A New Friend & A-Man's Assessment

Today, I made a friend.
For anyone who lives abroad, making friends can be tricky.
More so, for anyone who has a special needs or slightly different kind of kid - making friends is rare.
And by "friends", I mean people who truly get where you're coming from because they've been in your shoes before.

If you're wondering why I haven't been blogging lately - I've been swamped.  Just genuinely exhausted yet having a blast with my work practice at the same time.
It's a full-time 9 weeks work practice at a college campus where we prep food for the students and staff (over 1500 people on any given week day), bake and cook food to sell to the public in the connected student shop and also handle catering orders!

Last week, was a rough one as I spent most of my week at the children's neurological clinic getting A-Man assessed.
He was assessed last October for two days and was given the temporary diagnosis of SLI (Specific Language Impairment).

This round was a 4-days long assessment ending with a doctor's appointment and the doctor telling us that she cannot offer a proper diagnosis for A-Man.

However, what we originally suspected - that A-Man is doing awesome because his speech is getting better and he's trying really hard to pronounce words and so on - turns out that he has more than a language issue.

He now has a visual issue as well.

By "visual", I mean the psychologist and speech and occupational therapists tried to give him something to mimic or imitate from a picture and he couldn't or didn't do very well for a child his age.
Like a jigsaw puzzle - look at the photo and try to build it.
Like special blocks where you look at the picture and have to make the same shape or design with them.
Like whenever his sleeves or pant legs are inside out and he refuses to fix it himself...and I feel horrible because I was trying to get him to do it himself...and it turns out he simply couldn't figure it out...and wasn't being lazy!

They've listed his speech and comprehension to be at less than half his age.  He'll be 5 this autumn and he was listed as about a 2-year old in various sections.

They don't suspect it's autism and the doctor explained that they believe when he doesn't listen, despite repeating his name or instructions, or trying to get his attention multiple times - it's just that simply his brain is exhausted.
It just blocks us out and takes a rest pretty much.
Because he has to spend so much brain energy on translating things in his head or trying to figure it out - it's overwhelming and poof.  His mind takes a nap.

As you can imagine, Hubster and I were floored and I am impressed that I held off my tears of frustration and self hate until I got home.
To top it off, this appointment was yesterday - my 1-year death-versary of my dog, Blue...so I was a hot mess anyway.

We are trying to take it a step at a time but he will not be assessed again for another 18-months to see if another year or so will give his body and brain time to catch up, since he's made huge leaps and bounds the past year with his own speech.
Of course, it is not perfect and there are many sounds he simply cannot pronounce - but we've been having less fights for the most part because he's able to express what he wants.

This is also another reason why they can't give him a proper assessment, because his English was so much better than his Finnish and the tests were conducted in Finnish (and some English tossed in) and because he's still quite young to get an official diagnosis.

So to round that chunk of a blog post off, he will be getting occupational therapy to help build his visual skills and continue with speech therapy.
He will be starting pre-school as soon as possible, and starting school earlier - so this way he can hopefully graduate at the same time as his peers his age.

Onto happier news!!

I have a new friend!
She's this lovely little Chinese lady in my work practice and after speaking to the second Chinese lady (also lovely) about my kids - found out that first little Chinese lady has a child on the spectrum too.  I think more Asperger's but still!
And he's 15.

We were making potato bread (mashed potatoes, eggs and flour then roll/flatten, pierce with a fork and bake) and after some quick Chinese between the two, the little one asked me if my son was autistic.
I smiled and said yes and described the V-Man to her and her eyes are pretty wide already but they got bigger and her smile lit the room.

It's then that we had a connection.  A bond that only two people can have after having gone to the special needs trenches and back.
And then I realized that she probably doesn't have friends with a special needs kid like hers - so that made it extra special.  She began to whoop and jump up and down and high-five me like crazy, as we exchanged some stories in Finnish quickly.

I love my friends, I really do and I've gotten pickier over who I'm friends with to be honest.
But my friends that truly know what it's like to care for a kid that's not part of the neurotypical scale - whether it's their own or part of their job - they're an extra special bunch and they're the kind of friends that no matter where you are, you're there for each other.

It's just wonderful to have one more friend here that gets it.
They get the exhaustion, the frustration, the screams and tears and the fears and nightmares of raising a kid like the V-Man (and A-Man).
They don't judge, they actually want you to visit with your family and they're just as relieved to know they're not alone.

Today, I made a friend.

BIMU

"Well It's Not Autism!"

I ranted and rambled a lot in my previous post (it happens when I'm tired!) and if you stuck around long enough to read the whole thing - KUDOS TO YOU.
Thanks so much for all of your wonderful comments, thumbs up of support, sharing of my blog and for just being awesome.
It's not easy to be fairly raw in my feelings - but apparently being tired and waiting for my kids to fall asleep certainly help with that.

ANYWAY, I have some pretty friggin' awesome news.

We had been waiting for over a year for A-Man to get tested for autism (or something) because last year was a nightmare with him.
I get it - he was in the terrible 2's and quickly obtaining a black belt in terrorist 3's (as I lovingly call it) and we were so sure he had some level of autism. Or Asperger's.  Or somethingism because there's no way a neurotypical kid can have such a massive temper tantrum over this and that and everything in between.  And I mean really stupid petty crap!

