I Should've Married a Plumber

So good news everyone - my bathroom sink has been replaced with a beautiful identical twin - all shiny and new.
And when I asked the 3 (yeah they sent me 3 young/my age plumbers!) guys if they could tweak my toilet so it stops leaking every time we flush it - they told me they've sent a request in and someone should be in either the same day or the following day.

Alright, looks like I'm stuck at home again waiting for a plumber.
I got a phone call around 10 am and the guy told me wrong number and hung up...after asking me something in Finnish.  He wasn't a telemarketer I don't think - because most love practicing their English - but it wasn't him.
That and my number is private so I shouldn't be getting any telemarketers calling me anyway!

My stomach's been cramping on and off all day (and yesterday too - darn you kebab!) so of course the door bell would ring either:

A) When I'm stuck in the bathroom - home alone.
Or
B) Even worse.

I didn't think there was a possibility for an "even worse" but apparently there is.

B) was my body decided to have the stinkiest mess ever and less than 5 minutes after I get out - the door bell rings.

I rush to the door and am eternally grateful that I have dogs and shout to the repair man that I need to put the dogs away one moment.
I then rush to do just that and check the toilet for you know - any trails (MEN you're not the only one - us ladies have this too!) and did a double flush and scrub.
I let the guy in and when I show him the bathroom I am nearly knocked out by my own stench.

How embarrassing.  But I pretend as if it's the smell of roses floating in the air and hold my breath and go to another room to let him do his job.  He also does a great poker face.
Meanwhile I madly tap out a message to my BF in Canada about this horrific ordeal and she just laughed and my other Facebook friends said thankfully he's probably used to these kinds of smells :).

Note to self - hold it.  Just hold it.  Or become a plumber...
BIMU

A Side of Autism: New friends!

I had no idea how relieving it was to make a friend.
Of course I'm happy to say I know several people that I consider friends - both near and (very) far!

But I'm also happy to announce that we finally have a friend that is also in a similar situation as us.
I reached out in a Facebook group of mothers in my area asking if anyone knew someone with an autistic child because I could really use the peer support.

Not that SH isn't a great listener but I'm sure he's busy thinking of a hundred other things than to be bothered listening to me nag, complain and worry about everything regularly!  So in the end I just feel as if I'm nagging his ear off.
And who wants that?!

I have inquired about peer support from our social worker and we had been invited to events where it's for the whole family to join but because it's strictly in Finnish and my Finnish is so not ready for intensive discussion about jumping, teeth grinding and climbing and food snatching from strangers - that we haven't gone.  That or something else has come up.
I also find it a bit intimidating (yet exciting a bit!) to go to these group events, especially with a potential language barrier and not knowing a single person there.  But that's just me.

Right, so I reached out to a local foreign mothers only group and right away got a message from someone saying they knew someone who could probably use a friend like me too.

I got in touch with this lady, KC and turns out that her boy "Tops" as she calls him in her blog also has autism - diagnosed about a year ago.
Turns out we have a mutual friend through the university - so that's nice too and it also shows how tiny Jyväskylä can be! :)
We quickly got chatting on Facebook and it was just a huge relief to know someone and getting to know someone personally (as opposed to just reading complete strangers' blogs...like you might be doing by reading mine... :) ) and we seemed to hit it off right away.

Well, last weekend we decided on a play date - or as much play as the kids wanted with each other and met at a local fenced-in playground.

Tops and A-Man deciding which is the most dangerous route to take!

It was great to chit chat with another parent in a similar situation and I think for me it was very therapeutic!

The first thing I noticed about Tops - who like many autistic children come off as quite neuro-typical for the first five minutes (at least to me) -  is that he has the most happiest personality!

He was super happy, very kind and extremely clever with climbing and balancing!  I think so much that A-Man tried to follow him!

Also the first thing I heard was the grinding of teeth.  And for that moment - it wasn't MY V-Man!
Of course V-Man did some teeth grinding, along with munching on an apple - but it was nice to meet another parent who has to hear it too! :)
For me it's the equivalent of nails on a chalk board - I can't stand either one and having it come from my kids' mouths but ah well.

