Momster: Stranger Danger and Mama Bear Defcon 5000

I am very grateful I live in Finland - a parenting paradise when it comes to raising children.
Giving birth here is simple, to the point, health care is excellent and the focus of this country is on the children and raising a family.
Finns keep to themselves and I've never had someone try to get too close to me (aka rub the belly) unless they asked first and actually knew me...

Once in a blue moon - I experience Momster rage.
I'm lying - I experience Momster rage all the f*cking time with my kids - but today was different.

Again, who am I kidding?
This morning was f*cking horrible.
Why?!

1. I was taking a poo (don't laugh - you do it too) while my bread machine was doing its thang and making our yummy croissant dough (for the first time may I add).
   While I was doing my thang - my lovely M-Girl decided to chop up 2½ pages of price tags I needed to get rid of my junk for the second-hand store.
2. Once I noticed she had been getting all crafty/artsy fartsy with my Fiskars adult-sized scissors and price tags (at 50 cents a sheet - no big deal - but I obviously can't use them when they look more like Happy Birthday ruffled banners can I?)...I noticed she had been colouring on herself again.  With a Copic marker - aka PERMANENT.
3. What's wrong with that?  Well, she had coloured lovely tattoos and her own interpretations of us as a family (aka squiggly stick drawings)  ALL OVER HER BODY yesterday.  Issue was that it didn't come off.  At all.  So I used a homemade chia seed lavender soap and got half of it off the following day.
4. She was now a dark blue speckled Smurfette and I was livid.  She hated the scrubby soap - but tough luck.  I tossed her back in the shower scrubbed the heck out of her again and it thankfully came off because it was fresh ink.  (Lord help me if she gets tattoos as frequently as she draws on herself...)
   So, I take a look at the living room - walls are fine - but sofa...not so much.  Because she drew with that very royal blue permanent marker on a piece of paper with the sofa as the back drop.
   
   THANKFULLY - the sofa is dark grey.  With dark blue blotches on it...

So my nerves were already shot - safe to say.  This all happened before 8:20am too.

But we had things to do and damn it - we were doing it.

So I rented a table at the local second-hand shop and had some things ready to go.  I packed what I could and we hauled butt (me, V-Man and her) to catch our connecting bus downtown.

Guess what? They don't connect because the one we needed to the shop  - left five minutes prior to our arrival.  Next one was in 30 minutes.

Fine.  We'll sit there and avoid the frustrating grunting demands that the V-Man had (from wanting to eat out) - and just chill.
Thankfully (sadly) there was a fire truck nearby with lights flashing - so that occupied my kids for a bit.

Then the stranger danger occurred.

Remember, I live in Finland.  Parents let their kids nap in a stroller outside without fear of their kid being kidnapped because - common sense! - who wants to steal someone else's kid that you'd have to feed/clothe/bathe etc?!

This woman came stumbling nearby and while I didn't smell alcohol on her (it wasn't even 10am yet and yes there are drunks in our town at that time of the day) - she was clearly "on something".

I had seen her before running about and figured maybe she had places to go and also needed a toilet.

Well, she sidled up to us and sat down beside us - which is fine - everyone is entitled to sit where they want.

My issue right away was that she was blowing cigarette smoke in our faces and I would prefer to avoid that.

So I quietly moved my kids away from her and the massive Ikea bag of stuff I was bringing to my table - and what did she do?
She struck up a conversation in Finnish - which I politely ignored (primarily because it was just babble) and then realized at the end she muttered she was going to stick with us.

I was on automatic alert then - because I simply don't know what she was on and she really did stick with us.

She finished her cigarette while talking to M-Girl (who is the friendliest little thing and clueless with strangers) and once she put it out - she asked me where to go via a certain bus.

She didn't understand my Finnish and thought I said I was going to a hardware store...fine - I don't care.

Then she grabbed V-Man's ball cap on his head - and he started making threatening grunting and moaning sounds.

This amused her and while his hat was still on his head - he was pulling away from her and clearly stressing out as he was gripping his fists closed, hitting his chest and groaning "UM!" (In Finnish it's "en" - "I don't want") and looking at me with a "WTF?!" look on his face.

I put my bag down (and a set of kid skis) and told her in Finnish loud and clear to not touch him.

An elderly woman came nearby and she was also sticking her hand in between my son and this woman's hand because she began to grip my son's shoulder and M-Girl was close enough for her to grab as well.

This kinder stranger warned her that the police were on their way - a million thanks super hero elderly lady!

