if he wasn't accompanying those screams with threats to bite us and break our fingers...oh and slapping his right side of his head so hard he now has a large purple bruise there.

Anyway the rest of the day the kids were squirrely and we didn't know what to do. It rained on and off and now it's pouring out and there was some thunder (they're asleep so I guess it's moot now) - but we survived the day.
I assure you there was a lot of shouting today.

One of V-Man's interests/super annoying things he does - is rub boobs.  Specifically - nipples!
Mine, yours, male or female- big or small- it doesn't matter.
Teacher, stranger, parents, friends - pretty much any adult will do!
And I get it- he has gets a reaction out of people and the more they dislike it (aka me) the more of a challenge it becomes.  How fun!
Also, with male boobs-they typically don't wear bras and that means instant cause and effect -if you know what I mean.
Women who wear padded bras are just a bump in the road or a challenge to him.  Again - how fun!

And if I haven't said it already-this boob rushing annoys the dear f*ck out of me.
And if you're wondering if he was breastfed long enough, I assure you - he's never had formula (except possibly at the hospital after birth) and he was nursed until he was 14 months old.

This boob rubbing/grabbing phase comes and goes and as of about a week ago-it's back-full on.
I just really hope it doesn't stick around - or else this could be incredibly awkward!!
(And I totally hear jail time...)

I recall taking him to the beach when he was about three-years old with little A-Man and V-Man ran away from me to go sit in some young guy's lap and caress his nipples.
I was of course, mortified, alone (SH was abroad at a conference) and stuck in the sand with our stroller.
The guy took it well until V-Man was really rubbing that poor guy's chest and trying to sneak some beer from his can.

I'm just at a loss of what to do to stop this behaviour. I can shout and slap his hand away until the cows come home...I can wear a thick coat (done this before) all summer or until this phase ends...or let him do it. And I'd rather not. Because while I'm comfortable with my body's shape and I know my son doesn't mean his personal masseuse sessions as sexual - someone might, later on down the road.
So it'd be nice to nip it in the bosom (ha ha ha)...and move on to the next confusing/inappropriate/mind blowing phase that he has stored up for us...
And yes - he's sniffs bums sometimes.

Ciao for now!
BIMU

A Side of Autism: Dogs

I don't give my dogs enough credit at times and it's not because they don't deserve it but because life with three kids in the household can be pretty hectic most of the time and I finally have something to write about for this blog!
A friend just sent me this video (link via Facebook page) and it shows a tall teenage autistic boy having a meltdown.  For whatever the reason, this young man is super upset - crying, hurting himself - it was hard to watch for the first time because it's what I have in my home but in a 5-year old format.
But I encourage you to watch it because his dog recognized that meltdown and the frustration building up with every slap and that dog worked calmly and flawlessly to calm the young man down and redirect his attention onto themselves (the dog).
Freaking brilliant!  That dog deserves a billion squeaky toys and awesome bones and endless belly rubs.

Now let's talk about the dogs I have.

I have a newly-minted 12-year old ½ Labrador and ½ Border Collie named Blue.
Blue loves food, attention, cuddles and being the boss.
He hates walking in the pouring rain, getting caught doing something wrong (i.e. stealing food) and being put on time out (extremely rare!).
He also love babies - there's nothing more precious than seeing him with a newborn.  He absolutely adores them and loves watching them and sniffing them and gives the sweetest and tiniest kisses possible.
He has been my rock through post-delivery healing after having V-Man (which included 15 stitches and 6-months of difficulty moving around and using the bathroom).

Loki is my 7.5-year old Husky mix.
Loki is named appropriately as he looked like a joker when he came to our home - ginormous paws, scrawny legs, tiny body and could barely walk up and down the stairs because he was more of a tumbler instead.  Instead of being about 40-pounds-ish - he's more like 70.
He also adores babies, usually is the cause of some spontaneous interior designing (aka dig through the garbage when we forget to close the kitchen door), has destroyed several things (list in the PS) and has endless patience with our 3 children.

How do my dogs affect the V-Man?
Blue and V-Man have some sort of strange agreement about sharing the sofa.  Blue will move over so V-Man can sit with him and sometimes he wraps his legs so they hang over Blue's side and sometimes V-Man pets him gently.  V-Man has been learning how to pet and rub the dogs ears and back of their necks and sometimes their backs when he walks in the door.
There hasn't been any sign of aggression between V-Man and either dog.
And yes, occasionally when V-Man is upset - the dogs circle around him or near him to try and distract him and sometimes it works.  Or sometimes V-Man has food in his hands and they're pretending to care. :)

Loki is usually the first one to the door when we walk in.  I've noticed (and have yet been able to capture a photo because my hands are full with a booster seat, keys and his backpack) that V-Man calmly walks inside, takes in his surroundings and trails his fingers along the dog's back while walking down the hall.  Kind of like how one would trail their fingers along piano keys or other familiar surroundings.
Then he goes to see if I have started his favourite movie (or not) and returns to remove his shoes and coat.
That's the first ten seconds of our usual routine when he gets inside.
V-Man has also managed to get over the hurdle of going downstairs and coming back upstairs when going to and from day-care via taxi.
A huge thanks to Loki for that one!  We no longer bring Loki with us to take V-Man to the waiting taxi or to pick him up in the afternoon.

In fact, V-Man seems to want to go hiking but only if the dogs are going.
He just had a tube put inside of his ear (the other one is still secure and they checked - nothing else up his nose!) and when he got home and fed - he wanted to go outside.  But he wouldn't budge out the door until he saw SH pull down the leashes and clip them onto the dogs' collars.
This is a huge improvement, compared to last year where hiking involved a lot of intense screaming and fighting!
He's a super strong kid - so we would like to avoid as much fighting as possible!

For awhile when we were first teaching him to sleep in his bed alone, Loki would curl up at the foot of the bed and the rhythmic breathing - along with the Alphabet game - would help V-Man sleep faster!

Anyway, my exams are finally done and I have a presentation tomorrow and a potluck the following day.
Then summer vacation begins!!  For 6 weeks.
I'll try to pump out as many blog posts as I can - as I do have some quite exciting news for you! (Not pregnant - so let's get that out of the way now.)  And when I start classes again at the end of July - they'll be quite intensive - so I'll be trying hard to make up for all the lost time I had this past semester!

Cheers,
BIMU

PS Things that Loki has destroyed (mostly) as a puppy:

• Asthma inhaler Symbicort which contains steroids
• Cell phone charger - while it was plugged in.  Half his face looked like it was melting.
• Antique sofa legs (wooden) and respective sofa's cushions.
• Kong on a Rope toy - he managed to pass that out.
• Various books - both ours and the university library.
• Stationary
• Stuffed toys (not his).
• Pencils, erasers, pens, purses and shoes
• The list goes on...