We were able to discuss when our children were diagnosed, how did we know (or not), how we felt about autism and the diagnosis by doctors of "mental retardation", whether or not autistic children could truly benefit from having siblings, and so on.

So if you're able to find another parent with a similar condition as your own child - I truly recommend it!
It's a great way to vent, learn and exchange ideas and in general I think it's better for one's sanity - just knowing there's someone else who's going through a difficult patch that you can talk to - makes the world of a difference than being alone and bottling it up.
And it's so nice because they understand and they're not judging your child for playing with odd objects, screaming or walking on their toes or flapping their hands or being obsessed about particular things!

BIMU

"No Pain, No Gain"

Well if that ^ isn't the truth then I don't know what is anymore.

I went to the hospital thirty minutes early today, took an ibuprofen and read a book I started a couple days ago - a Jack Reacher novel by Lee Child (my first one!).
Anyhow, I waited and waited and my appointment time came and left...the procedure's only supposed to take up to ten minutes so I was confused why I waited nearly forty-five minutes but anyhow.
Finally it was my turn and I walked into a room with two female nurses and a male doctor waiting to do the procedure.
The doctor clearly explained the point of Essure and it was everything I had read about in English (in case the doctor didn't speak English or very well) and I was prepared.

I had expected some pain relievers beforehand, as I read online that some women got a needle down south so they were numb and couldn't feel anything.
That was not my case.

It was honestly a really cool procedure - I don't dare say "surgery" because no incisions were made and I wasn't knocked out for it.  The nurses strapped my feet into these black Donald Duck-like boots on stirrups and as I was shimmying my butt down closer to the doctor he decided it was prime time for some small talk.
Just mostly chit chat about my children's names and why we went with Finnish names and the nurses spoke with me in Finnish asking what languages they spoke and so on.
They thought A-Man's samples of Finnglish were adorable and then there was a camera placed inside.
It was really slender and tiny - didn't even know he had placed it inside, had it not been for the jumbo flat screen behind his head up on the wall for me to see my insides.
They also flushed my insides with saline water so they could see everything clearly...so afterwards - do have a pad in your underwear because it'll be raining down there for awhile.

Once my Fallopian tubes were found - he showed me the tiny Essure coil and then click click - he inserted it.  He was able to do this all from this tube-like device (trust me - I would've taken photos if I had my phone in my hand - it was that neat!) - so there was no need for jumbo male doctor fingers to go inside.
Is it just me or do I always get doctors with long finger nails or jumbo log-sized fingers?!

That's when the pain started.  Good grief!
I thought and expected some pain of course - but once they were in and the camera removed - I put my underwear and pants on and was ready to pass out from the pain.

Have you ever been in labour before?  Or had serious crohn's pains?  Or severe period pains?
Or maybe you've had migraines that were super nasty and you were nearly blinded by the pain?
On top of all that mushed up together - you were also kinda hungry since you weren't allowed to eat or drink 4-6 hours prior.
That was me.

The doctor inquired how I felt during the procedure and I told him bluntly that it didn't hurt until he put the second coil in and I may as well be in labour right now.
He looked at me trying to hold my tears back and requested some pain relief from the nurse for me.
"Do many women feel like they're having contractions right after this?!  Why is this so ridiculously painful?  And I don't mean emotional pain - this is CONTRACTION pain!" I grunted at him - tears pouring down my face.

It wasn't enough.  They gave me 1.4 grams (plus the 400 grams I had 45 minutes before going in) in painkillers and also a shot of direct pain relief into the back of my hip/arse.
I laid in a recovery room bed - thankfully alone and just sobbed.
Finally the drugs started to kick in enough that I could walk slowly and I went on the bus - since I needed groceries anyway.  The nurses were super nice and even the doctor took a peek in on me lying in bed and they told me I'll have an appointment in August some time to test the tubes and see if they're blocked or not.

