Quick Hello

I'll be the first to admit that the best thing about my husband travelling abroad for work is that I get to cook and eat whatever I want without having to worry about his Crohn's disease depicting our menu or his complaining and nagging (it's rare trust me) about the flat smelling like fish or garlic.

I am kindly reminded every time he goes away how tough it is to be a single parent.
I regularly write in my blog about how all the single parents in the world need a freaking high five multiplied by a million.
I also regularly feel like killing my husband during these times because something either in or out of his control occurs to f*ck up his travel plans (see video here - "My Husband Sucks At Travelling"), I'm usually sicker than a pack of dogs with a horrendous flu (so far so good *KNOCK ON WOOD*), one of the kids has to go to the hospital (again, *knock on wood*) or some other crazy stuff occurs.

Thankfully, there were some cancellations for overnight care so we lucked out and he has a spot there again tomorrow straight until Hubster gets back home.
And he just came home today from overnight care and I'm already debating on how long I can hide in the bathroom (door locked obviously) and devour some ice-cream.

I treated myself to a shower today (i.e. something longer than 2½ minutes) and my nostrils are burning from the stench of V-Man's perma-poo smell.
I've managed to jam A-Man's fingers in the storage locker (read: heavy metal cellar door) while closing it quickly, as I was running late to get the V-Man, and A-Man thought it would be wise to shove his fingers between the hinges.
His screams got Milo barking upstairs, M-Girl screaming - everyone screaming or howling in some fashion.  (Except me of course - that'd be so 4 years old.)

But I'm surviving and I'm being braver with asking for help from friends.  Because if I don't ask for help (stupid me for taking M-Girl and A-Man out of daycare thinking it'd be easier) - I get overwhelmed by the screaming, the crying, the fists flying and the self-abusing V-Man.
I can't count to 10 silently in my head and take a deep breath.  Wish I could but when it's the heat of the moment - I'm just not able to.
Kudos to those who can back away from a stressful, screaming situation and just pause and reflect.

Currently, I busted A-Man for jumping off the sofa and landing hard on his arse on a bag of yarn.
He thought it was funny - and he continuously thinks it's funny until he gets hurt of course.
He started crying and of course set M-Girl and V-Man had his hand up and ready to slap his face if A-Man didn't stop immediately.

Anyways, I'll be "Staying Alive" and trying not to freak as V-Man rubs my boobs (like I can't tell what he's trying to do or FEEL IT), kids drown themselves in movies for the night and wait for my friend to come over so I can walk the dogs for longer than 15 minutes.
I can't walk the dogs for long or at all with V-Man at home alone because he will seek and destroy things, open the door and so on.  The only way to keep him inside is by double-locking the doors from the outside or chaining it.
And with him and A-Man always fighting - better to have a friend over for supper instead - so much easier.

Your friendly neighbourhood part-time Momster and full-time "No" broken record,
BIMU

PS Tonight is going to be a Ben & Jerry's night once they're all asleep.  Wish me luck.

"An Experience"

We were recently invited to a birthday party of a friend's daughter's - who was turning the big 0-5 and I wanted to be sure of what kind of gift to give.
Last year we gave some pretty awesome pajamas and a Dr. Seuss book and maybe even a quickly sewn blanket to go with (I can't remember).
This year because she's 5 and she probably knows what she wants compared to her younger toddler years - I figured it'd be best to find out what she wanted or more importantly, NEEDED and go with it.

This year, I asked what we could get the birthday girl "E".  E's mom said that they would prefer less on the materialistic side because they want to raise their child with more experiences instead.  And also they only had so much space for more toys - fair enough!

I loved the idea and instantly thought one of the following:

• Movie tickets
• Restaurant gift card
• Hop Lop (indoor play arena) gift card

I had to clarify after a day of thinking what she meant by "experiences".

She kindly explained that it didn't have to be expensive.  It could be an experience of something they could do as a family or with another family.

Fair enough.  Now I had to re-think things and be mindful of our own budget too.

These were the things I thought of:

• Little indoor garden kit - herb garden or beans or something... (boring)
• Nail polish (I'm sure the father would love this..ha.) (messy)
• Cooking or baking utensils - but they probably have a lot already...
• Hiking with us - but they're probably going to do that at some point anyhow - so not very "special" in terms of birthday-ness.
• Handicraft kit - but if the parents don't know how to do it - sure they could learn online or ask questions - it might just be more frustrating for everyone involved.

So as I was cruising through Pinterest (part of my bed time routine - some people wear face masks - I use Pinterest!) - I came across cookie mix in a jar.