I have never experienced Mama Bear rage (aka Defcon level 5000) until that moment.

I yelled at her to go away and while she stopped touching his hat - her hand was still on his shoulder. Her eyes were wide and a little out of it - and that's when I suspected it was something stronger than cheap booze and I was ready to lay a beating down on her if she didn't let go of my kid.

I pushed her hand away and waited for her to touch him again, my daughter or me and I was ready.

Thankfully, the cops in an un-marked van pulled up and pulled her away and she went fairly peacefully into the back of their van.

I smiled at the elderly lady in thanks and as the way of the Finns - we didn't say anything more and continued to wait for the buses we needed.

It's only afterward when I realized what could've happened - some ideas more ridiculous than others:

• She could've hurt my kids.
• She could've tried to hurt me.
• I could've seriously hurt her and gone to jail.
• She could've pushed my kids in front of a bus. (This was the more ridiculous idea.)

I was a shaking mess afterward.  Drunks here are typically quite friendly and I am sure her intent was harmless.  Typically they keep their hands to themselves though - which is why I got all Mama Bear Defcon 5000...and after the first time saying to leave your kid alone - they usually stumble off.

M-Girl was confused (V-Man acted like nothing happened) and asked why the police took that woman away.

I explained that she wasn't feeling well and drank too much grown-up juice and had to see a doctor. She seemed to accept that and then our bus came ten minutes later.

I'm sure the fact that V-Man didn't answer any of her mumbling questions was a very interesting thing for her and probably she was fascinated and thought even briefly we didn't understand Finnish - very intriguing indeed.

I guess this is was one of those situations that is a true nightmare for parents/guardians of non-verbal children.  That they cannot help themselves.  They can't fight back necessarily.

They can't yell for help perhaps.

It makes me more aware of what it's like to be helpless and not have your wishes understood and to not have a voice.

And I can truly sympathize with the non-verbal community that it f*cking sucks at times.

BIMU

PS I am not the violent type at all - and haven't been in a fist fight - ever... but when push comes to shove - that adrenaline rush of fear, anger and frustration can really come in handy sometime.

BIMU Bakes: Stuffed Apples

I know you're probably thinking stuffed apples are a thing of autumn or winter.  When the leaves are changing colour and falling and everything is so crisp.

Guess what folks? I live in Finland.
That means it's April 25, 2017 as I write this (and I started this a week ago...) and it was snowing this past Easter weekend (not enough to stick around but still!) and it was a hot and balmy -7*C this morning when I went to take the A-Man to daycare (a week ago...).

So in short?  Warm, delicious desserts are welcome - all.  Year.  Round.

I ended up doing Easter dinner on the Easter Monday instead of the traditional Sunday.  Not to be cool but I was fighting a small cold all Sunday - which meant I got to sleep (and therefor drool) most of the day away.

With regards to the kids - they each got an egg and naturally, fought about each other's eggs, toy inside the egg and jelly beans etc.

So for Easter dinner - I decided to skip the lamb - as it was just our family celebrating this year and save some money.
I dug around the freezer and guess what? I had a bag of frozen game stew meat.
Our meal couldn't be more Finnish if I tried.

I cheat and use my bread machine for the dough-making process.
I also should have made cuts BEFORE letting it rice again...oops.
And here's the recipe!

A freshly baked loaf of Italian bread with mashed potatoes, slow cooked game stew and lingon berry sauce was our Easter dinner.  Naturally, that means none of the kids ate this...except V-Man.  He devoured the lingon berry sauce and the other two loved the bread.

Onto the baked apple though!

Pre-heat your oven to 200*C (400*F).
Wash and core almost all the way to the bottom - your choice of apples.  I used Granny Smith.  Using a sharp knife - cut a bigger circle and a tablespoon to scrape out the sides a bit so you have a good sized pocket to fill it with.

In a separate bowl - microwave butter until melted.  Add a cup of oats, some brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg.  Actual amount - I can't say because I just winged it and only made 2 stuffed baked apples...
Mix well.  Spoon generously into apples and flatten with the spoon.
Drizzle honey on top if you like.

Bake in a dish filled with a bit of water for 15-20 minutes.

Serve it up warm with vanilla ice-cream and more honey!  Or maple syrup!
Actually, I used some Ben and Jerry's cinnamon bun ice-cream and it was even better than your typical old fashioned vanilla ice-cream!

You can also add chopped or crushed nuts and raisins with the oatmeal mixture - it'll still be amazing and lovely.