I grabbed some Subway and got a bit of groceries that I could carry comfortably and the pain seemed to subside (thank goodness).
While eating my sandwich I saw a very pregnant lady waddle into the mall and was quickly reminded that this pain (should be!) is temporary and the reason for getting Essure - is because I don't want to be pregnant again.
3 is enough and we're more than happy with that.

So - no pain, no gain indeed.
BIMU

*Update: It's the morning after and I'm happy to let you know I'm not feeling any pain at all!

Let's Chat Apps: Whatsapp

If you have internet on your phone or at least Wi-Fi - I definitely recommend downloading Whatsapp!
Whatsapp allows you to send instant messages, photos, videos and even call them (haven't tried this but a friend said it works) - no matter where they live or what phone they use.
*Nokia, Apple, Windows, Blackberry and Android friendly and with each other

It's free for the first year and after that it's 99 US cents a year. 0 ads - another perk!
I use it to keep in touch with my friends abroad and even with the friends in Finland too!

I prefer this over Facebook Messenger, which I think is silly having to have that feature for the Facebook app, so I got rid of that and just use Facebook on the internet (on a proper computer) or on the browser on my phone for the sake of reading and responding to messages.

The only problem I have is adding people (non Finnish phone numbers) to my Whatsapp list.  There's usually + signs involved and extra 0 and 1 - just a mess.
So I usually try and get my friends to add me instead if I can't get them in my phone contacts list.

SH doesn't want internet usage on his phone - so I recommended he got an iPhone so we can have the iMessage feature and have free texting whenever and wherever in the world.
He travels about 2-3 times a year abroad - so this would be a lot more budget friendly if he didn't want to use internet abroad.  Or if he doesn't have internet where he is - which has happened several times! :)

Anyway I'm watching Jim Gaffigan's "Mr. Universe" on Netflix! :) 
BIMU

See Ya Later

I think it's quite safe to say we are personally done with having children.
Growing up I envisioned one boy and one girl, as I had grown up, and if you add an extra boy in there-that's what we have.
I'm pretty sure I wrote about this before but I really was surprised about getting pregnant the third time. It was not planned and quite unexpected but we kept the baby and she's a wonderful addition to our family.

I have thought long and hard about what I'm going to write next so I'll just come out with it.
Had I known about V-Man's autism diagnosis-prior to planning our second pregnancy, I probably would've been against having more children. However, we were already expecting during his tests and that's the way things go.

Not that I hate my other two kids or want the V-Man growing up lonely!!
I just see it from the perspective that I and SH could put 100% effort into his PECS, therapy and maybe he'd be better or further along in his development.
He's doing great at the daycare and seems to be getting better at communicating what he wants by dragging us to the item or location, or by bringing the item he wants to us.
He's eating a lot better and trying new foods that we feared would never ever happen up to two years ago!
I'd say our % of trying therapies with him at home is under 50%.

We try to make up for it by taking him places, hiking, swimming everyday in the summer, encouraging him to explore outside (typically fenced in playgrounds or out in the woods) and inside as well with different textures and smells (ie cooking).
Also SH pointed out that siblings can teach a lot of things that therapy and daycare simply couldn't, like: compassion, bullying and defending yourself and social skills.

So based on previous experience with getting pregnant with M-Girl and knowing SH wouldn't go for a vasectomy - we looked at all of our options.

A) A vasectomy had a waiting list in Finland of at least two years. Women seemed to have half the wait time.
B) An IUD is great but needs to be replaced every five years or so.
C) The pill typically works but I do experience pregnancy-like symptoms regularly and often miss my period, despite having been finished breastfeeding four months ago.

I'm super fertile and I know it. The last thing we want is to bring another child into our life and not have any sanity left at all. Or patience for the three kids we have. Or end up hating each other and getting a divorce. Or not being able to split our attention evenly among each child.
And if a fourth child (or more) had "something" like the V-Man? I just don't think we could handle it.

So what did I decide on?
Essure.