So simple and I had 99% of the ingredients at home.

I just needed a jar, some sort of ribbon and a birthday card to write the ingredients and instructions.

BOOM DONE.

I can't find the recipe I used but it was some sort of M&M cookie mix! I figure they're more or less the same depending on how sweet you like your cookies!
That's 2 cups of flour on the bottom - at least I can remember that!

So if you don't know how one of these puppies work it's fairly simple (and obviously you should buy a better sized jar than I did - or fill that up with small cookie cutters or something).

You layer the dry ingredients (flour, baking soda or powder, sugar(s), cocoa powder and candies) in a neat and tight fashion (press down especially if you need the space!) and then put a lid on top.

You can get all fancy pants with it and use a Sharpie, stickers or labels or nice ribbons to decorate it and usually there's a tag involved (I was already over an hour late for this party) - with the instructions.  You can stick the label on the outside of the jar or inside or in a card or on your forehead - I'm sure it'd be greatly appreciated ;) .

Usually an egg or milk or butter is involved and of course the baking instructions!

And guess what?  You don't have to make cookie mix.

You can make brownie mix, bread mix, hot chocolate mixes...the possibilities are endless!

Just be sure to put only the dry ingredients in the jar eh? :)

Here's some fabulous ideas from Pinterest!
Just look up "Mason Jar cookie mixes" or recipes or "brownies/bread" whatever you want mixes :D

These would make great gifts for any season or event and excellent party favours (you can find smaller batched recipes for smaller sized jars online too).

Cheers,
BIMU

PS I don't remember the measurements but here's what I put in that jar:

• 2 Cups of flour
• 2 tsp of baking soda (or maybe it was only 1 - like I said - don't quote me on this!)
• 3/4 Cup of brown sugar
• 1/4 Cup of white sugar
• A good shaking of hot chocolate powder mix :D
• 1 bag of M&M-like chocolate candies
  
  Then I scribbled instructions on her birthday card.

Things V-Man Does - That He Probably Shouldn't.

Here's a list off the top of  my head of things that the V-Man does (or did) that is generally not accepted by society for a neuro-typical child.

I'm okay with some of it honestly because he is very touch-sensitive with his lips and smelling things is quite important to him.
And oh right - he has that side-kick autism to give him a hand.

• Shoving things up his nose - actually no, I'm not too okay with this one - as it caused swelling in his nose and we accused A-Man of breaking it with the Hulk toy.
• His recent attempt was a piece of gum he chewed.  Caught that one though - before it entered Nostril - The Black Hole.
• Now - our fingers or his - whichever goes!
• Jump.  He jumps a lot - he's starting to find other things to do - but jumping for him is an expression of his own happiness.  Who am I to say no to that?  Unless it's going to hurt him or endanger someone else of course...
• Eat with his hands - hello sensory overload.  Hello life skills!  Cave men started out that way and I'm cool with the V-Man touching his food so he feels comfortable enough to eat it.
• Sniff his food.
• Touch food to his lips but doesn't eat it for a few minutes.
• Put his pizza toppings down on a table (we aim for a plate) and then eats it.  Why?  No idea why he does it but guess what?  A table can be wiped - so I've learned to get over it.
• Kick his shoes off when eating in public - maybe his feet are too hot.  Maybe he wants more toe wiggling space.  Maybe he wants to be comfortable eating and wearing shoes weighs him down.  I have no idea - but he doesn't fight when it comes to putting them back on - so that's cool.
• But now he undresses - at least his snow suit when eating at Subway...
• Wipe his hands on his head - no idea why he does this.  Maybe he just doesn't get what napkins are for.
• Grope tatas/boobs/breasts - we're trying to get him to quit this one as it's highly annoying to me and probably quite offensive to others.
• Rummaging through strangers' bags - another one we're trying to work on.  And it truly freaks people out whenever this happens - especially if it's a Finnish person because they're quite reserved and private...and there's my 6-year old checking what groceries they bought.
• He did this to a young man of maybe 18 and he was mega awkward and just walked backwards a bit...which of course the V-Man took as a "I'mma gonna stalk you challenge"....then the bus came and the guy ran away.
• Strip.  Without fail - every birthday involves at least one of my children stripping.  Don't ask me why - as I have no frickin' clue.  But typically it's when the V-Man wants to wear pajamas - he'll strip.  Or when he needs a diaper change.
• Yes - we've played the "find his dirty diaper" game before.  Yuck is correct.
• Stealing food.  By "stealing" - I mean taking food from other people's plates at parties, overloading his own tummy at parties or just flat out taking food he didn't ask for.  How in the world he's not ill on the regular - I don't know.
• Not nap.  Trust me - I'd love it if he still napped but he stopped around 3 years old and shows no interest in napping at day-care/school or overnight care and definitely not at home.  This leads to an earlier bed time and a more solid night of sleep!