What I really loved about this recipe is that it means portions.  It means I can't get all crazy and eat tons and tons of these apples in one go!
Disclaimer: the extra filling is another story...

Enjoy!
BIMU

PS If you're curious what a more traditional Finnish Easter dessert is - look no further than mämmi.  Yes it looks like a distant relative of what'll come out of your body after eating too much...no need to point it out any more because Finns know it.

Finns either love it or hate it. There is no in between.  And there's usually a ton of sugar and vanilla sauce (similar to custard) to be dumped onto it to make it edible...bearable to look at even.

Then there's these...Mignon - a Finnish solid chocolate egg...made in an actual egg shell.  For realsies.  I recall there was a year where they were sold out...so I panic every year and make sure to buy myself one just in case.

Where can you get such chickens to produce these god-like desserts?

Finland - the land of Moomins, quietness, saunas, poop-like desserts and chicken pooping solid chocolate eggs.

I'm Baffled.

Dear City of Jyväskylä,

Allow me to introduce myself - my name is Dominique and I am a Canadian citizen living in your charming little city for the past 6.5 years.
I pay my taxes, have tried to learn Finnish and am even attending a wonderful cooking school (in Finnish).
I have three children V-Man, A-Man and M-Girl and they are all given the utmost Finnish names possible because we are proud to call Finland our home.
We would love to live here for the rest of our lives as we have a great relationship with the community, have built multiple friendships here and thoroughly love the way of life here.
We love the smallness of the city, the nature surrounding us regularly and the knowledge that our children are safe and happy here.

We are in quite a unique situation as we never know what the following year will bring us because of my husband's field and specialty - jobs are scarce and hard to come by.  Fair enough - this applies to most of the academics all around the world.
However what makes our situation particularly interesting is that our son V-Man is diagnosed (as of 2011) with non-verbal autism and as of 2014 - mental retardation.
So it isn't easy to simply choose another place to live and move wherever we like.

We had been informed last week that it was urgent that the V-Man get an extra special safety harness for the taxi rides to and from school because he has learned how to un-buckle his seat belt.
We immediately sent a message to his social worker and as it was Friday and her office was probably closed - we didn't get a response until this week.  The message was simple - "Have the teacher call me between 10-11 today."
Fair enough - I sent off a text to his teacher this message and a few days later (today) - his school assistant called me with this news:

"The social worker said they cannot cover the cost of the body harness he needs in the car because he is not handicapped or in a wheelchair - so he doesn't need it (according to the social worker)."

Let me paint you a picture of why I believe (and seemingly everyone else but the social worker and you - the city) the V-Man needs this harness:

Google searched image.

•  This is what the taxi vehicle looks like - more or less.  It has the capability to carry approximately 5-7 children with a wheelchair (or two?) in the back.
• As far as I know (compared to other countries), there is no assistant/responsible adult sitting in the back with the kids in case of emergency or disturbance.  It's only a single adult driving, securing and supervising each child on his own.
• This may be standard all over Finland - but I am clarifying the entire situation as best as possible for those that may have questions.
• While there are some extra measures that could be taken by the driver - such as extra seat belts - it appears that the V-Man can escape that too.  Not only that - but not every taxi has them.

I am baffled that my child doesn't qualify for a safety harness because I'm sure we can agree that one loose child (neurotypical or not) in any sized vehicle can cause a lot of serious damage .

• If he can unbuckle his own seat belt - he can unbuckle other children's belts too.  And those children that are wheelchair bound or dependent on devices to strap them in securely and safely - will end up seriously hurt.
• The V-Man is getting smarter by the day and thinks outside the box and I assure you that un-locking doors won't be hard after some practice.
• He is fast and a very strong child - and he's only 6.  This will continue to intensify as he gets older.
• What will the driver do if he is in a position where he cannot pull over safely - to secure my child again (repeatedly)?  Intersections, turns, small side streets or during traffic - even a regular open highway - is dangerous having a child run about.

I am not thrilled that my child is a safety hazard to others.  I am not proud of his brilliant mind for figuring out how to cause the drivers grief and stress of transporting him to and from school.  I am a bag of nerves every day with my phone in my pocket and volume on high in case I get a horrible phone call that an accident has occurred.

I've been incredibly grateful for the taxi services he has had in the past and am in a position where we cannot bring our child to the daycare/school ourselves.

It is a 45-minutes long bus ride and my husband works and I also study full time on the other side of town.  We do not have a vehicle and he is far too large to consider putting in a bicycle child's seat or trailer.