I had a discussion with my doctor and told her quite firmly that three is more than enough for us. They're now at the age they are fighting and not quite grasping the idea of how sharing works - so yeah - 3 is enough!
I was told this is a permanent procedure and is quite effective. After the coils are inserted into your Fallopian tubes, there is a three months waiting period to ensure your tubes have grown over them and some dye is inserted to see if it gets past the (should be) blocked tubes. If it doesn't leak past - awesome it works and you no longer require birth control like condoms or pills.
Of course nothing is 100%.
I am scheduled to have this procedure done tomorrow around lunch time and I hope all goes well.
I'm reading reviews and some women have had awesome experiences, while others have not.
Some have even gotten pregnant after having the procedure done and having had the blocked tube test done too!
Holy nerve wrecking but trying to be positive! :)

I haven't shared this decision with many people - so please don't be offended if you're reading this for the first time!
Some friends have told me they'd rather their husband/boyfriend to do it and that they don't like the idea of having that part of their womanhood removed or not in use.
However, I have a husband with a condition that any amount of stress can cause flare ups and he'd be in more pain than he can tolerate and I can't afford to have him sick at home and in a lot of pain (read: mostly useless with helping me with the kids!).
And it should be noted it's not that he wouldn't get it done!  Just those stress flare ups are too much.
I also don't feel (and won't) less womanly by doing this.  Why should I?
I've been fortunate enough to have three children and I'm done.  I'd do it one more time as a surrogacy for my closest friend here - but seeing as that's illegal in Finland - I am not able to.

Off to watch Daredevil on Netflix!
BIMU

PS: Daredevil is pretty good! SH wasn't a fan of the Ben Affleck movie - but so far so good.

BIMU Reviews: Pannukakku Talo

Yesterday it was girl day.  I haven't had one in ages with M-Girl - so we opted to go for a small play date with some friends and pick up some clothes their daughter had outgrown and because I heard so many things about Pannukakku Talo (Pancake Building/House)  - thought we'd give it a try!
I realize she's 1 and probably doesn't care about Mommy and Me time at all - but I think it's important to try and spend a bit of time with each child - so that's what we did. :)

Friends told me that:

A) You pay first at the counter then you get a number and can go sit down.

B) There's a play area for children in a corner.

C) The portions are fairly large and filling.  Worth every cent!

I was hoping to try it out before with a knitting group but due to potential allergies - we decided to avoid the place to be safe.
*I asked the restaurant via their Facebook page and they DO have the following options for those with these allergies:

• Milk-free
• Lactose-free
• Gluten-free
• Eggs-free

The menu is available in English up front and after quickly scanning it and being quite hungry, as I had walked a lot - I picked the salmon pancake and for dessert - apple and cinnamon.

Salmon pancake served with a slice of lemon and dill sprinkled on top!
Might sound really weird - having savory toppings on a pancake but it was really quite nice!

Apple cinnamon pancake served with whipped cream and a light dusting of powdered sugar.

The salmon pancake I was more nervous about because I worried there would be only a few pieces of salmon and scattered far and wide - however!  That wasn't the case!

Lots of lovely salmon and dill scattered all over the pancake and it was nice and hot and lovely.

The apple cinnamon one came with whipped cream - I believe all the dessert/sweet pancakes do (I was seated near the kitchen door and saw the waitresses zoom in and out with orders)!

We didn't have to wait very long for our salmon pancake and opted to drink water with our meal.
I noticed the customers around me seemed quite pleased with their food and our waitress did ask if everything was alright half-way through our meal, which was nice!

I was absolutely stuffed after having the salmon pancake - and I was sharing it with M-Girl!  But we trucked on and took on the apple cinnamon one as well.

There is aluminum foil for you to wrap up any leftovers you may want to take home and they do offer take-out!

I had one friend comment on Facebook that he wasn't very pleased with the service and his comment was:

"Sorry, but I've been there several times and the service was terrible every time. There is never enough staff, tables are left uncleared, people queuing at the entrance for ages to get seated. When you get to the counter no staff to take your order as have to help in the kitchen, clear tables, refill coffee counter etc........."

Thankfully that wasn't our case - as it would've been a real kill joy on a first visit.
I got there after the lunch rush - the tables were mostly full and filling - but I suppose it's all in the timing!  (And on a Saturday at that!)