I'm sure I'm missing a lot of things but again, off the top of my head and for the sake of getting this blog post out there - these are some things!
:)
BIMU

Happy Birthday V-Man

Dearest V-Man,

You're 6 years old and I cannot believe it. 3:23am 6 years ago was one of the most biggest reliefs ever!  We didn't know your gender and we didn't care.  You were our first and a surprise!
I truly remember most details of my whole pregnancy with you and of course, our move from Canada to Finland.
I remember all those times you felt the need to play peek-a-boo instead of being born already.  (There was a lot of swearing and threats in my delivery room that night.)
I try to forget and I mostly have forgotten what it was like before your diagnosis - because all I remember was a lot of tears and screaming from both of us.
I've calculated that we've changed approximately 3650 dirty diapers (assuming 10 a day or more- seriously) - but we're still alive.
Enough of this negative junk...

These past three years - you have surpassed our expectations in so many little things that they heavily outweigh those first two years of your toddler-hood scream fest.
Your smile and infectious giggle lights up our world - you don't even know how happy it makes us. It is impossible to not follow suit after seeing how happy you are.
Your eagerness to help out with the dishes or the laundry - and yes, it quite often means half a bottle of soap is gone - but the thing is you tried.  Or when we can't find piles of folded clean laundry because you took it upon yourself to shove it all into your dresser drawers.  Even though the clothes weren't yours.
The way your face lights up when you figure something out is also precious.  I cherish these the most because it teaches you SO many things like cause and effect, basic life skills and fun.
Even though you put a pore strip package into the Xbox One and we had to buy a new one because it totally broke the machine...
Your ability to trust someone is so grand and I truly hope that nobody will break your heart and lose your trust because yours is overflowing and special.

For someone with quite a diagnosis- you have taught us lots of things.
Here's a list of some of them.

• Be silly - always.  No need to be serious ALL THE TIME.
• Think outside the box.  Find different ways to communicate, to express, to play and to love.
• Laugh.  Laugh because you can and because you want to and don't care what others are thinking.  Even when it seems like you're laughing at nothing.
• Just try.  There are so many times I have thought and accused you of pushing your boundaries and really - you were just trying to learn something new.  Once I realized this and thought outside the box and in line with your thinking (so it may be) - it got super interesting watching you do what you do.
• Equality & fairness.  Everyone in your eyes gets fair and equal treatment.  Us, your siblings, the dogs, the neighbours, the bus driver, the strangers that stare, the kinder strangers who smile your way.  It says a lot that you see everyone as equal.  A grand lesson many could learn from.
• Express yourself.  It might not look or sound lovely when you're upset.  But you express yourself the only ways you know how and can cope with.  Something I tend to bottle up inside are my emotions but you toss them at us freely and in the rawest form.
  Thank you.

We look forward to what you come up with next and we want you to know that we appreciate and love you for who you are and as you are.

XOXO
BIMU

Meet Milo

I don't know if I believe in ghosts or religion or anything like that to be honest - but I totally believe in signs.

A few nights ago I had a sweet dream of lying in bed with Blue (who has since passed away 2 months ago) and I asked if it was okay if we got another dog because Loki is so darn lonely.
He nodded, took a deep breath and put his front leg on my arm and we snuggled tight and I woke up - yep you guessed it - a sobbing mess.

I took it as a sign that things will be okay and I didn't feel so bad about adopting another dog.

I know we didn't plan on having a second dog - so I had already sold a bunch of Blue's stuff already - thinking we truly wouldn't get another.
Loki as a solo dog is fantastic!  He doesn't bark, he's easy to walk, he responds well to clicker training - so why bother getting another?

Because Loki is pretty depressed.  He doesn't howl or bark when he's alone - and we tried putting calming music videos for him while we were away.  But still - as soon as he saw we were leaving without him - he'd sulk away.  And whenever we came home - we were nearly tackled with his 35 kg body.

It was time to look for another one.

I know there are several dogs being flown into Finland from countries that cannot care for them due to overpopulation - i.e. Spain, Cyprus etc. - but they were quite expensive.
Of course it covered sterilization, vaccines and their flight ticket (almost 500€) but I couldn't justify paying that much for a dog - regardless of its breed or sad story.  Trust me - I'm a sucker for sad stories!