We also have two other children to transport to separate daycares (A-Man has a speech impediment and goes to a special needs daycare as well - again, other side of town and not the same direction as my school, my husband's office or M-Girl's daycare) - so as I've mentioned - we appreciate having the taxi service to begin with.

Now, this is where I'm genuinely upset and pissed off as a parent.

You are (clearly) willing to risk the lives of other children (along with my own and the driver!) by declining him a safety harness.

You've been sued in the past (within the last 2-3 years) by another family - we have a mutual therapist - who had the exact same situation as us.  A very active and clever child who got out of the seat belts and needed a tighter restraint in order to be transported to and from school.  A child with no understanding for safety of themselves or others travelling with them.

The mutual therapist got in touch with me quickly when I e-mailed her for help and told me that they had to get a note from the disability center's doctor and the hospital were the ones charged with the harness.  They got theirs within a week and from 0 help from the city.

This family sued the city over the rights of the safety of the child and won.  It cost the city more to lose a case than to provide the means of getting them a safety harness.

Here is the most interesting fact about their case:

Their child is not in a wheelchair.  Just like mine.

So I am highly curious, along with his teachers, my friends and hopefully a city council member (whom I'm reaching out to with this post via one of V-Man's lovely overnight care staff) as to where is the line drawn when it comes to a child's safety?

If my child isn't provided with a harness from the city, these are the scenarios I picture:

• A fatal car crash - regardless of road conditions or visibility.  
• Serious injury or death - of another person because they were unbuckled by my son and need to be properly secured upright.

I cannot describe the frustration that has been building up from the moment I received that disappointing phone call - to now, as I write this.

Your single message via the (city-based) social worker says this to me:

"We don't care.  We are above the law."

And to confirm this, I found via Infopankki's website:

"Finnish law states that a disabled person must not be discriminated against because of his or her disability. A disabled person has the right to live a normal life, for example, to study, work and start a family.

Municipalities are required to organise services for disabled persons who need them. These services include, for example, transport and assistant services. If you have a residence permit and a municipality of residence in Finland, you are entitled to the services that your municipality offers. Read more on the services for disabled persons and how to apply for them on the Infopankki page."

If you're wondering why we haven't purchased one ourselves - we are currently unable to.  My husband's contract ends at the end of the year and with no guarantee of an extension of any kind - we may have to return to Canada - and I'm sure we all know the kinds of airline prices we will be facing as a family of five and with two dogs - as well during the holiday season. 

Sincerely yours,

Dominique Riggs

PS I do have this other family contact information and will be in touch to see what procedures they had to go through entirely and the finer details of their case to see where lies the difference.
It may be that I strictly have to go through my child's special needs doctor - which is fine and dandy - happy to do it but it would be nice if the social worker reached out to me personally and addressed this issue and advised me what to do.

Update (April 9th, 2016): I've been in touch with the other family and that safety harness is 800€ - holy cow.

BIMU Interviews: Artist Lise Richardson!

Every now and again, I'll try to find someone to interview and pop them into my blog! :)

My first interview is with a young local artist in Central Finland, named Lise Richardson. We met through a crafting group and Lise is actually the one who designed my lovely header on this blog! Enjoy! BIMU

Freija on the left and Lise on the right!

Have you always been artistic as a child?? I'm a 21 year old illustrator. I think it's fair to say I was always the arty child of any given group. I went through packets after packets of printer paper - drawing ponies and other cute animals as any little girl would.

You're half Finnish and half British...which side do you feel most comfortable with? (I.e. English was language vs Finnish, British comedy vs Finnish television, cultural lifestyle comparison or preferences). Well well... Without "siding" with one half, I have to say I find it easier to express myself in English, and I'm a big fan of British television in general. That's not to say Finland hasn't got a lot going for it, because there's plenty I miss whenever I leave (rye bread and Karelian pasties, mainly). I think eventually it'd be nice to live in England again simply because there's a lot going on all the time in arts and culture, which is something I'd love to be more involved with. Here it's not quite so easy to connect with other artists, or actually people at all come to think of it, but maybe in a way that's quite nice in it's own way - I like my own space like anybody with Finnish blood! 

Favorite drawing techniques these days?? Apart from drawing outlines for paintings, I mainly only draw in the strictest sense of the term when I'm illustrating my blog (Pawprints to Bath). This changes every now and again of course, I've been painting a lot for the past six months but I may move onto other techniques again soon - that's the great thing about being an artist, you can switch whenever you want. 

Worst experience with ____ tool (pen, paint whichever)? Since I mainly work in watercolour at the moment, the absolute worst thing that can happen is spilling your mixing water on a painting. This happens more often than I care to admit!