So a bit about the A-Man:

He's almost 4 and mouthy, and has an attitude galore.

He's also funny, caring and sneaky and clever.

He can speak a bit, he's potty trained and is full of energy.

He's athletic, brave and crafty.

The reasons why we got him checked out were:

• He couldn't seem to get ready when we asked him to and got easily distracted.
• I'm talking about giving him 30-45 minutes warning and continuously reminding him to get dressed every 5-10 minutes.
• Very defiant and he's a screamer.
• We thought he might have ODD (opposite defiance disorder).
• Got seriously upset if we broke routine - like moving away from the bus and he wanted to wave good-bye to it.
• He was held back in his last day-care because he couldn't really speak a lot and the older group didn't have enough staff to handle him.
• The staff in the youngest day-care group (where he was for 2 years and was the oldest child) - believe that his language may have been delayed as well because he was the oldest child the second time round.
• His eating habits were nearly identical of his older brother, V-Man.  Yoghurt, crackers and bread or bananas but no other fruit, no meat and no vegetables.  Plain rice or plain pasta was okay.  No meat or fish.
• But daycare food is great and awesome and he ate 3 portions at his last one and now at the new place, is willing to try new things on bread.  Just like V-Man did.

Well, we had those tests done where he met with an occupational therapist, a school specialist and a speech therapist and a doctor at the end - and they've finally come up with a diagnosis.

"Well, it's not autism!  We believe A-Man has SLI.  SLI means Specific Language Impairment."

The most beautiful sound other than a freshly born newborn crying - rang in my ears.

It's not autism.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Now, before you jump down my throat bitching me out that:

• "Autistic kids are a blessing."
• "Autistic kids tend to be mega smart and have memories like elephants and can recite anything and everything" - I have yet to see that with the V-Man.  So I'm not expecting my kid to go viral because he can draw something from memory, recite scripts from Shrek, Cars etc.  Not that I have low expectations but I have realistic ones.
• "You're lucky to have a second autistic kid because you've been through the ring once already (and continue to do so) - so you should be used to this."
• "Why are you so happy it's not autism?!  It could be worse!"

I'll tell you why.

Having a second autistic child was seeming more and more likely because A-Man IS a boy and if you don't know the stats - boys are 4:1 more likely than girls to be autistic.

Anyway, having a second one wouldn't be the end of the world- no, but it would probably drive me insane.  My patience is near level 0 everyday it seems and I do get a break from the kids by going to class regularly!

Yes it could definitely be worse than autism - for sure - but I'm just personally glad it isn't and am entitled to feel such.
You don't have to live in our home where it's not a happy household when V-Man is home because the moment he's upset - he's slapping and pinching himself.  By "slapping himself" - I mean if you're not watching him do it - it sounds like an adult is slapping another in a movie.  You don't hear the moans, shouts and the screams.   You don't feel the tension, the pursuit for inner calm or feel the need for peace.

So this is what we now understand about SLI - because honestly we never heard of it prior to this appointment:

1. "Specific language impairment (SLI) is diagnosed when a child's language does not develop normally and the difficulties cannot be accounted for by generally slow development, physical abnormality of the speech apparatus, autism spectrum disorder, acquired brain damage or hearing loss." - internet Google search
2. He's at a comprehension level of a 2-year old or younger - in both Finnish and English.  His English understanding seems to be a bit stronger but still - he'll be 4 this month.
1. He doesn't understand reasoning or instructions regardless if we put the prize first or the prize second.
   Example: "You can get a cookie if you wash your hands first" or "You have to wash your hands THEN you can get a cookie."
3. His speech is the same.  2, max 3 words-long sentences in either language.
4. He will most likely have difficulty with reading and writing when he starts going to school because his vocabulary is limited and he doesn't like when we read to him (as an example he'd rather point out what he knows in pictures and occasionally ask "what's that?").

What can we do as parents of a child with SLI?

• Be more patient than the Pope.  Working on that one daily and trying not to shout so much at him because he simply doesn't understand.
• Provide him a visual way of communicating - like picture boards for example.  Where he can "say" a sentence without having to say it. Where he can learn words and also express how he's feeling or what he wants.

A-Man's Communication Board he uses at day-care and at home for meal times.

• Teach him sign language - which is a bit of an issue because Finnish and English sign language does differ!  However, he does seem to enjoy using these communication boards thankfully!
• He'll be attending speech therapy weekly while at day-care.  And the fantastic part of this is that it's the same speech therapist as V-Man's.  So we have that wonderful connection with her already and adore Mrs. R.

People have been asking how we feel about having a diagnosis and we feel relieved!!!
It's just wonderful knowing that we weren't in fact crazy, it wasn't a phase, the terrible 2's/3's etc. and we weren't wasting the hospital's time (or ours).
And it totally fits the bill.  It explains his meltdowns, his frustrations, his delay in speech, his lack of vocabulary - all of it.

So that's been my week!

And I have big news for you.  I'll be starting a YouTube series soon!!
My classes end this month and I will be dedicating my bit of "vacation" towards blogging a heck of a lot more, promoting myself more here and there and also doing reviews!
And of course those YouTube videos as well! :)
My aim for the YouTube channel is to have some tutorials, reviews, Vlog on the go and see where it takes me. :)

Keep an eye here and I'll keep you updated!
Thanks as always,
xoxo BIMU