A New Friend & A-Man's Assessment

Today, I made a friend.
For anyone who lives abroad, making friends can be tricky.
More so, for anyone who has a special needs or slightly different kind of kid - making friends is rare.
And by "friends", I mean people who truly get where you're coming from because they've been in your shoes before.

If you're wondering why I haven't been blogging lately - I've been swamped.  Just genuinely exhausted yet having a blast with my work practice at the same time.
It's a full-time 9 weeks work practice at a college campus where we prep food for the students and staff (over 1500 people on any given week day), bake and cook food to sell to the public in the connected student shop and also handle catering orders!

Last week, was a rough one as I spent most of my week at the children's neurological clinic getting A-Man assessed.
He was assessed last October for two days and was given the temporary diagnosis of SLI (Specific Language Impairment).

This round was a 4-days long assessment ending with a doctor's appointment and the doctor telling us that she cannot offer a proper diagnosis for A-Man.

However, what we originally suspected - that A-Man is doing awesome because his speech is getting better and he's trying really hard to pronounce words and so on - turns out that he has more than a language issue.

He now has a visual issue as well.

By "visual", I mean the psychologist and speech and occupational therapists tried to give him something to mimic or imitate from a picture and he couldn't or didn't do very well for a child his age.
Like a jigsaw puzzle - look at the photo and try to build it.
Like special blocks where you look at the picture and have to make the same shape or design with them.
Like whenever his sleeves or pant legs are inside out and he refuses to fix it himself...and I feel horrible because I was trying to get him to do it himself...and it turns out he simply couldn't figure it out...and wasn't being lazy!

They've listed his speech and comprehension to be at less than half his age.  He'll be 5 this autumn and he was listed as about a 2-year old in various sections.

They don't suspect it's autism and the doctor explained that they believe when he doesn't listen, despite repeating his name or instructions, or trying to get his attention multiple times - it's just that simply his brain is exhausted.
It just blocks us out and takes a rest pretty much.
Because he has to spend so much brain energy on translating things in his head or trying to figure it out - it's overwhelming and poof.  His mind takes a nap.

As you can imagine, Hubster and I were floored and I am impressed that I held off my tears of frustration and self hate until I got home.
To top it off, this appointment was yesterday - my 1-year death-versary of my dog, Blue...so I was a hot mess anyway.

We are trying to take it a step at a time but he will not be assessed again for another 18-months to see if another year or so will give his body and brain time to catch up, since he's made huge leaps and bounds the past year with his own speech.
Of course, it is not perfect and there are many sounds he simply cannot pronounce - but we've been having less fights for the most part because he's able to express what he wants.

This is also another reason why they can't give him a proper assessment, because his English was so much better than his Finnish and the tests were conducted in Finnish (and some English tossed in) and because he's still quite young to get an official diagnosis.

So to round that chunk of a blog post off, he will be getting occupational therapy to help build his visual skills and continue with speech therapy.
He will be starting pre-school as soon as possible, and starting school earlier - so this way he can hopefully graduate at the same time as his peers his age.

Onto happier news!!

I have a new friend!
She's this lovely little Chinese lady in my work practice and after speaking to the second Chinese lady (also lovely) about my kids - found out that first little Chinese lady has a child on the spectrum too.  I think more Asperger's but still!
And he's 15.

We were making potato bread (mashed potatoes, eggs and flour then roll/flatten, pierce with a fork and bake) and after some quick Chinese between the two, the little one asked me if my son was autistic.
I smiled and said yes and described the V-Man to her and her eyes are pretty wide already but they got bigger and her smile lit the room.

It's then that we had a connection.  A bond that only two people can have after having gone to the special needs trenches and back.
And then I realized that she probably doesn't have friends with a special needs kid like hers - so that made it extra special.  She began to whoop and jump up and down and high-five me like crazy, as we exchanged some stories in Finnish quickly.

I love my friends, I really do and I've gotten pickier over who I'm friends with to be honest.
But my friends that truly know what it's like to care for a kid that's not part of the neurotypical scale - whether it's their own or part of their job - they're an extra special bunch and they're the kind of friends that no matter where you are, you're there for each other.

It's just wonderful to have one more friend here that gets it.
They get the exhaustion, the frustration, the screams and tears and the fears and nightmares of raising a kid like the V-Man (and A-Man).
They don't judge, they actually want you to visit with your family and they're just as relieved to know they're not alone.