What do you think the artists of the past (Van Gogh, Monet, Picasso etc) would think if they saw the art of today?? (I.e. The different techniques, especially digital.) I think perhaps some would find today's art a bit in-your-face, maybe even obscene if you consider what a leap it is from the work of Van Gogh to somebody contemporary like Damien Hirst or Tracey Emin. On the other hand I reckon somebody like Picasso would be really interested in all the artists of today who've been inspired by his own work, and perhaps might even find digital art not to be too far from the traditional media of his own time. After all, it's the same basic idea whether traditional or digital, you're trying to create something worth looking at.

You have a huge love for dogs, if you could have any breed or create a mixed breed -what would it be?? Right now I'm completely obsessed with terriers, I just LOVE beardy dogs! Skye and Sealyham terriers are some of my favourites. 

Tell us a bit about your two gals, Kara and Freija? Aww my girls. Kara is my eleven year old, grumpy but glam lady of the house. The essential Tibetan spaniel really. She's been a source of inspiration for essentially me entire art career. Freija is my little yorkiepoo buddy, she's been around for nearly five years now and she really makes me laugh. She's quite popular online, the little weirdo!

A recent piece done by Lise of her other dog, Kara.

Do you only draw, and recently crochet??  I suppose you could say I do a bit of everything, I do like trying my hand at all manner of techniques. I paint A LOT in gouache these days, more so than anything else, but my sets of colouring pencils HAVE been catching my eye lately...

How long does it take to design an image for a single greeting card?   My new range of cards is fun since I can manage a design or two in a day - the hard part is coming up with good captions!

Where can these cards be found in Finland?? Do you sell them outside of Finland too? Right now my only stockist is Harjun Paperi here in Jyväskylä, where they sell my Scenic Dogs-range of postcards. For all my newer designs plus greeting cards, art prints and gift items, pop over to my Etsy shop!

Look familiar?
Kara being her glam self! :)

Freija as well!

Do you have a favorite art museum? My absolute favourite art museum has to be the Towner in Eastbourne, England. I go there whenever I'm in town and there's always something interesting to see, old and new.

Is there a particular art style or artist that inspires you? I'm fascinated by artists from the turn of the century and the late 1800s. Lately I've been really into the work of James Tissot and Edmund Blair Leighton, but I suppose one of my main influences over the years has been the Art Nouveu movement. I find modern art perhaps slightly less accessible, but Pop art in itself and especially Kitsch has definitely had a big impact on my own work and themes.

Many governments, are cutting back on funding to the arts departments. How do you feel about this?? It's not good, to say the least. Art and culture is just as important as any other field, and it's a real shame the governments of many countries aren't prepared to invest in it. I know that it's tough for everybody, but I do wish something could be done to really boost the backing for art.

Where did you complete your studies? I finished my vocational degree in 2013 at Jyväskylä Educational Consortium in Petäjävesi, near Jyväskylä. I'd switched from Hyvinkää Art School halfway through my studies, but both places had a lot to teach me in both fine art and photography.
If you could have done your studies anywhere in the world, where would you have gone? I think getting my first degree here in Finland was a good choice (partly because I got to do an exchange work experience trip to my English home, Eastbourne) it's free and I got to see what I liked and didn't like in the broad field of art and photography. This year I'll be moving to Bath in England to start my BA in graphic communication, so we'll see how that compares!

When you aren't drawing or crocheting doggies, what are you more than likely doing??  Haha, nothing particularly exciting I'm afraid - I'll be walking the dogs or watching Heartbeat with my mum. Terribly domestic, I know! I also read a lot, detective stories and classics mainly.

If you won a million euros, what would you do with it?? Gosh, there's a thought. I'd probably start up a shop-come-gallery to sell my work and perhaps get some other artists involved too. That'd be the sensible thing to do. What's left from that I'd use on box sets, books, and antiques. I love antiques.

If you weren't an artist, what would be your next choice of career? Oddly I've never thought of myself as anything other than an artist. I used to volunteer at Marie Curie Cancer Care's charity shop back in Eastbourne, and I quite enjoyed pretending to be a shopkeeper, so perhaps I'd work in an antiques shop or something.

What's one technique or craft you do now but would like to better yourself in? I'm quite happy with my results in gouache, but there's also lots I can improve on - that's fine by me though, I'm happy as long as I'm learning.