Anyhow, I highly recommend it as I had a very pleasant experience there with the food, presentation and timing!

I'm sure if M-Girl could speak she would agree as she ate about half of each pancake herself!
I also noticed several other families there with young children and a young man with his service dog was in there as well.

I look forward to going again and trying the other savory pancakes! :)
BIMU

*Funky highlighted text thanks to the joys of copying and pasting Facebook text.

A Side of Autism: Strangers Being Nice

I'm a huge fan of "Autism Daddy"'s blog and I remember reading once that someone tried to help him and Autism Mommy out with Kyle and it was kind of worse than being ignored or stared at.

I read it thinking, "I don't get it but I sort of do."

Now, after our recent trip to the hospital (7 14+ days ago), I get it.

V-Man despises hospitals, clinics, doctors and it doesn't matter if you're touching him, trying to listen to his heart/lungs, stabbing him with a vaccine or checking his ears - he hates you.
He hates the environment of hospitals and clinics and it doesn't matter that your scrubs are colourful or the standard sea green...it also doesn't matter how many times you offer him a bucket of stickers either.

The only way to keep him relatively close for any amount of time and not having him try to bolt out the doors while we wait, is to have a phone fully charged and ready with his favourite Youtube videos.  They are indeed bookmarked on my phone.

I try to remember to bring a snack or two, a bottle of water and some item for him to fiddle with and keep him calm.
I'm lucky to remember his social security ID card for check in.

As was the situation last week couple of weeks ago - I dragged him out the door so fast - I forgot his card, forgot his snack, forgot everything and my phone was at 50%.

Not so smart.

After nearly drowning himself in water - based on how much he was drinking from the cooler in the wait room - and realizing I didn't have diapers for him (should he have an overflowing moment) - I played "mean Mommy" and said no.
"Sorry bud - you can't have more water because I forgot your diaper and who knows how long we have to wait for."

That's okay.  He decided he doesn't want water anymore but WOW check out the buttons on the vending machine beside the cooler for all those different kinds of pop!

1. He doesn't drink pop - he's 5.
2. He's tried it and doesn't like the fizzy feeling usually.
3. He's never asked for vending machine drinks before.
4. I didn't have any coins on me anyway.

I hate to sound like an un-grateful person - however this other patient happened to have a 2€ coin in his pocket and he sidled over and popped it into the machine and asked V-Man which one he wanted.
I didn't bother telling him he was autistic and doesn't drink pop and that he's only 5 and his mother forgot diapers and so on.

So I just tried to appreciate the fact that a complete stranger was treating V-Man like any other child and getting him a soda for the sake of making him happy.

V-Man got a bottle of Pepsi Next and was thrilled.  I was hoping HE would be happy with just having a bottle to shake and lick and drop repeatedly and so on.
But no.  Of course not - he wanted me to open it and let him drink it.

I thanked the stranger with the 2€ in his pocket and tried to calm V-Man who began a massive tantrum/melt-down over me not giving him pop.
Wow was I thrilled for the doctor to call his name 30 seconds (longest 30 seconds ever other than while in labour) later!

I guess my ideal outcome for this kind of situation is if the polite stranger had asked me if he could help by giving V-Man the 2€ to buy a bottle of pop - then it would have opened up the oppourtunity for me to politely and firmly decline it.
Not because I want to be a mean mom but because:

• I don't want my kids thinking that if they cry and scream and fight long enough - they'll get what they want.
• He's 5 and doesn't even like pop.  He would've had one little sip (had I let him) and made a face then pushed it away.
• V-Man has to somehow learn that mommy doesn't always (hardly ever!) carry coins for these machines - sorry kiddo.

Never mind the fact that I've been cutting back greatly on my consumption of fizzy drinks!

I gave that Pepsi Next to SH when I got home.  

Well, once the doctor looked over his blood work to confirm NO infection and that the nose is most likely broken but nothing can be done until the swelling goes down - he was thrilled to leave.  And I can't blame him.

Anyway I'm off to bed - busy week coming up!
BIMU