After some time - I found Milo.  A Karelian Bear Dog mix with a striking looking face and he was wearing a scarf in his photo - I mean, who can't resist a dog in accessories?!  Well, my husband for one can - but anyway.  Even HE was impressed by the scarf!

Anyway, after bouncing the idea around and finding out we had to wait for another family - who were ahead of us - we got confirmation last Sunday that we'd be getting him and my lovely neighbour and I zipped out there with Loki in tow.

The first meeting was a bit awkward as I didn't know he would be SO protective of his home and lunge at me.
I was trying to remain calm and not break a sweat or have him smell fear.  I've never been bitten or attacked by a dog - and I certainly didn't want to experience it any time soon.
After I passed his sniff test - I was allowed in his home and we decided that since we drove 3 hours to see him - we may as well adopt him and bring him back home.

He barked the whole way home and managed to get into the front seat during the last forty-five minutes of the trip.

I know not everyone thinks it's a great idea getting another dog - it's obviously not the smartest idea I've had in the world.
Milo has issues we need to work on and we'll be working with a trainer next week to try and smooth out the few bumps he has in his behaviour. :)  Like barking, being extremely protective of me during our night walks, separation anxiety and stealing food...
But as you can see in the photo - Loki is pretty darn happy and so is Milo - and that's what matters.

It's been 6 days and Milo has experienced a lot of firsts in such a short time!
Like being off leash in the woods, going to a dog park, living with another dog, travelling by bus and learning clicker training.
Something really special is that when V-Man first met Milo - he immediately went over to pet him and that was that.  Milo immediately sniffed the air and around V-Man and noticed something different and doesn't mind V-Man's erratic moves - which can be quite unpredictable!

"With love and patience, nothing is impossible." - Daisaku Ikeda
BIMU

PS You can meet Milo here on YouTube!

#Seeamazing

Sorry it's been awhile - you know how it is!
I'm finally done my Finnish language course and exams and am eagerly awaiting to find out if I got a cooking school position in the new year.

Some big changes have happened to my blog lately - well, more so my Facebook page and I'm still in shock.

I don't know if you heard - but Sesame Street is rolling out an autism awareness initiative program and I think it's a fantastic idea!
I've already seen the first music video, "The Amazing Song" - and I was so touched and amazed with it - I sobbed my eyes out.
It was AMAZING because I saw kids in that video that looked just like my V-Man.  Kids that screamed and cried, communicated not with their voice but with a tablet or pictures....kids that also smiled and were amazed by the simplest of things.
Poor Hubster didn't know what to do with my overflow of emotions (or why I was THAT ecstatic) - he just hid in the bathroom.
Then I filmed a video right away - while I could express exactly how I was feeling in that specific moment.  I had already filmed a video and honestly, couldn't even tell you what it was about - I was such a sobby-happy mess.  (I guess "sobby" isn't a word - but you know what I mean!)

So this video went viral I guess - of me blubbering and crying and thanking not only Sesame Street - but "Autism Daddy" for helping with their project too and I really didn't think Autism Daddy/Frank from Sesame Street - would ever see my video.
I was floored and beyond starstruck when I got a mention from his Facebook page, a few hundred new followers and he commented on my video personally - that yes, he did see it and was happy I liked it and that I made him cry too.
*Cue the water works* and my husband wondering if someone died.
Yep - that's me - a crying machine.

Anyway, I'm still in shock and I wanted to address all of this in a blog post (before I pick up my dog - Milo!).

A friend shared the Sesame Street autism awareness program on her Facebook and wished her daughters were still into SS.  I said I think it's worth getting them to watch it because it's an excellent way of educating neurotypical children about what autism is.
If my V-Man didn't have autism - I'd still watch the whole thing and get my kids to watch it too. Here's why:

1. It shows what autism is in a positive manner.  That's not to say that autism is so incredibly awesome and everyday is perfect - but that autism isn't the WORST possible thing in the world.
2. It shows what autism is in a safe environment.  There are some autistic children who react to meeting new people in a negative or violent/aggressive way - or heck - they're having a crap-ass day too.  So being able to show this to a child in an environment that's determined by you, the parent, makes it possible.
1. This would also be awesome to watch in schools/day-cares.
3. Maybe you don't know anyone with autistic kids to try and meet up and have a play-date with.  That's certainly true for where we live.  We know two - one is 13 with verbal capabilities and the other is 4 with semi-verbal capability.
1. Maybe your child is recently diagnosed and currently you're lost and confused as to how best to help your child.
4. It doesn't hurt to educate your child that there are children/people in the world different from them. Not everyone can speak, hear, see or walk on both legs.  