What's one you'd like to learn?? I love learning new techniques and crafts, I really enjoyed learning crochet last year (I've not had time to do it a lot this year, but it's a lot of fun), and perhaps other traditional crafts would be interesting to try. I've done a little bit of screen-printing in art school years ago, and that's one thing I'm keen to learn properly too!

You're very young, and accomplishing a lot! What do you see yourself doing in five years? Ten and more? I suppose my main wish is to be creating art like I do now, and have others enjoying it and preferably buying my work! I'd really love to get out there and have my art recognised. That studio would be a plus, too!

What is something you want people to know about you and your work? Perhaps that I put a lot of love into everything I create, and that I really hope people can see that, and enjoy it as much as I do. What sort of advice would you give to someone wanting to be an artist? I think the key to being an artist is not taking yourself too seriously; do the thing you love, and be the best you can be. Every artist mucks up occasionally, the main thing is to convince everybody that yes, of course it's meant to look like that! Oh, and it doesn't hurt to get in with other artists, go and make some connections, you'll thank yourself later.

Favourite food, colour, ice cream flavor, 90's boy band, curse word? Avocado toast, pastel pink, peanut butter, Westlife, wanker.

Favourite book and movie you could watch non stop? Wuthering Heights, and Withnail & I.

Also, if you could meet any celebrity in the world, who would it be? Ricky Wilson (of the Kaiser Chiefs)

What are the best and worst things to give to an artist? Best: original artwork from an artist they love. Worst: tacky art supplies like pens from the petrol station

Best and worst things to say to an artist: Best: any real compliment like saying they adore the work. Worst: I personally find it a bit iffy when people call my work "striking".

Best song that describes you:  Eez-eh by Kasabian

You can find Lise on a variety of social media, I'll even link it for you below! Her Etsy Shop

Facebook

Pawprints to Bath - a blog about her soon to be adventure of moving back to study in the UK with Freija!

LiseRichardson.com - her main page which gives you access to her shop and her blogs, videos and photos! Instagram

**Photos used in this post were used by permission from Lise Richardson and from her Etsy shop listings. **

Learning About Finland: Sauna 101

A sauna in Finland greatly differs from the only sauna I've seen in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia (Canada) because of one big thing.

You go naked.  You go with friends (typically females stick together and the guys stick together) - or you go with your spouse.
Or you go with your whole family - both guys and gals!  (It's what we do...)

The first time I was invited to someone's sauna after dinner (husband's phD supervisor's place) - the ladies went together and I was 30 weeks pregnant and said bashfully, "I don't have my bathing suit."
Never mind the stretch marks galore!!
The ladies chuckled and said there wasn't one required and I shyly backed out.

After having given birth and visiting the same family again - it was just me and Jessica - the supervisor's wife who happened to be Canadian AND was my doula for my first labour...so I figured if she saw me push a child out of my hoo-ha (she knew the hair colour before I did - let's put it that way) - clearly it's alright to chill (sweat?) naked together in a sauna - right?

So that's what we did.

Sauna basics 101

• Don't wear pure metal jewellery - it'll melt and burn your skin.
• Regular gold and silver is fine.
• Don't wear contacts or eyeglasses - metal frames will get really hot and plastic ones will become very bendy (handy if you need to re-shape your frames - be careful though).
• Don't wear a bathing suit - everyone has the same bits and bobs.  Get over the nudity thing!!  You're not there to stare at the other people...you're there to converse, relax, try the sauna (and hopefully enjoy it) - it just so happens you're doing it naked.
• Bring your shower stuff and a towel.
• You can rinse in the shower (or bucket if a shower isn't available) before entering and typically you take a shower afterwards.  You can also rinse in between when you need a break from the heat!
• It's recommended children as young as 1-year old can go in sauna, usually in a bath tub on the bottom floor where it's really cool there still.  Some parents let their babies in earlier than that - it really helps them sleep well!
• Sit on a bench - the higher up you are (and closer to the stove) - the hotter it will be when someone splashes the water on.
• *If you have asthma (or faint easily or you're pregnant and it's your first time - be cautious with how long you stay in the sauna!) - bring your medicine with you and leave it in the changing area just in case.  My first time I went into sauna and the water was splashed on - I had a mild asthma attack.  True story.
• Ladies - if you're on your period - you can still do sauna.  Use a tampon or lady cup - and just in case, you can buy these sheets to sit on (like plastic coated paper towel) - or sit on a towel.
• You can buy sauna towels - they look a lot like long dish towels and can be found in the sauna section of the department stores.
• You can also add scented essential oils to the water bucket and splash that on the stove. 
• Saunavihta or Vasta are bundles of birch tree branches (found in the frozen section year round in grocery stores) and are commonly used around Midsummer and Christmas time.  
• You thaw them out (if not using fresh ones), soak them in water in the sauna, toast them above the stove then SLAP YOURSELF SILLY.  Seriously.  Keep reading for my first time with those branches... 
• Typically should be used freshly cut and the frozen ones used only in winter time when the leaves are gone otherwise for the season!
•  When you're finished your turn in the sauna - ensure the bucket of water is full and scoop some onto the bench area that you sat/laid down on. 
• Because it's so hot and you lose quite a bit of water via sweating - ensure you have a bottle of water in the changing room or another beverage of choice!