Today, I made a friend.

BIMU

3 and Done Counting...

Ever since dating SH/D (Super Hubby/Dad), I nearly stopped watching television.  It wasn't something he did and it wasn't something I was obsessed with.
I suppose growing up a Trekkie's daughter may have something to do with that...not that I prefer Star Trek over other shows - but I just wasn't exposed to the stuff on television (nor did I have a say in what was played - but who does when living at home with parents?)...and I'm partly glad because a lot of stuff on television surprises me.

I truly wonder what producers think when they're having their meetings.
"We don't have a show about little girls going through pagent show try-outs and the stress it puts on families...yes let's do that....we don't have a show about weird eating habits/cravings...now we do...and let's find families with such strong values that half the world will think "YES! This is what and how raising a family should be about!" and the other half will keep channel surfing..."

Well, I freely admit that I would be a couch potato if exposed to cable television.  I love a bag of chips and salsa or fresh guacamole...or flavoured cream cheese for dip...
I guess you get my point...mmm food....

While I may not have my digibox set up (the thing that provides cable in Finland) - I do keep myself fairly current with celebrity news.  Yep - small guilty pleasure and I usually stick with Huffington Post or People's websites.

And I think all of North America know the family, the Duggars.  Yes, the show about an American family who currently have 19 children (and counting!), some grandchildren and apparently another grandchild on the way!
Their strict commitment to religion isn't what interests me and to be honest, is what put me off from watching the show.
That and the whole, "We'll hold hands once we're engaged then we'll have our first kiss at the altar and then regular old-fashioned intimacy stems from there."
I just am shocked but moreso impressed that the younger Duggars are able to stick to it.
Hormones are a powerful thing!  But if you are extremely religious, as they seem to be, then perhaps it's not as hard as us outsiders see it.

I told the SH I was curious if their show was available online and he looked at me asking why in the world I'd watch their show.
Because I'm neutral about pretty much everything when it comes to religion and politics - he was surprised I'd be interested in their life.
I think for me, I'm merely curious about how 1 person can manage to keep their sanity while raising so many children!
Okay, so the oldest boy is married off and has started his family...there's another girl who just got married and 2 months later announced her pregnancy...and a third daughter who is engaged to someone younger than herself.
Even still - that still leaves 17 children in the house - plus that fiancee moved in I guess...so 18.
And yeah, there's 2 sets of twins...BUT STILL!

HOW DO THEY DO IT?!?!?!?!

I had to know.  So I looked up their website.  As I mentioned earlier, it was not the religious part that interested me but moreso the daily routines...the organization...the hobbies and lifestyle...the cleaning and the vacation...the gas...the FOOD...the bills...the team work...
I just had to know how they did it.
I haven't started to watch it but I did look at the FAQs and that's when I had an "OMG really?!" moment.
I was flipping through Michelle's blog and the financial bits caught my eye and then there was this one:  "Do Jim Bob and Michelle believe in spanking?"
In Finland, it is illegal to spank or hit your children.

So in short, no, they don't believe in spanking.
Her philosophy is simple:  Praise the kids 10x over publicly but correct them privately.

It finally dawned on me after reading that blog post of hers that I have it pretty good.
I have 3 kids, relatively close in age.  Sure - one is autistic and one is mixing his languages and the third is constantly starving (both for food and attention it seems) and ready to bash her head in from trying to stand alone completely already (not even 8 months...good grief!)...
And we have 3 and are done counting...
 
Anyways, I have decided to adopt the same policy and I have noticed a huge difference already - and it's only been two weeks.
I'm calmer because of that one single blog post...I tolerate a lot more (even when running on less than 5 hours of sleep and 0 caffeine of any kind) and A-Man is listening a lot better.
I used to spaz if he didn't walk as fast and I'd be urging him to go because we have to catch a bus and so on...but now, I say it in a positive happy-go-lucky but firm voice (instead of the Momster voice) and he moves faster. 

But there are some things I won't do with A-Man for example, to ensure that we don't get to the "Momster" side of me.
I bypass the candy and sweets aisle like the plague...toy section too with him.
If I know I have to go to that aisle for whatever reason - I bring V-Man or M-Girl (or both).  0 fights and I'm calmer and everyone is much happier.

So Michelle - thank you for saving my sanity.
BIMU