I was a wee bit embarrassed to post a sobbing video of myself - but I'm glad to report that the response has been positive and a lot of people felt the same way too.

And the best thing that came out of it - was being able to connect with SO many families in the same boat as me and having this new community to be part of - no matter where we live.

So thank you so much for making my week.  

I appreciate each and every one of you reaching out to me - it means the world to me! :)
xo BIMU

A Side of Autism: Time For a Reality Check (and Music Therapy!)

So if you didn't know - I've been filming YouTube videos lately mostly "vlogging" (video blogging) my experience (thus far) as a mother of 3 kids and 1 having autism and another with SLI.
I will be filming about other topics soon - but so far - the things that have come up most frequently in my life lately - has been V-Man's autism!
That and a friend has asked me a list of questions - so I thought it'd be cool to try and make short less than 10-minutes videos about those various topics!

He's currently at overnight care and I took a short 39-seconds long video of what a V-Man melt-down is like (then added some of my own vlogging in there).
So please, turn down the volume PRIOR to watching it or don't watch it at work because your co-worker is probably wondering why you're watching such a sad and torturous video!
As you can see in it, he's screaming, yelling and slapping/pinching himself.
He was actually quite easy on himself to be honest!!  Normally it's a straight 5-minutes (or more) of slapping his own face.  He was just done with music therapy and wanted to leave and he couldn't figure out how to open the door.

A few weeks ago, I was approached by a Master's student inquiring if I'd be interested in having the V-Man try out some music therapy.
I warned the Master's Student (MS) that V-Man is non-verbal, I'm not sure how he'd react or if he'd even sit in one spot for 30-45 minutes...and I stressed that I was worried it'd be a waste of time for him.
MS said it was fine because he wanted to study children of a particular age and with both a disability and without.  The key thing for HIM is that the kids understood English to some degree - as the instructions and songs would be in English.

The first meeting was a brief intro and once V-Man discovered the CD-player - he was done with learning about instruments or singing songs.
I'm happy to say that the second meeting (it's twice a week until almost Christmas) was more successful on my end because he was familiar with the bus stop compared to the first meeting - where he kicked and screamed and I had to drag/carry him to the building.  So that made it easier.
He even touched the drums with his feet (which we had to nip in the bud because he wanted to stand on them) and then with his hands nicely.

WAHOO!

Then I started filming during the good-bye song because V-Man was having a melt-down and was just simply done with it all.

I have been debating internally with myself on whether or not I should post this video but then I thought, "Why not?"

Here's my reasoning, before you think I'm a crazy parent:

• I didn't start the tantrum/melt-down.  I didn't want to - but I did want to show my friends and family and also others - what it's really like for us to have an autistic child cry.  
• The oppourtunity to share a snippet of his actions was enough for me and I believe, enough for your own ears too.  
• Just imagine hours of this on and off throughout a day...
• That I really don't beat my kid and that those slaps and pinches are truly self-inflicted.  Not that I think nobody believes me - but also if you see another child with a disability - perhaps they really did do it to themselves.  Here's my proof that my kid does it to himself at least.
• That not all autistic children react the same.  The spectrum is huge and the big league scientists are constantly trying to figure out what an autistic person feels/thinks like.
• I wouldn't put all of the autistic kids I know in one group and say they're the same because they're not.
• It is in NO WAY a "shaming" video because that is simply not my intent whatsoever.  It's my only way to share what he's truly like when having a melt-down.  Other than have him visit you and have one in front of you.
• I have no reason and no urge to embarrass my children so publicly on a platform like a blog or YouTube - especially since I would never want the same to happen to me.  So please keep an open mind when watching the video.

I cannot soothe him properly in this video because I am filming (and with limited memory space on my phone) and trying to calm him down with my voice and with one hand.  Normally we take both of his hands and stroke our face or hair and try to remove him from the uncomfortable situation.

I truly am terrified that some day he'll yank my hair out - but for now will keep my fingers crossed.

We've TRIED giving him something to hold in his hand (something I forgot to mention in the video) and he ended up beating himself with whatever the item might be.

• Plush toy
• Dinky car
• Jingly keys (yes that hurt a lot)
• Food (pretty messy and apples are also painful)

So I know the video might be painful to watch but I hope you're able to see what it's like on my side of being a mom of an autistic kid with super strength and I hope this video somehow, raises autism awareness.

I was initially inspired by this article in the Huffington Post to share a snippet of my son's life on YouTube.

Thanks so much for reading my blog, following me/subscribing and so on - and for tolerating my 4-hours of sleep last night/super tired tears (but hey! class finals are finally done!)!!
BIMU