Other funny things about Finnish sauna:

• For a population of approximately 5.3 million, there are about  2 million saunas.  They can be found in the basement of a home or apartment building, in an apartment,  in a separate building at a cottage or household.
• There are electric ones (typical of apartment buildings) and wood-stove style ones. The wood stove ones are favoured because when the water is splashed on - the heat isn't as intense.
• There are sauna championships in Finland.  And yes, someone has died from it.  But I won't post that video!  A group of men and a group of women see who can last the longest in the sauna without leaving and while the temperature regularly gets hotter...
• It's perfectly acceptable, if at the cottage, to take a break from the heat of the sauna and go for a swim.  Even in the winter.  Someone will have cut a hole out in the lake and there's usually some handle bars and a ladder to enter and exit.  It's good for the blood circulation and if you can handle it - go back and forth!
• Or you can roll in the snow...
• "Sex, Sauna, Siivous" - the 3 S's in Finnish (sex, sauna and cleaning) are recommended for encouraging the labour of a pregnant woman to start. :)
• Way back when - Finnish women would give birth in their sauna.  Due to the high temperatures - it was one of the most hygienic places to give birth and the heat helped with the contractions etc.
• There are such things as co-ed saunas (bathing suits are usually involved unless the whole crew is trashed/drunk...)!!

Now back to that crazy birch branches story...

While pregnant with A-Man...I suppose this is 2010 or 2011- I went with our family to go visit some friends at their farm-house cottage...it was huge - hence the farm house part.
And we went to sauna - my pregnant self, my friend T (also pregnant - we were 3 weeks apart) and M (not pregnant but Finnish like T).
M noticed there was a bucket with pretty dark leaves and asked T if they were recently used and T said not yet but we were more than welcome to use them.

I honestly thought it was a decoration for the sauna...a bunch of greenery...
I had a clueless look on my face and the ladies smiled and asked if I had ever used these branches.  I confirmed their suspicions and they giddily dragged me into sauna.

"What do you do with them?"
"Oh, they're best if you soak them in some water first then toast them above the stove...then you do this... *CRACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK!"
And so began the beating of each other with a bunch of birch branches...
My jaw dropped and my bladder was ready to explode from laughing so hard.  And all I heard was "crack, smack, crack, crack" and the ladies saying to each other how lovely it felt and I should really try it.
Because I'm so 50-shades and into beating myself and my friends with sticks...
I didn't hit myself hard enough apparently but they said that the birch oils are released and really help to moisturize and condition your skin and the slapping encourages blood circulation and good blood flow...

Last night, I went to sauna (wood stove) at a friend's cottage...it was awesome.  Then they asked me to go swim and I figured, why not?  M-Girl was asleep so I went.
I creeped into the water by squatting and shuffling forward...it was cold!!! 
Well, my Finnish friends were entertained - they just jumped in...and I just couldn't....so I creeped in until my butt was hovering on the water and kept warm (I honestly looked like I was pooping I'm sure)...and then immersed myself slowly...like the crazy Canadian that I am!

And because I think it's funny - one of my husband's first times in the sauna - with the supervisor's family - their son is bilingual and was learning all about the body parts.
I asked how it was after and he told me at home that the kid was trying to tap my husband's man bits and loudly cheered, "PENIS!" while pointing out everyone's junk in the sauna.
Just imagine - a 2-year old-ish kid...playing a bunch of guys' like bongo drums....

Welcome to Finland.
BIMU

Happy Finniversary To Me!

A Finniversary is a term I totally made up (maybe it existed before but seeing as I didn't know anyone living in Finland - I'll just roll with it) to reflect how many years I've lived in Finland.

I can hardly believe it!
2009 seems like last month and yet here it is - 2014!
Has 5 years really flown by that fast?  It seems so based on my household anyway - 3 kids (each two years apart) who were all born in Finland and have some seriously old-school Finnish names... and we still have those 2 dogs...

