Sunday, 12 April 2015

I'm Stuck

I grew up with a mother and father and a little brother. No pets other than an occasional hamster or my mother's Feng Shui gold and black fish.
I've known for as long as I could speak that I am adopted.

I was not born in another country then bought or brought over to Canada to be raised.
And luckily, you cannot tell that I'm adopted if you were to look at myself with my family.
I have an Asian looking mother and a Canadian father with Caucasian but slightly dark features (hair, eyes and he tans really well), my brother is biologically their son an he's a mix of the two.
My cousin had no idea I was adopted until four years ago because apparently I look just like my parents.
It's a compliment but if you look at my biological father - the resemblance is there.

I've had the privilege of traveling to China twice in my early twenties to meet my biological father and his parents. I've also met my half brother Sky on my first trip too and think of him often. Of course I'm about 17 years older than he is and hope he remembers me.
I have met my aunt and occasionally keep in touch with her - mostly at Christmas but after a huge fight with my biological father - I think I've become the black sheep of the family living in Finland.

I've debated on looking up my biological mother but there were simply too many people online in Facebook with the same name.
I'm curious of course to see what her life is like and to see if she would like to be acquaintances.
I'm not angry or hurt.  I'm past that phase and didn't think I'd ever find her.
I'm talking at least 8 pages of people with the same name.

Then I found her.  At least I think so.  Then when I found a comment referencing the province I'm from - I'm positive it must be her.
And then after some time - I realize it is.

What do I do?
I mean I'd love to talk and say hi, I'm married now and have three kids and live in Finland (hint: have no fear - I won't magically fly over and walk into your work place or show up at your home) - what's up?

I am trying to be as realistic as possible.

  • I don't expect a relationship of any kind.
  • I'm not mad or sad or anything more than neutral and want to say hello.
  • I don't want money or anything materialistic from her at all.
  • I realize that my writing her could probably terrify her and she'll never write back or maybe we can become acquaintances - as 30 years is a long time and hopefully any kind of issues she had with putting me up for adoption is laid to rest.
  • She could have found me online easily and I didn't move until I was nearly 21 - so she probably doesn't want anything to do with me.  Phone number was always in the phone book too - so there were options to reach me if she wanted.
  • What if she doesn't want to be found?
  • What if she's embarrassed or ashamed and doesn't want to bother ME?
It's not that I don't appreciate what my family has done for me in raising me.  Not that at all.
I still love them the same and consider them my "real parents" like anyone else who has a family and when it comes down to it -the definition of "real parents" for most - simply means who did it all.
Who raised a child that wasn't wanted, needed or loved - the real parent(s).

That's one thing I got asked all the time, "But what about your real parents?"
Let's just put it this way - I learned how to pronounce and spell "biological" at a really young age.

I'm not aiming to replace my real parents whatsoever - I'm just super curious how things are for everyone.

On the other hand - I'm quite a curious person and after digging around am learning that I have a biological half sister.
No idea if she knows about me.

I remember writing in my dinosaur covered diary as a super young child (8 or 9 years old) a list of things I'd say if I ever met my biological parents and now that I have the possibility to do it - I can't think of a single thing to say.

What would you do?

Stuck in the middle,

PS It should be noted that both my biological and real parents all knew each other at some point - so I wasn't adopted through the newspaper or an orphanage or anything like that.
It's a rather long story and perhaps some day I'll write it out.

PPS I sent a message.

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