Sunday, 19 April 2015

See Ya Later

I think it's quite safe to say we are personally done with having children.
Growing up I envisioned one boy and one girl, as I had grown up, and if you add an extra boy in there-that's what we have.
I'm pretty sure I wrote about this before but I really was surprised about getting pregnant the third time. It was not planned and quite unexpected but we kept the baby and she's a wonderful addition to our family.

I have thought long and hard about what I'm going to write next so I'll just come out with it.
Had I known about V-Man's autism diagnosis-prior to planning our second pregnancy, I probably would've been against having more children. However, we were already expecting during his tests and that's the way things go.

Not that I hate my other two kids or want the V-Man growing up lonely!!
I just see it from the perspective that I and SH could put 100% effort into his PECS, therapy and maybe he'd be better or further along in his development.
He's doing great at the daycare and seems to be getting better at communicating what he wants by dragging us to the item or location, or by bringing the item he wants to us.
He's eating a lot better and trying new foods that we feared would never ever happen up to two years ago!
I'd say our % of trying therapies with him at home is under 50%.

We try to make up for it by taking him places, hiking, swimming everyday in the summer, encouraging him to explore outside (typically fenced in playgrounds or out in the woods) and inside as well with different textures and smells (ie cooking).
Also SH pointed out that siblings can teach a lot of things that therapy and daycare simply couldn't, like: compassion, bullying and defending yourself and social skills.

So based on previous experience with getting pregnant with M-Girl and knowing SH wouldn't go for a vasectomy - we looked at all of our options.

A) A vasectomy had a waiting list in Finland of at least two years. Women seemed to have half the wait time.
B) An IUD is great but needs to be replaced every five years or so.
C) The pill typically works but I do experience pregnancy-like symptoms regularly and often miss my period, despite having been finished breastfeeding four months ago.

I'm super fertile and I know it. The last thing we want is to bring another child into our life and not have any sanity left at all. Or patience for the three kids we have. Or end up hating each other and getting a divorce. Or not being able to split our attention evenly among each child.
And if a fourth child (or more) had "something" like the V-Man? I just don't think we could handle it.

So what did I decide on?

I had a discussion with my doctor and told her quite firmly that three is more than enough for us. They're now at the age they are fighting and not quite grasping the idea of how sharing works - so yeah - 3 is enough!
I was told this is a permanent procedure and is quite effective. After the coils are inserted into your Fallopian tubes, there is a three months waiting period to ensure your tubes have grown over them and some dye is inserted to see if it gets past the (should be) blocked tubes. If it doesn't leak past - awesome it works and you no longer require birth control like condoms or pills.
Of course nothing is 100%.
I am scheduled to have this procedure done tomorrow around lunch time and I hope all goes well.
I'm reading reviews and some women have had awesome experiences, while others have not.
Some have even gotten pregnant after having the procedure done and having had the blocked tube test done too!
Holy nerve wrecking but trying to be positive! :)

I haven't shared this decision with many people - so please don't be offended if you're reading this for the first time!
Some friends have told me they'd rather their husband/boyfriend to do it and that they don't like the idea of having that part of their womanhood removed or not in use.
However, I have a husband with a condition that any amount of stress can cause flare ups and he'd be in more pain than he can tolerate and I can't afford to have him sick at home and in a lot of pain (read: mostly useless with helping me with the kids!).
And it should be noted it's not that he wouldn't get it done!  Just those stress flare ups are too much.
I also don't feel (and won't) less womanly by doing this.  Why should I?
I've been fortunate enough to have three children and I'm done.  I'd do it one more time as a surrogacy for my closest friend here - but seeing as that's illegal in Finland - I am not able to.

Off to watch Daredevil on Netflix!

PS: Daredevil is pretty good! SH wasn't a fan of the Ben Affleck movie - but so far so good.

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