Why move to Finland?
SH began and completed his phD here.  So we packed up two dogs, as much stuff as we'd need for an initial 4-years contract (i.e. winter and summer clothes), missed some flights and so on - and while 26-weeks pregnant with V-Man - touched down in Finland on August 13, 2009.

What have you learned so far in the past 5-years?
That I love it here.  Sure some of the paperwork stinks (i.e. proving my marriage so my firstborn (and later children) could have a father listed) but other than that - it's a safe place.
I can walk my dogs out in the middle of the night without fear of being mugged or randomly beaten (or kidnapped and found a few months later in the woods)...I can leave my children to sleep outside in their stroller - yep even in the winter...
I do have lots of Finnish friends and I cherish them all because I know it might not be overly easy to make a Finnish friend but once you do - this saying is true: "A Finnish friend is a friend for life." 
Also the care and assistance we get here because of V-Man being autistic - awesome.  I really don't know how we'd survive in another country - even our own!  Not bashing any other country! - just saying that I don't know what kinds of health care is out there for young autistic children and when they get older - so I'm very grateful to be living here with my family.

In fact, I have learned so much about life in Finland that I had even started a blog, "Learning About Finland".
Oh, it's not linked and you can't find it?  Yeah me either.  And that's mostly because my e-mail was hacked into on July 2, 2014 and my blogger profile removed without my consent (as is the case with most hacking situations).

Turned out I had a keyboard hijacking program on my computer...and the ding dong that hacked my computer erased all of my e-mails and one of my BFFs managed to break back into my e-mail and change my password to something so absurd - it's not easy for the hacker to crack.
And I know you're still trying Mr(or Miss/Mrs) Hackity Poo.  I can still get into my old e-mail account and I can see all the recent activity of failed attempts of trying to break into it.
I am confident I know who it is and I'm sure if you were a previous follower or reader of mine - you'd have a rough idea too...but I won't spoil that part yet for awhile.

I also had a blog called "That Funny Mama" which was more like what this blog is now - food, crafts, life with my kids (especially super V-Man) and so on.

But thanks to technology and to the person who decided to imitate me and created some fake blogs with my name in it - I had a friend of mine copy all the data from the fake blog - not your fake rude/racists posts - just the stuff before it...and I'll find a way to in-put it into this blog.
Sure it'll take time - but like the police - resources are limited so time is aplenty! 
Sure I'll miss a lot of posts and funny experiences from my Learning About Finland blog - but that's alright.  I'm done being angry and am just happy knowing you're a sad, jealous person and I'm quite content continuing to collect more and more evidence that points you as the culprit.

Photo not mine - courtesy of a Google search for "Karma quotes" >Images.

And yes, if you're hoping to delete ALL of the e-mails I had on my computer - the ones incriminating your work and hoping to save public face after the repeated times I debunked some things on your site - you're SOL (sh*t out of luck) pal.
I have those e-mails somewhere nice and safe...and printed copies which will be handed into the police.
Should you try again to figure out my new e-mail - I should probably give you a hand and let you know that I had sent all of the e-mails to other people - so I'll always have access to a digital copy of them.

I am a true believer in karma and what goes around comes around.

What do you miss about Canuckville (Canada)?
Friends and family, being able to watch my children grow up and play with my other friends' kids, My cats - who are staying with my in-laws thankfully!, various shops and Kraft Peanut butter!!

So what will you do now?
I plan to just keep trucking on.  Thankfully the hubster has another contract with another university here - so we're in Finland for a few more years yet! :)

Quick edit before I hit the sack!To all of our friends in Finland who have helped us translate Kela papers, set up things for our family (i.e. bank accounts, appointments etc.), introduced us to other people and help drive us to and from places - WE THANK YOU.
Thanks to you - we've made a life here and are proud to call Finland our home.
Paljon kiitos.

Anyway, enough of that - it's time to move on and up with this blog!
WAHOO! have a good one!
BIMU

 PS: I haven't directly mentioned who probably hacked that blog but if it magically disappears - then I'm sure it's the same person behind everything.
The hacking of my e-mail, my blogs, the comments on my blog harassing me, the creator of the fake blogs (including stolen photos of my boys) all boil down to one (maximum two) people.
Update Aug. 23, 2014 - take a look on the right-hand side of my blog and you'll see "Learning About Finland".  Click there to find all my posts that involve my experiences in Finland! :)  Think of it as me re-working and re-writing my history here but in a much pinker blog! :)